Airline Humor

A friend sent this to me and I thought it was too funny not to share. I hope you all enjoy. Airline humor? Just in case you need a laugh: Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one - reassurance for those of us who fly routinely. After every flight, pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has "never, ever", had an accident. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. S: Almost replaced left inside main tire. P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. P: Something loose in ****pit. S: Something tightened in ****pit. P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live bugs on backorder. P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent. S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground. P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed. P: DME volume unbelievably loud. S: DME volume set to more believable level. P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S: That's what friction locks are for. P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. P: Suspected crack in windshield. S: Suspect you're right. P: Number 3 engine missing. S: Engine found on right wing after brief search. P: Aircraft handles funny. S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious. P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. P: Mouse in ****pit. S: Cat installed. And the best one for last........ P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. S: Took hammer away from midget

SOOOOO FUNNY! Kathy

Julie, That was hilarious. My husband is an A&P (Aircraft & Powerplant) , but also an inspector for those mechanics and he is still rolling on the floor. Thanks for the funny. Melony

Thanks for the laugh. Eddie

My hubby is a pilot, so this was pretty funny!! Thanks, I have had the day from you know where, and a merry heart doith good like a medicine! Love ya Julie! Thanks DEB

Too funny ... I'm gonna e-mail that one!!!!!!!!!