You know when...

You see a person and then see a picture of them from high-school or something and have a hard time believing that they are the same person?  I'm going through that on a whole other level right now.  I mean, I'm still me, but I don't feel like me anymore.  My husband doesn't recognize me.  And, well...  it's hard on him.  He feels like he's not married to the same lady and it's caused a little strain. I feel great, I know I look great, but yet that internal stuff keeps surfacing.  I'm just now seeing what I really look like.  For the first 8 months I felt like I still looked like the before picture whenever I looked in the mirror.  But for the last 6 weeks or so I'm finally realizing "Yeah, you do look A LOT different" I just wanted to share.  This has been going through my head a lot lately.  Hubby has commented how it feels strange to be with me and how he has a hard time being attracted to me.  Not because I'm ugly, but just because I don't feel like "me" anymore

I answered you on the other forums as well......  I dont know EXACTLY how Id respond but I surely would like to think Id be happy for you and continue to support your efforts.   Congrats on your success though......

You don't ask for advice in your post. You just stated a feeling and that's pretty cool. But I have to jump in here anyway. It's my nature. Sorry. I'm going to suggest to you that you speak to your surgeon and ask for a referral to a therapist that both you and your husband can go to together to help you through this. In the 6 years I've been in  this circle I see this happen from time to time. Too often but not always there develops a feeling of resentment towards the GAP from the spouse for changing. It's like you left but not really. You can't understand because th change has been so positive and freeing for you. They feel abandonment. You feel bad because you don't understand. They get mad because your not listening. You get mad because you are listening and so on. But maybe I'm full of crap. Maybe not. I would check it out. Do him a favor and get some ideas on how to deal with his feeling. Just my three dollars worth. kp

Does hubby feel threatened that you are "looking better" these days?  This may be the case.  More often than not, the spouce has more problems with "the change" than the GAP.  You need to have a heart-to-heart with him to set him straight.  I think this is more of a problem with women than men based on my experience on this website over the last 5 years.  If the relaltionship was stable before the surgery, it will continue.  If it wasn't, the problem will continue.  Some heavy women "settled" for a man who could love her despite her weight problem.  It is all part of a control issue.  If that wasn't the problem with you and hubby before the surgery, it will NOT be a problem going forward.  Only you know the answer to that question.   Jon 

Hi Ana,    Congrats you look GREAT! I agree with KP & John. Take it from the men's perspective! And now here is mine; for what it's worth. Of course we don't feel the same; and of course things keep coming to the surface we still don't like to look at! I am exactly where you are at ANA! I am reaching out a hand in friendship. It takes a lot more effort to make Hubby feel part of our lives these days because he sees us changing, becoming more outgoing; and our shinking bodies are accompanied by our more growing asertiveness! Do you remember the days you may have been content to fade into the background, to not be seen or heard? YOU ARE ANYTHING BUT UGLY GIRL!     I agree with Kp and think you should seek conseling right away; and do some long serious talks and reassurances with DH! Make assasments on what and who you are; and what you need to save from your past, and what can go away with the weight! Others in our lives are usually always threatened by change; espically the kinds we are making! My daughter has lost over 140, and her hubby is definately threatened. My hubby says he is not, but he still looks closely when things seem different, and I get more attention! I have lost only 96 lbs.     So Ana celebrate and embrase you new beginning; but care for yourself, and your marriage! And let the past bad baggage go. It is very difficult, but you can do it if you put your heart into the same change you have put your body into! Sincerely, Judy R