Why are we so passionate?

I often hesitate to make comments for some newbies knowing that I am being more harsh than I should be.  After all, this is supposed to be a support site.  Why do some people "tell it like it is" even though it may be words that seem rather harsh?  For me, it is simply based on the YEARS of total suffering I endured as a person in a 420 lb. body.  WLS has given me a new lease on life that I will cherish for the rest of my life.  KP, Suzanne O and I went to watch Paul Vitale play a hockey game.  Did the three of us go to his game because we were so much into hockey?  Of course not!  We drove there to support someone who is going through the same journey as we are.  We are there to support someone else who is in the process of beating the deamon we call "morbid obesity".  I have lived with my wife for 22 years.  As much as she knows me, she has no idea what being a WLS patient is really all about.  She may THINK she knows, but she doesn't really understand.  KP, Suzanne O and Paul DO understand because they live it every day, like I do.  When I read on the boards about newbies struggling, I can relate to it because I've been there.  I don't want to slam anyone because I know what the struggle is all about.  More importantly, I am passionate about providing encouragement and advice because after knowing how horrible life was at 420 lbs., I will do ANYTHING in my power to help people keep from going back there.  I have NO idea what will bring me to my grave, but I am positive that morbid obesity will not be part of it.  I will NOT allow myself to go back to my old way of life.  If I could get everyone to feel the same way, I feel like my participation on this board would be worthwhile.   If any "newbie" thinks us old-timers are being too har**** is not because we are being cruel and unsympathatic, it is because we care too damn much to see others take the risk with WLS only to be another unsuccessful statistic.  Over the last 3 years, I have seen those come and go who do not "follow the program" only to be unsuccessful and play the "blame game", saying their failure was a result of a number of factors.  The bottom line is this - if you are not successful with WLS, it is your own damn fault because you did'nt take advantage of the gifts of the tool you were given.  I only pray that those of you who are struggling look for the help you need to get you on the right track. Jon 

Very well said.   If someone feels like their toes are being stepped on, maybe they are, and maybe they are ment to be stepped on if it could help save your life. I just want to go up to every person that is over weight and ask  "Do you know about weight loss surgery and how it could change you life?" I feel like when God gives us the opportunity to have this surgery, he also gives us the opportunity to help someone else who is either where we have been or where we are now. Keep putting it all out there, that is how we all learn.

Jon I am very proud of you for coming forward and saying these things. This is very true for all of us. No one understands us like our WLS friends. The WLS friends I have give me more support than anyone else and I know I can call them at anytime and talk about ANYTHING! This is a tool and we have to know how to use it. We also need to support one another through thick and thin. That is what our support is all about. Just like anything it is not always equal but sometimes it can be more for one person than another.  Thanks for saying these things that we think and do not always have the courage to say! Well said. It was nice seeing you tonight and being able to support our fellow OHer! Suzanne

Great response! I did notice the other day someone was quite harsh to a newbie. I guess it is like alcoholics or drug addicts, some make it and some don't. I hope I can make it through this. I really feel like I have been struggling with overeating the last week. Today is a new day and I am going to my support group meeting tonight. I seen a lady at church about a month ago. I hadn't seen her in about 2 years. She had gained at least 100 lbs or more. I was so distraught the rest of the service and even the next few days. I don't know her just that she had worked at a local grocery store that I had frequented. I thought I was going to cry when I seen her. I was in her shoes at one time. I wished I could have reached out to her.  Also, my husband doesn't understand it either. Now I am seeing my `12 year old son walk down my same path. I am trying not to be harsh on him and keep him exercising, etc. Thanks for the great comment. Lynn

Amen We need to all remember that we did get this way in the beginging for a reason, we all most likely have eating disorder's and during surgery they did not take these out. And cheating after surgery does count. And you do pay a price, either with your weight your with your mind. I would encounge everyone to even think about therapy after surgery or at least a great support group.

tHANK YOU !!!!!!!! YOU ARE SO RIGHT IT TAKES A  MENTAL ASS KICKING TO GET BACK ON LINE WITH OUR WEIGTH LOSS LET IT BE FROM SOME ONE THAT HAS WALK THE ROAD NOW JUST DOING THE TALK

