My last day as a fat person

So, tomorrow I'll join the losers on the bench.  But for today, I am really concentrating on what it is like to be a fat person, so I will never forget where I've come from and will never lose compassion for those still struggling. As I walked up the steps today to work, I was out of breath. When I saw my reflection in the elevator doors, I wanted to turn away, but I didn't.  I saw what I really look like today.  All the lumps and bumps and  largeness.  That's me in my green size 4X pants and bright green 3X top. And there's a little stain on my top from where food has dropped in the past.   I can never seem to eat without getting something on me!   I am only having clear liquids today, and I think that's just fine. Crystal Lite, broth, jello and decaf tea have sustained me through the morning. At lunch time I walk 2 blocks to a mall, in order to get books for my hospital stay. I notice other people's butts.  Some small, some larger, but I don't think I saw any as large as mine At the mall, there is a food court, and a coffee shop, and a popcorn store, and a Godiva chocolatier. I smell everything.  I want everything.  My addiction is kicking in, and I know I cannot give in. I feel empowered, tossed with afraid and just a little sad.

On the way back to the office, I notice my knees burn, my back hurts, my hips ache. I'm out of breath again, and sweating profusely.  I avoid the sidewalk grate.  I don't want to fall through! There's that stupid elevator door again with my reflection in it.   I'm back at my desk, drinking my Crystal Lite.  Relieved to be off my feet.

Jill, I think you are very prepared and I want to wish you luck and blessings tomorrow.  I am scheduled for WLS on 6/25 and as I've read your posts the last couple of weeks, I read what has been going through my own mind.  Good luck to you tomorrow and in the weeks to come as you go through the beginning steps to the rest of your life.  I'll be thinking of you and looking forward to your posts to know what I can expect in four weeks.  My prayers are with you, Eileen

Good luck - before you know it you will be on the losing side of life!!  Take care!

 

Debbie

Jill...You are going to do incredibly well!  Best of luck tomorrow.  We will all be thinking about you and will want to hear how you are doing.  See you on the loser's bench.

HG

Jill - Best of Luck tomorrow - can't wait to hear from you on the losing side of things!! Is there someone that can/will post for you tomrorow to let us know you are out of surgery and doing well? Thanks! Liz

My angel, Patti, will keep you posted!

Jill, You are totally prepared.  You will do awesome.  Know that God is in control of the whole surgery and will be there every step of the way.  I am hoping to drop by Barix to see you.   Hugs, Trish

Jill,  What can I say that I haven't already said to you?  I'm psyched for you!  I feel like you and I have been side by side on this journey. . . with Barix and Dr. Pupkova, getting our paperwork processed, getting the all clearences and then getting the schedule we needed in our window of most favorable opportunity to have a procedure, heal and resume an active but limited schedule.  "All will be well, and all manners of things will be well"  (Julien of Norwich - mystic & saint).   Jan

Hi Jill,

     Everything you have done and said is me to a tee. I bet others feel and felt the same way. Good luck tomorrow and see ya on the other side. 

Alice

Jill, Tomorrow this time you will be on the loser's bench with all of us!  You're going to do just great on this journey!  If you ever have any questions, we're all going to be here for you.  Have no fear, you are in the best of hands with Barix and Dr. Pupkova!   See you tomorrow....on the losing side!