Pick Yourself Up, Dust Yourself Off...

I had waited for the day to arrive when I could go with my children to an amusement park and ride a roller coaster.  The weather Thursday was perfect. 90 degrees and sunny. The wind was blowing 50 miles per hour (which shut down many rides).

We arrived at the park and I was so excited to think of the day ahead. My mom and youngest daughter and I took off right away to ride the first ride. I had butterflies in my stomach as I waited in line listening to kids scream.

I stepped up, sat down and pulled the bar down onto my lap. It would not lock. The park employee tried pushing and shoving and told me to cross my legs and suck it in. It would NOT lock.

By this time I was so horrified about how embarrassed my daughter was that I jumped up and exited.

I was and am completely devastated. Tears streamed from under my sunglasses (I'm crying as I type this) and I had to take a few minutes to get myself together.

People who have not been morbidly obese have no idea how the obese brain works. I've lost almost 130 pounds. In my mind, I've done a great job and I think of myself as getting closer to normal. Then I'm reminded by incidents like this, that I'm still fat.

I decided not to let the entire day be ruined by my ridiculous insecurities. We took the family to the water park part. (Yeah, I know, me in a swimsuit in public.) I climbed 5 flights of stairs with daughter #2 and raced her down the body slide. We did it twice in a row. I can't believe that I climbed those stairs and did it without thinking of it until I got to the top and realized what I had done. I would have had a hard time climbing one fight before surgery.

I walked my butt all over that park and never gave a thought to being tired. It was freeing even though I did not meet my ultimate goal of riding a roller coaster.

Jenn i would have felt the same way.   But you know what?   You have lost an incredible amount of weight in a very short term.   You've done fabulous.   So maybe this time you couldn't meet your goal, but i am positive it will happen.   and you know this happening will probably push you more to keep losing.   Keep your head up and keep doing what you're doing.  Linda

Linda, Thanks for the encouragement.  I know that I WILL meet that goal someday.  The support here means so much as the real world doesn't seem to get it. Jenn

That sucks sucks sucks !!!!!!   OK now that your all dusted off you know what you got to do to get on that roller coaster........  Stick with it don't fall into the old game of self pity and reach for your old friend to help you feel better because your old friend is a liar !!!!!  What an amazing wt lose so far I hope one day I can say that Ive lost that much wt you will get to ride that coaster with your daughter one day soon .....did you ever think you would have spent a day at the water park ?

Keep up the good work you have already come along way.... Your dream of riding this roller coaster will before you know it will come true along with many other dreams. I am so sorry for your sorrow and tears. But I am also sure that you had many smiles just being able to go with your daughter and able to kept up at a better pace, without feeling it in your back, hips and knees. So keep up the good work

You know what I hate the most??  It's the fact that even though I was a 'light weight' when I had my surgery 18 months ago (and 235 lbs), I still see myself as being fat.  I panic when I gain a pound or two but I can't seem to lose that last 20 lbs....

Jenn I am sorry that you had to go through that on a ride. I know that feeling all to well. The summer before my surgery I had to get off of a couple of rides with my niece because of my size. It was so horrifying.  You have lost so much weight and have so much to be thankful for. Just wait your time is coming. Last year in September I went to Disney World and rode a roller coaster for the first time since surgery and it was amazing. I went on it all by myself. I was amazed at how much room I had on both sides of me and the ride felt so different because I jerked around alot. It was definately one of the finest WOW moments I have had since I had the surgery. It was so emotional for me that I ran up to my DH and hugged him afterwards and was crying. It was such a relief to finally do that.  Suzanne

Just wait til next summer sweetpea!  this will be a faint memory....you are just doing so well-dont let this get you down........you have already identified so many gains that you have made so far....and they are phenomemnal......you are a great woman and a wonderful mom.........and the best thing you can do it keep on keepin' on...........yea for you!  hug rae

Thank you all so much!  I don't know why I put so much energy into riding a roller coaster.  I think it was because I wanted to do it with my daughter who has only known me as her super morbidly obese mother.  I wanted to watch her face as we flew over that first hill instead of hearing about it after the fact.  I know most of you can relate in some way to my story at some point in your lives.  The biggest bummer was knowing that I've come so far and yet have so much further to go. I really am feeling much better about this whole thing.  I'm wearing shorts and a tank top today for the first time in over 15 years!

Reading your post made me cry Jenn. You did good! You didn't let this spoil your entire day. You dusted yourself off and moved on. Of course you cried and of course you were embarrassed, thats ok. Look how far you have come :0) 130 pounds ago you wouldn't even have tried, al least you're trying now. Before you know it you will be going on that rollercoaster and all of the rest of them too. You climbed the stairs, you raced with your daughter, you played with your kids :0) You are truely on your way. What a wonderful WOW moment :0) The weight comes off quickly so you may be ready near the end of summer, or you can always do it next year. I am proud of you for the way you took charge got yourself together, and played today. You're a real winner in my book :0) God bless you Jenn, Annette