OK my turn
Liz, I may "say" this to you again before baby makes his/her appearance, but one thing about late stages of pregnancy is....sometimes all you can say is that every day is one day closer!
Now, as for all that was going on today, you've gotten some very good advice. Let me tell you a story.
When I was in my first marriage, I worked full time and had 2 kids, 17 months apart. I wanted my house to be nice (nicer than I grew up in, to be honest), so I was good about planning meals, cooking, cleanup, and generally straightening up every day. One day, it occurred to me that the balance had gone way out of whack. Hubby had stepped aside from some of "his" duties, like checking the oil in my car or plowing snow or what have you, and would come home from work to plop down, while I was working my butt off till 9 or 10 every night. Finally I made a list of every task I did, with the time spent on it each day, and the same list for him. I included work hours for both of us. I talled it up for the week, since some jobs (like grocery shopping) didn't happen every day. I included time for paying bills, dropping off dry cleaning, transport to school events, laundry...you name it.
Well, maybe it's because he was an engineer. I showed him the list and told him that I needed help. I asked him to commit to taking on more of the daily tasks (knowing he would never do errands or grocery shop).
And it worked, for a good while.
The key was communicating at a calm moment, so that's what I'd recommend. You have a great opportunity here, with baby coming, to say that you have the luxury of being home for a while, but also know that you are going to need his help, and that you don't want to have to ask every day.
As for work - good for you, for being so concerned an committed. But you know what? All you can do is all you can do. Stephen Covey wrote that we all have a "circle of concern" as well as a "circle of influence". Guess which one is bigger? You have concerns about work that you cannot directly influence. There again - I'd suggest that you leave things in good order, communicate everything necessary before baby arrives, and then....be kinda zen about it all when you are at home, and stay IN THE MOMENT.
{{{hugs}}} Lynn
Now, as for all that was going on today, you've gotten some very good advice. Let me tell you a story.
When I was in my first marriage, I worked full time and had 2 kids, 17 months apart. I wanted my house to be nice (nicer than I grew up in, to be honest), so I was good about planning meals, cooking, cleanup, and generally straightening up every day. One day, it occurred to me that the balance had gone way out of whack. Hubby had stepped aside from some of "his" duties, like checking the oil in my car or plowing snow or what have you, and would come home from work to plop down, while I was working my butt off till 9 or 10 every night. Finally I made a list of every task I did, with the time spent on it each day, and the same list for him. I included work hours for both of us. I talled it up for the week, since some jobs (like grocery shopping) didn't happen every day. I included time for paying bills, dropping off dry cleaning, transport to school events, laundry...you name it.
Well, maybe it's because he was an engineer. I showed him the list and told him that I needed help. I asked him to commit to taking on more of the daily tasks (knowing he would never do errands or grocery shop).
And it worked, for a good while.
The key was communicating at a calm moment, so that's what I'd recommend. You have a great opportunity here, with baby coming, to say that you have the luxury of being home for a while, but also know that you are going to need his help, and that you don't want to have to ask every day.
As for work - good for you, for being so concerned an committed. But you know what? All you can do is all you can do. Stephen Covey wrote that we all have a "circle of concern" as well as a "circle of influence". Guess which one is bigger? You have concerns about work that you cannot directly influence. There again - I'd suggest that you leave things in good order, communicate everything necessary before baby arrives, and then....be kinda zen about it all when you are at home, and stay IN THE MOMENT.
{{{hugs}}} Lynn
Hi Liz,
it will be fine, Men are from mars women are from venus if u have time to read get this it helps u
to understand the species.
even after the baby is born he will be a great dad and you will say to yourself . How come my life has changed and his didn't", well that will seem that way to you and it is probably true but thats is what is called being a MOM.
Most of this stuff bothering u probably wouldn't bother u when u r not pregnant not saying that it is right. Work is a job you go to to get paid so you can li\ve & survive they are not your family when you leave there after a few years you wont remember them & they wont remember you. Just talk to Chris real nice and explain to him, it is a shame we have to ask for everything to be done cause they don't think
hugs Susan
it will be fine, Men are from mars women are from venus if u have time to read get this it helps u
to understand the species.
even after the baby is born he will be a great dad and you will say to yourself . How come my life has changed and his didn't", well that will seem that way to you and it is probably true but thats is what is called being a MOM.
Most of this stuff bothering u probably wouldn't bother u when u r not pregnant not saying that it is right. Work is a job you go to to get paid so you can li\ve & survive they are not your family when you leave there after a few years you wont remember them & they wont remember you. Just talk to Chris real nice and explain to him, it is a shame we have to ask for everything to be done cause they don't think
hugs Susan
I'm almost afraid to respond to this, being one of the few guys in here.
It sounds like you and Chris have a good relationship. Talk to him. As stressful as this is for you, Chris is going through a lot of the same stress without the hormones. I know, I was in his shoes a couple years ago. Hang in there and talk to him to gain some sort of understanding. There may not be completely common ground but you'll likely meet at a nice spot somewhere in the middle. Good luck...
It sounds like you and Chris have a good relationship. Talk to him. As stressful as this is for you, Chris is going through a lot of the same stress without the hormones. I know, I was in his shoes a couple years ago. Hang in there and talk to him to gain some sort of understanding. There may not be completely common ground but you'll likely meet at a nice spot somewhere in the middle. Good luck...
My husband himself gave me the best piece of advice on men ever when he said one little thing to me
If you don't tell me I just don't know.
And that is how men tick. WE (venus) think they *should* know what to do, but they don't. They (Mars) need to be told and are Not actually ignoring what needs done they simply do not think of things like we do.
Just tell him. I have learned I tell mine and wait. Because he WILL do it when he gets to it. If it is urgent I tell him it needs done right away, otherwise I tell him what needs to be done and then thank him once it gets done.
Men are generally easy. They just need to be told what to do and then they need acknowledgement and they are happy and will do it without any fuss the next time. We appreciate geting it done and they appreciate being appreciated. Once we leave our ways to the side of being the DO IT NOW AND MY WAY species we do have less stress. Has worked great for me!
And rest up this next month!! You will need it!
If you don't tell me I just don't know.
And that is how men tick. WE (venus) think they *should* know what to do, but they don't. They (Mars) need to be told and are Not actually ignoring what needs done they simply do not think of things like we do.
Just tell him. I have learned I tell mine and wait. Because he WILL do it when he gets to it. If it is urgent I tell him it needs done right away, otherwise I tell him what needs to be done and then thank him once it gets done.
Men are generally easy. They just need to be told what to do and then they need acknowledgement and they are happy and will do it without any fuss the next time. We appreciate geting it done and they appreciate being appreciated. Once we leave our ways to the side of being the DO IT NOW AND MY WAY species we do have less stress. Has worked great for me!
And rest up this next month!! You will need it!
Sandra MY WL themed Blog: MA2JENNA
Thanks Sandra. I've been married almost 5 years now you'd think I would have crossed this bridge before! lol
I did end up hiring a cleaning lady too at least until fall. She'll come every 2 weeks and clean the majority of the house (really everything but the nursery, office and my bedroom).
I am going to start leaving Chris more notes.
I did end up hiring a cleaning lady too at least until fall. She'll come every 2 weeks and clean the majority of the house (really everything but the nursery, office and my bedroom).
I am going to start leaving Chris more notes.
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