Why are we so passionate?

Dear  Jon & Oh friends,       I believe that I can see all sides of this. I am about 4 months post op. When you are thinking of WLS, or first experiancing it you are scared, looking for answers, sometimes confused, and yes even frustrated. So you ask questions; and sometimes you read things you don't understand because you haven't been there yet. I had a thousand and one questions plus myself; and I often still do! All people want at OH is some answers, fears eased a bit; and a feeling like they are not walking this alone!     Then there is the other side where you wonder why would anyone choose to take such a huge and even possibly dangerous risk if they were not willing to do the work! As you said (there are some people who never accept responsibilty for themselves); the not my fault people! Yet if we pass our own judgements how do we know for sure we are correct? ASSUME: remember what that would can imply and mean.. We are all trying to walk in the same shoes; my suggestion is to think before speaking, act with care and compassion; and if all else fails do not compound a problem (WALK AWAY)! If you tend to beat someone up for their misteaks, just remember what it did to you when others have done that to you? It is true that some of may need to be woke up; but understanding trumps, butt kicking anytime! And I for one would never try to judge anyone else's problems or needs.. All points are taken from both sides, lets follow the golden rule! Thanks Jon and everyone for your support.. Hugs, Judy R

I want to add a few things considering I am a "newbie" I am 5 weeks out.  I have asked for advice and am very appreciative of those responses ALL of the responses - either I agreed with the advice or not- and if I would use what they said or not. That is the great thing about advise you can take it or leave it:) First I want to say that just like when you talk to friends and ask for advice or input on a situation, you may not always like what they have to say, BUT you are the one asking for advice and you take a risk that they may not tell you what you want to hear. I encourage the "newbie's" to tuffen up and not be so sensitive. Others are just sharing what works for them and what they think or know to be true to them. That is all they can do is advise on their own personal experience.  Also the " Old Timers" see and notice warning signs when they see us eating or trying things we should not be.   All the responses cannot be all "roses". They are going to speak truth and for that I am grateful.   Addiction is an ugly beast, and the surgery does not change our mental issues with food.  If someone took the time to answer our responses what would be the motivation to scold us?? Does not make sense - I truly belive it is done to help us.  Thank you again to everyone for taking time out of your day to give honest feedback:) Faith

There is a big diffrence in people here trying to help and understand what us newbies are going threw..but I have never felt so hurt as a few days ago I asked some simple questions and I was told THAT I WAS GOING TO END UP AT THE DRIVE THRU..... IF I DIDNT GET COUNCELING!!!!!!! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW I FELT ??? I have tryed my best to do what my dr had said then am condimmed like that !! there is a big diffrence of trying to help somone and being cruel !!!!! I am so sorry Rona is leaving us ..she has helped me a lot ..maybe because were new at this or what but like Rona said ..I will not !! be a loser on this I will get to goal with or with out any of your help . Sherry 

You percieve it as being cruel does not mean that is anyone's intention.  It is very hard not to want to try new things and have food we should not have at the stage we are in (most doc's and NUT's are very clear as to what we can and can't have). But you are choosing to eat food that you should not have yet becasue you want to and miss it. I was addicted to fast food before surgery as well as probably most people were that have the surgery - I want fast food so bad-  I am struggeling to!!  So what people are telling you is to try and help you NOT hurt you. Why do you think they said it?? What would be the motivation in hurting you?? It is how you recieved it. I think everyone that goes through GBS should have counceling. It is not a insult  - it is reality that most of us need it  to help us deal with the mental aspect of dealing with our food addiction. To tell you the truth I am afraid of ending up in the drive thru window everyday  - I fight not to - because it is habit and it is hard to let go of the past. Please try and focus on trying to undersatnd the meaning of what people say instead of assuming they are trying to offend you...that really doesn't make sense if you think about it ....sometimes we just don't want to hear what they say- and if you don't like it then move on from it....I do wish you the best of luck in your journey. Faith

Sherry, we already went through it!  We do understand it, and we know what demons are chasing you because they chase us too. The surgery is on our stomachs, not our heads.  We grew too big for normal life because of our heads telling us what to put in our stomachs.  So a suggestion of counseling was made from experience, not out of mean spiritedness.  So, kindly keep in mind that participation is voluntary, we respond because we care.

you rock! Linda

Well i guess my response to you wasn't what you was looking for, so here's what i think you was looking for. Steak?   Yummy!  See if it works....if it makes you sick today, try it again tomorrow and see if it works any better.     Is that what you wanted?   I don't think it's the right response.   You are obsessing about food, we all have.     I pm'd you and told you that i thought as a pre op requirement that we should all go through extensive counseling because post op we dont' understand what to do about the head hunger and what it will be like a few years down the road.   Sherry right now is the time to relearn the eating process, we take it one day at a time.    Going to counseling doesn't mean you're crazy, it just means you need to understand why you are feeling the way you do and learn how to change your behaviors.    You have to be easy on your pouch, you're healing .    You don't want any setbacks or complications., just be easy on what you put into your mouth.   So you can take my post any way you want. Linda

Rona, I don't think anyone *****sponded to you did so because they thought they were perfect. I think I have responded to you, and if you thought I was cruel, that was not my intent.  My intent was to give information from my experience.  It was also for you to get the service you paid for from your doctor/dietician and support group.  I also hoped that you would take responsibility for yourself by getting the info you need from your doctor first.  I know that one of the reasons I needed this surgery is because I wasn't taking responsibility for my own wellbeing for years and years. If you feel ashamed and awful, you might ask yourself what you are ashamed of.  If it is eating foods that are not approved or in amounts largr than you were told, then be ashamed, change your eating plan and get over it.  If you are ashamed of being fat and having surgery because it is the only way you think you can keep the weight off, THEN YOU ARE JUST LIKE THE REST OF US! When I see someone who is ignoring the plan so early out, I think that they are not taking the surgery seriously.  I cringe.  I also cringe when I see the posts asking how soon they can eat pop corn, ice cream and pizza.  These are the people who will make it more complicated for others to get surgery.  These are the people who will waste $25,000 of the insurance company's money because they will not be effective in keeping the weight off.  These are the people who can tell you exactly how much sugar they have to eat to dump, because they have constantly pushed themselves. They know exactly how many ounces of food they can eat before getting sick because they have continued to push food into their faces until they got sick.  I am too scared of regain to become one of them, so far, but I have no doubt that it could happen to me.  I have heard from dieticians that some surgeons are now investigating techniques to re-size the stomas on patients who have eaten themselves out of the surgery.  I believe that I have a responsibility to keep doing the right thing and keep this tool working. Take a look at the grad board if you think that regain isn't a problem. Did your program offer you a list of acceptable foods?  And maybe even some trial menus for each stage?  And if you want recipes, have you looked at the recipe board?  I package-read constantly at the store, and I keep weighing and measuring my intake..  I don't make complicated meals, I'm only feeding myself and I want out of the kitchen before I start eating standing up.  Am I perfect?  No, I'm just scared of screwing this up, for me and for those who might benefit from surgery that is no longer covered by insurance.

Hear, Hear Jon,  well said!  Love is tough sometimes, and I truly feel the love from you and KP through all the straight talk.  I have NEVER felt you guys were mean or being "judgemental".  We are addicts and need to remember that.  It should always be in the back of our brains that WE are in charge of what goes into our bodies. Wendy

Addicts......now there is a word everyone should jump on..... Very true but now watch the post's