Hello, I'm a newbie and I have an eating disorder.  I used to eat to much food and I gained over 100 lbs because of it.  I'm now seeking WLS and I've also had time to change alot of bad habits.  Now I'm seeking the tool to help me get my life back.  I am waiting for ins. to approve me after submitting this past Friday. Please add me to your friends list!  I LOVE the fact that you yourself, KP, Suzanne O. and anyone else WILL tell it like it is!  Brutally honest!  I don't need to be handled with kid gloves.  I am responsible for my own life and out come!  I can take it if I need it!  I want it if you think I need it!  MOST OF ALL I APPRECIATE THAT YOU'VE BEEN ON THIS JOURNEY AND CARE ENOUGH ABOUT SOMEONE YOU DON'T KNOW TO REACH OUT AND SHARE YOUR EXPERIENCE & KNOWLEDGE WITH ME!  As my lovely, Southern Granny used to say........If you can't sit with the BIG DOGS, get off the porch!  I want to sit w/ the big dogs on the porch!  (not that any of us here are dogs)  This is not a place for over sensitivity!  This is a place for getting down and getting honest! Please if I make it to WLS, tell it to me like it is!  It'll make me strong & successful!  I hope when I make it, I can give back the same as you have & others!  Thank YOU so much! Add me to your friends list!  I WANT friends like you! ~Hugs, Steffanie

Hey Stephine I am glad I did not offend you with the eating disorder Comment.... Dr. Poplawski first told me the informational line about "and he didnt remove it when he was doing the surgery" Thought that might make your day... Cindi

Jon -- I couldn't agree with you more ! I think being honest is good and telling the hard truth is great, yet it doesn't have to be so damn cruel either ! There is a reason us "newbies" are asking all these questions..... we would like help from all the others that have already been through this and have tried things, failed things, found new ways, etc.  But every single time I ask a question I get attacked like I am some big loser and failure with this program ! And I am quite sick of it ! Not everyone is perfect, some of us have to learn the hard way, some of learn from others, etc.  I am doing everything possible, trying to follow the program to a "T". But we all know, even the newbies know that getting the protein and water in can be so hard ! Finding foods that sit with us can be hard ! Finding out what makes us dump and doesn't can be hard ! Do we deserve to be beaten verbally? No ! Yes I am sure all your "old timers" care, doesn't require you to make people feel ashamed and so awful. There is a way to be supportive and brutally honest without causing people to feel like failures. I have simply asked 2 controversal questions, I guess, that have now lead me to not want to be part of this site any longer and it saddens me. I am not a pro but going through what I have I feel like I could be of some help to the ones that are just starting this journey giving them what I have went through, but I have decided it's not worth being felt like a failure to stay. And whats even worse is the 2 questions that I was attacked for were legitimate questions. 1. I had severe head hunger. noone goes through that? noone has withdrawls? yes ! and that is why I came here to get advice even if it was straight forward honesty. Instead, "i'm failing the WLS system and will bring down the entire insurance company coverage with me". Then yesterday I ask for help with my protein and water, another question that didn't require to be felt the way I did. And on top of it another person got attacked. Shes only human, she needs help why do you think she keeps asking? But lets all put her down some more to make her feel like the fat blob that I am sure she does, causing her to fall off the wagon some more. GUIDANCE is what I was looking for, advice, examples ! yea I know I shouldn't be living off of protein shakes but right now I am at a loss, WHY DO YOU THINK I ASKED? There are some on here that have truly been such a great help and I honestly don't know what I would have done without them (you know who you are girls !). I won't fail at this, I know that ! But I don't need all this negativity to bring me down. I feel better then I have in many years ! I will succeed ! But now I guess I will do it on my own ! Good luck to all you newbies. One piece of advice that I have learned: It gets better and easier everyday ! Stay strong. This too shall pass !  ~~Rona

Nobody here should be made to feel like a failure or be attacked.  I certainly hope I didn't make anyone feel that way.  Your questions were legitimate and are the type of questions I would expect from a newbie.  Don't let a small number of folks who think they are trying to help cause you to feel bad or not go to this site.  Anytime you have an open forum, like this board, you run the risk of having your feelings hurt.  There needs to be a balance between hearing the truth and knowing that emotions run deep.  I hope I haven't missed that balance.  I believe in anyone who is trying to help themselves.  Keep your chin up.  We all fall down.  We should be here to help eachother pick ourselves back up.  It just gets discouraging to see people make the same mistake over and over again and end up blaming everything else but themselves.  I don't put you in that category.  I think you are doing just fine. Jon