OT: Wanting to wow someone

Ok, so tonight is my oldest child, my daughter Morgan's graduation, and I am so happy that she will graduate. These past few years have been quite challenging and lately I am being more challenged as my son is moving in with his dad. Anyhow, my ex left 11 years ago to begin a new life with his now wife. She moved her ex out one day and mine in the next and they have been together ever since. They live a very good lifestyle as my ex has done very well. Funny thing is he didn't even have a driver's lisence when we met. I was there when he was quite young and starting out in life. I was there when he was dirt poor and loved and helped him on his way and she git to reap the benfits....lol. Well, the point of this post is that there is a part of me that secretly wants him to say "wow" she looks amazing and all. he and his wife are coming tonight. I know I am thinner than when we met 21 years ago.The last time I saw him was some 55-60 pounds ago. I guess there may always be that part of me that just wants him to see my worth. I know that is a closed chapter in my life but I suppose that desire is still there. I know I will never know cause he always said he had to leave to be happy. I just wanted him to try but he had walked out before I knew he was even unhappy if that makes sense. Well, I have had such a hard time with my son and there is yet another part of me that is quite hurt that he is going but I KNOW he has to. It is his desire to be with his dad and his dad will have to step up to the plate after being the long distance dad all this time. I do love my son enough to go beyond that hurt to let him try this. Anyhow, I am rambling....I am quite excited for my Morgan and her milestome tonight and thanks so much for letting me express these feelings. It's not like I dwell on the past but like I said there is still that part of me that hopes he looks at me and thinks I am a hot mama...lol.  Y'all take care and I hopefully I will be posting pics of graduation soon. Lisa

Lisa,      You are a beautiful and valuable person. You don't need him to tell you that. I understand what you are saying though. Sorta like "Ha! Look at me now! IN YOUR FACE, BUDDY!"  Right? The old MC Hammer song..."Can't Touch This!" Bahahahahaha      I kinda wish I could go with you to graduation just so I could see the look on his face...and hers too. Hee   Make sure THAT is one of the pictures you post! Be proud of your accomplishments. You did it all without him. xoxo Mare     

Lisa, I think your feelings of wanting to wow your ex are perfectly natural.  His betrayal of your relationship and denial of your contributions was obviously shocking and hurtful, and it would feel great to see some shock on his face.  It may be just a short look when he first sees you, or he may make a comment on it, but rest assured...you will wow him.  You will wow his new wife.  You are a beautiful lady and have a lot to be proud of.  So, whether anyone says anything tonight or not, strut your stuff!  You've worked hard and deserve it!  Enjoy this milestone for your family.  It's a priceless opportunity to see things through your daughter's eyes.  We're looking forward to pictures!

Oh to be a fly on the wall - can you imagine how jealous and insecure this will make the new wife? Afterall the relationship is not built on the most solid of foundations. You can hold your head high and be proud of how far you've come (WITHOUT HIM). Your daughter is the one who gets to have everyone there-  try not to outshine her too much. I can also imagne that you'll run into some parents who haven't seen you in a while either so you get to wow just about everyone you'll see tonight. Good Luck and enjoy. - Iris

Lisa, You will WOW them all!  You look great. I can relate to how you feel.  Not long after my ex and I divorced, I lost a lot of weight (I have since found it and it's friends...).  He called one day to arrange a time to pick the kids up.  He asked my why I had waited until he left to start looking so good.  My response was "because you're not here worrying the hell out of me"!  LOL You are a beautiful and valuable person inside and out.  Too bad he was too insecure in himself to see that in you.   Congrats to your daughter on her graduation. 

Lisa
Congratulations on your daughters graduation!!!! I hope you have a fantastic time

Darcie

I totally get this! I kinda want my Ex to see me in a year or so just to show him how healthy I can be. But he is such a despicable person it doesn't matter that much. My DH of 28 years has never not loved me though I am sure I have given him plenty of reason to leave if he wanted to. So I really owe it to him to be the healthiest I can be not my Ex. I also owe it to my kids to be healthier and most of all to myself.
I the long run your son will understand that you loved him enough to respect his need to be with his father at his age and he will appreciate you all the more for it. Just be patient because it may take a few years. But it will happen.
Congratulations about your daughter's big event. I bet you are really proud of her. I will get to watch my 24 year old daughter become a sworn Greensboro police officer at the end of July. Its great to see them work towards something and make it isn't it?

Lisa.. not one woman on this board who has ever ever ever been fat and shunned by a man (regardless if it was because of weight or not) would think that you were unjustified in wanting to have some type of vindication.  I know that I LOVE LOVE LOVE it (in a sick, twisted and "nanny nanny boo boo" type of way) when men want to compliment me or say how good l look or whatever now..   There was this guy I pined after for YEARS!  I wanted him to be my boyfriend so badly..  Well we were really good friends and when I told him how I felt he just gave me the "you are like my sister" speech and that was that.  Well..  Now he cannot tell me enough about how good I look.  He even made the comment to me once that if I ever left my husband that we needed to hook up..  Well you cannot IMAGINE how good it felt to turn around and say.. "Well.. I remember you had a chance with me and you blew it!"..  It was better than money or jewelry!  LOL   But I do agree with Mare.... you dont need his approval or admiration.  Just take a deep breath and have that inner satisfaction that you DO look great and that he is the loser in this situation! 

(((((Lisa))))),

You are lovely, beautiful, loving lady. I truly hope that you and Morgan are able to fully enjoy the fruits of your efforts. I know that the last year has been a difficult one for each of you in your own ways. I also know that you have both accomplished much and have a great deal of wonderful things to look forward to and celebrate.

I am sure that whether he says anything or not, Michael will notice the metamorphosis that has occured as you and your lovely daughter have blossomed into the lovely women that you have each become at this juncture in your respective lives. I would bet that Morgan, Garret and Michael are proud of your accomplishments as a woman, mother and person. I know that you are proud of your accomplishments. Remember who guided Morgan to point she has come to today and will continue to guide her and Garret as the days, months and years of their lives unfold. I know that you will shine the light of your motherly love on Morgan this evening and as she basks in it's warm glow she will 'feel' the love you have for her and her brother.

I know that having Garret leave must be incredibly hard, but I hope you give yourself credit as you open your hand and let him take his wings and fly away. Know that it will be your strength and love that have given him the foundation he has and will need as he continues to mature. Know that with time, space and the maturity that experience will bring, he will realize the strength, love and respect you have given him as you have allowed him to exercise this choice to go live with his father; and that love and respect will be returned to you directly and towards those he has relationships with in the future. It is an incredible, loving, motherly gift you are giving him; whether he realizes it now or not.

Michael may never truly realize the potential he walked away from, but I believe that you finally are realizing it in yourself. You have given much and have much to give. His loss will truly be someone else's gain.

I hope that you are able to fully enjoy the rewards of your special evening with Morgan.

Congratulations to you both. I know you have both earned it.

From your dear friend,

Barb