Hi Wendy,
Even though many people have told me that I'm small (even tiny ~I want to see what they see) I still see I very large lady when I look in the mirror. I recently found out there is a name for this it's called Body Dysmorphia. Here is an article on it that someone posted on the Henry Ford Surgery Support Group Board. I hope you enjoy it.
God bless,
Annette
Body Dysmorphia: Mind Games After Gastric Bypass Surgery
By Kaye Bailey
Maybe you’ve heard about body dysmorphia – it’s a mental image many victims
of anorexia nervosa have that tells them they look fat, even when they are
emaciated. Bariatric patients can suffer from body dysmorphia as well.
When we were morbidly obese our emotional coping mechanisms kicked in and
many of us were able to convince ourselves we really weren’t that big. It
is emotionally kinder to avoid body criticism, the whole issue seems
hopeless. In fact, many morbidly obese patients will say they see
themselves normal sized. That is until a rude moment reminds them they are
not normal sized: a skinny chair, a turnstile, a bathroom stall, a flight
of stairs, a photograph. This false perception is a subconscious coping
strategy to protect us from the brutal truth, the truth about how big
morbidly obese really is.
My sister and I were clothes shopping one day with our morbidly obese
mother. She tried an outfit and complained to us, “but it makes me look
fat.” And gently we told her, “Mom, you are fat.” Intellectually my mother
knows she is morbidly obese, but the emotional issues run over reason and
she doesn’t see herself fat. She is in serious denial that is preventing
her from getting the help she needs – bariatric surgery – to save her life.
After surgery, there is a tendency for the body dysmorphia to reverse.
Before surgery we denied how big we were, after surgery we judge ourselves
critically – like the anorexic – and fail to see an honest reflection. One
woman, down from size 24 to size 10 wrote, “I feel fat daily. I never felt
this at 248 pounds – I saw a thinner person in the mirror than I see now. I
look at my size 10 jeans and they look like tents. I don’t feel as
attractive as I did when I was heavy. I don’t understand it,” she
continued, “but I think it has to do with learning to accept yourself fat
so you didn’t see all the fat. Now I just have to learn to accept myself as
thinner.”
Many patients report hyper-judging their figures after weight loss. It
seems the thinner you get the more judgmental of your body you become. To
this day, the first thing I see in my reflection in my pudgy tummy – I
think it’s enormous. I don’t see long slender legs or a tiny waist or trim
arms. I see a Buddha belly. I’ve even apologized for my chubby tummy to
others when they compliment my new figure. The apology usually goes, “Yes,
but I can’t get rid of this stomach.” I say this while pointing to my
"flaw".
That is wrong and brutally unfair to myself. I am working daily to keep
this hyper-judgment in check, reminding myself the days of belittlement and
self-loathing are over. Now is the time when I love myself.
Patients report universal success when they do one thing in the face of
body dysmorphia: dress to impress! Get rid of the flowing camouflage
clothes and wear a smart, well fitted outfit. Gentlemen, tuck in your
shirts in. Ladies, wear a fitted skirt with a waistband. Small sized “fat
clothes” do nothing for body image – dump that style and get something that
flatters your new size. Enlist the help of friends you trust to find
flattering clothes. Sometimes you have to force yourself to see your body
as it is, a great fitting outfit will certainly do the trick.
Extreme cases of Body Dysmorphia: Mind Games After Gastric Bypass Surgery
By Kaye Bailey
