Being Discouraged By Everyone I Talk Too

Every time i mention to someone that I am considering surgery, all I hear is oh no don't do that, Or that is not what you should do. This is my family and friends I mean. I am really interested and have to see the Dr. Again June 15th but I keep hearing not to do it from the people that I care about most. What should I do? Has anyone ever had the same experience as this?

Hi Amy, You need to do what is best for you. Although family and friends are looking out for you, they don't always have the answers. All I can say, is do your research and talk to your family and friends about why you are looking at having this surgery. Know that you have everyone here to support you in everyway. Take care. Heather 377.5/254/150

Hi Amy, I am lucky, I did not have that experience. You have to do what you feel comfortable with. If you decide not to have the surgery because others talked you out of it then you have the chance of being miserable your whole life. You can have the surgery, lose the weight, have a long and healthy life and be there for your children. You have to make the decision. I only know I wish I had the chance to do this when I was younger. I am so happy I have done it now, I am much healthier for it, but my life would have been so different had I done this years ago. You have to do whats right for you. Call me anytime you need to talk 647-340-3397 home 416-275-4715 cell Take care Joyce

Aww sorry about the discouragement Amy. My oldest son was the only one who thought that but you have to think for yourself. Have you tried enough and most of us have. People have to put themselves in your shoes. If they love you and you decide to follow through, they'll be at your side no matter what........... they just care and love you and afraid. but being healthier is a way better option for me. Trust me you are not allow in this area, many of other OHer's have experience the same and I'm sure will express their thoughts to you too. All the best Janet 268/212/140

I have decided not to tell anyone but my husband and 2 kids about surgery. They have been really supportive in my decision, although my kids say they love my belly and that I'm beautiful just the way I am.(they are the greatest!) I did tell my mom yesterday that I had sent in Papers for surgery in the States cause I had to ask her some family medical history. She then asked me "why" I was asking so many questions, so I decided to tell her in hopes for her support. Well, at first she grumbled and did the whole argghh thing, so I let her read my personal letter to ohip and showed her stuff on the surgery and she seemed to come around, but I don't really expect too much from her(why start now), but she's my mom and i wanted her to know, so we'll see if she asks me any more about it. As for my inlaws, they'll probably know at the last minute so I don't have to hear any negativity. My sister-in-law starves herself and her 2 girls (they are 4 and 9 yrs.) so they stay thin.(she thinks anybody can lose weight if they want to, and that overweight people just eat too much and are lazy) her 9 yr. old is already afraid of being fat and is counting calories! I can see this heading right for a therapist visit--but what Do I know! So that is why I have decided to pretty much keep it between us, all the support i have been getting is from this website, and it has been more than i have gotten in my whole life!! Follow your heart and keep talking to everyone here..........good luck jackie

Hello Amy and Welcome!!! I had a similar experience, though just with family. All I can tell you is how I handled the situation and hope that helps. I know how you're feeling and I know it isn't easy. I let my parents and two sisters voice their opinions, without fighting them. I just let them speak and then changed the subject quietly. Then I just went ahead and made plans, according to what I felt in my heart was right for me... .hoping they would eventually understand and come around. They needed to know that I was serious and that I had researched this option, not just decided on a whim. I figured it was easier to show them with actions rather than endlessly argue my point verbally. That's incredibly draining... Once I had my paperwork all filled out and faxed off I just stayed quiet abuot it with them. They'd already made it clear they wouldn't help me get to Michigan and, again, I refused to react emotionally to it. I told them that was fine but that I would find another way there. Whatever they threw at me I just stayed calm. Don't misunderstand me, I was upset by it all. I just never showed them because that's what they were looking for. I knew it all came from love and that helped, but only to a point. When my approval came through and I told my parents there was almost no reaction at all... I might as well ahve told them it was Thursday. That stung a bit but the silver lining there was that I knew they were starting to resign themselves to the fact that I was going to make this happen for myself. Then I called my brother in Oakville just last night. He's thrilled for me and has told me not to worry about getting there and back for my operation... that he and his wife will see to it that everything's taken care of. Well, you can imagine how wonderful that felt. Not just that I didn't have to worry about how I was going to get to Michigan... but that someone in my family actually "gets it." And I knew he would from the start. So you see Amy, when something's meant to be, it simply happens. There isn't a force on earth that can stop it. I didn't mean to go on this long. I just wanted you to know that there are loads of wonderful people on this site, not just me, who can relate to your experience. And we're all here to help, even if it's just to be an "ear" for you. Do your research so you can be sure this is right for you... And then stay especially close to those people in your life *****act positively to this news. Let everyone else know you appreciate their opinion/concern but that you're an intelligent human being and you know what you're doing... Keep us updated okay? You're not alone and if you choose to go through with this option know you'll never be alone on this website... Good luck!!! Connie

This is what you do. You ignore them. You tell them you appreciate their input, but you need to do what's best for you. Tell them you've done your research and you know it is the best thing for YOU. I'm careful who I tell - I can usually pick out who's going to be negative and who isn't. They may eventually come around. Take someone to a support group meeting with you if you have to. You have to do what's best for YOU only - not everyone else. Tricia

Most people were extremely supportive of my decision. Having said that, my parents were VERY scared about the surgery and I spent a great deal of time explaining and re-explaining everything to them. I also took my mother with me to meet my surgeon. After that happened, she was MUCH more comfortable. Since my surgery, they have been my biggest supporters and cheerleaders. You may want to bring your family member with you to a support group meeting - often talking with others and seeing positive results helps. Wishing you the best, Karen M RNY March 21/06 290/179/???

Sing them that song they teach kids in grade school..... "my body's nobodys body but mine You run your own body let me run mine!!" I say "F" 'em, your body, your choice! It would be nice to have their support but you certainly don't need their approval....don't let people make you feel bad, this is the best damn thing you'll ever do for yourself. Cheers Jen

I am lucy...for the most part my friends and family have been supportive, I guess that is because while I was debating it all, I was also researching extensively all the options, so when they had questions or came up with negative remarks I had something to counter them with. Being informed is the important piece I think, people that don't understand the process have so many reservations, you just have to know what it is you need to do for you and research research research! They will come around once they realize that you know what you are talking about and they are likely afraid for you, knowledge is power...you can help them understand and the support of people on here can arm you with alot of power. We are here for you Amy Hugs, Sue