My Father Died

Well last wed. my father passed away. It has been 2 yrs since I last spoke to him. Let me give you a little history, My father left when I was 3. 1 day befor my sisters 5th birthday. He never sent child support or kept in touch. When I was 7 I need an operation and my mother need around 2 thousand dollars ( we lived on her military income she is retired airforce) So we never had a lot of extra cash. I bult up the courage to call my father for the frist time in 4 yrs. When I told him he replied that he did not believe me and hung up the phone. The next time I heard from him was when I was 12yrs. Even though my father had nothing t odo with my sister and I my grandfather and I keep in touch. I went t othe beach with my family for 2 weeks and when I returned I saw a letter addressed to me from my father. The letter was telling me what a horrible person I was for not going to my grandfathers funeral. Yep thats how I found out my grand father died. The next time I heard from him was when I was 14. I told him I wanted to met him and he agreed to met me at Fudruckers at 11:00 am. I stayed till 11:00 pm and he never showed. The abot 3 days later I got a letter explaining that it was my fault for not calling to confirm. THe last time I saw him was 2 yrs ago when my sister had made contact with and said that he had changed and stoped drinking. So My husband and I took our daughter ( I only had one at the time) to meet him. I just could not talk to him. He kept talking about people I never heard of like I knew them. It was so hard. He gave me his phone # and e-mail but I did not call him.. He later told my sister that I was disrespectful and would leave me nothing in his will. So last week I got the call that he died so I went to TN for the funeral ( my sister couldnot bring herself to go) and it was so hard hearing peole talk about what a good person he was and how he would help anyone all I could think was why couldn't he help me. Anyways I get to the church and everyone is stairing at me when I go st in the family pew (no one knew he had children) So people kept coming up to me and saying I didnt know Steve had a kid. Then the Father started and he lied and said the Steve talked about me all the time and asked if he weold pray for me that when I corrected him and told him that I have a sister. Anyways leaving the funeral going down the moutain my eardrums explode. ( the pressure from the high alt.) So my husband starts driving fast to find a hospital when the police pull us over.I tell him what happioned and they see the blood but still want to see ID So i tell my husband to open my purse and give him my DL when the cops see a vial of white powder (loose powder eyes shadow) So the pull us out of the car and made us get out of the car ( it was like 36 degrees outside and I had to take off my coat so they could serch it (keep in mind both of my ears are bleeding and I just left my fathers funeral) The cops call an ambulance after I told them not to I cant afford to pay an ambulance. And mad eme go to htre hospital keep my husband outside He told me later they searched the car with dogs. So I am crying in the hospital becouse I hurt andmy husband is not with me If they arrested him I would not have a car and I didnot even know where I was. So my husband finally arrives at the hospital (he said the cops followed him one in front one in back to the hospital. I get in to my car and everything is thrown areound so bad and my husband is sneezing (he is allergic to Dogs) I was so mad. So there is more to this story but my head hurts and the pain meds are making me dizzy Just need to vent. Cari

Oh my gosh Cari. I am so sorry to hear that you are going through all of this. I too know how it feels to have a father not be there for you when you are growing up. I had a half sister though and she was everything to my Dad and she was killed in a car accident with my stepmom in 2003 when she was 11 years old and until then my father and I had not spoken for 2 years either. I am so sorry you never had a good relationship with your father. I hope you know that it is not because of anything you have done to make it that way either. I wish you the best of luck and if you need anyone to talk to, email me. I will be praying for you. Jodie

Cari- I am so sorry to hear what happened to you. I will keep you in my prayers. Melissa

I am so sorry Cari that your life was filled with so much pain. My son's father was never there for him/us either. He was very abusive and ended up going to prison for trying to kill me and kidnapping my 2 son's. My youngest son was barely 2 and didn't remember anything, that God, and My oldest son remembered what he wanted to. He didn't remember all of the bad stuff and had dreams of what he wished their relationship could be, and wished the dreams were true so bad that he honestly believed they were. The last time my son saw his father he was 5 years old. When his father died and my son was only 14 it was so hard. Both of my son's had just come to me the same day and wanted to forgive him, he was scheduled to be released in 3 days when he died of a heart attact at age 43. To see my oldest son, fall on the casket crying with so many questions in his heart was so hard. And to see his friends and relatives look at me with so much hate was hard. They acted like it was my fault he went to prison and died there. The pain in my heart was eased by the fact that "our father", your's, mine and my son's, was there for me. He let me know that it didn't matter what all of those other people thought, I knew the truth. And I had to assure my son that his bio dad dissipointed him, but our Lord God, "our father", would never let him down. He will always be there for us. I hope you find peace. The choices he made, HE MADE, not you. Deb

YOU ARE SO RIGHT MS DEB ... OUR ONLY REAL HEALING IS IN OUR HEAVENLY FATHER, WE ON EARTH FALL SO SHORT & FAIL OURSELVES & OTHERS EVEN WHEN WE TRY TO DO RIGHT. WHEN I FELL APART AFTER MOMMA'S DIAGNOSIS, I SCREAMED OUT IN SUCH PAIN & HOPELESSNESS TO (&, "AT") GOD, BUT I NEVER LOST FAITH THAT HE IS THE ALMIGHTY ... THAT IS THE ONLY THING THAT I DID STILL HAVE FAITH IN ... WITH THAT ONE THOUGHT ... THAT OUR GOD IS ABOVE ALL ELSE, I'M BATTLING BACK. DURING THIS LENTEN SEASON, I'M WORKING & PRAYING TOWARDS A STATE OF PEACE THAT I'VE NEVER FOUND BEFORE ... MY MOTHER HAS IT; NO MATTER WHAT SHE FACES, SHE'S AT PEACE WITH HER JESUS. SHE'S A "LAMB" BY NATURE; I'M A "WARRIOR" BY NATURE, ALWAYS TAKING UP THE CAUSE FOR SOMEONE & FIGHTING FOR THEM, SO "PEACE" COMES HARDER FOR ME. BUT, I'M GOING TO FIND IT & LIVE IN IT! THANKS FOR SHARING YOUR WISDOM ... GOD BLESS YOU ... DAWN & NICk

I am sorry you had to go through this. It seems that maybe NOONE really knew your dad...even the ones that were speaking at the funeral. And as far as the cop thing goes...don't even get me started. I just want to say, welcome to the world of being part of a hispanic family. Kathy

youve been through alot lately.. sorry to hear about this too How did things turn out with your kids and social services from someone hurting them? did you find out who did it??? jen

WE ARE SO SORRY FOR ALL THAT YOU WENT THROUGH. AS IF YOU DIDN'T HAVE ENOUGH STRESS JUST WITH THE FUNERAL, THEN YOU HAD ALL THOSE OTHER THINGS GO SO TERRIBLY WRONG. THE THING THAT STRUCK ME WAS THAT YOU SHOWED YOURSELF TO BE SUCH A LADY OF CHARACTER & INTEGRITY. NO MATTER HOW MUCH OR HOW MANY TIMES YOUR FATHER HURT & REJECTED YOU, YOU STILL OFFERED YOUR HAND ... YOU STILL TRIED TO REACH OUT ... &, IN THE END, YOU HONORED HIM & SHOWED HIM RESPECT BY ATTENDING HIS FUNERAL. THAT SAYS VOLUMES ABOUT YOU & YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT YOU DID THE RIGHT THING ... YOU TOOK THE HIGH ROAD ... & THAT WILL EVENTUALLY HELP YOU TO FIND PEACE. GOD BLESS YOU ... DAWN & NICk