Ladies, I could use some advice...

I know that this question is off topic of WLS, but in a way does revolve around the changes that I have been going through with my WLS journey. My lovely wife is discussing cutting her hair a significant amount. She has mid-back length hair, there is a picture of her on her art web site www.inkybottoms.com and she is considering cutting it to above the shoulder or possibly even shorter. When I look up hair cutting in my Man Manual the topic of cutting hair a significant amount usually means there is some more drastic or some source of unhappiness in her current situation she is trying to change. I know that there are the usual things I do on a daily basis to irate her, and I know that there have been changes in my personality (more vocal about my likes and dislikes, and a greater tendency to speak my mind) and my available time to spend with her due to my WLS has increased my level of exercise and other out of the house activities. She not expressing a lot of unhappiness about her work, so I am getting a sense that she is not happy with the changes in our lives since my WLS. Lisa, typically does not deal well with change, I see many signs of OCD, though she has never been tested, and she is not interested in taking Dr. Russell's test, though Dr. Russell has offered to let her take the test and review it with her privately. I have read many posts about concerns over hair loss due to WLS and I have to believe that making a major decision about her hair is not a good thing, but I am not sure how to approach the subject of her happiness in relation to her desire to cut her hair. Is this a warning sign of trouble? Or am I making a big thing out of nothing over her desire for such a major change?

Frist let me say you are a good husband to try and figure all this out. My hair is so long it can ber tucked in my pants. Let me give you a diffrent idea. Maby she sees the changes in you and feels left out. She may not even relize that she is jelous of the atten you are getting. Cutting her hair is an easy way to say look at me I am diffrent too!! I say Support her! let her know I will love you no matter what you do to your hair. P.S. If she gets the new Brittny Spears Cut see a doctor pronto LOL

Cari, Thank you for the comments. I agree that she may be feeling left out, my butt (or the relative side of it) has be brought up in a lot of converstions she has had with our family, neighbors, and friends. Herb

Herb- It could be several things. It could represent something more drastic that she is trying to change ( as suggested in your manuel...which btw, I would like to see...never heard of the Man's Manual), or maybe she just would like to experience some change like you have. I don't want to say that she may be jealous, but we all know how friends and family respond sometimes after surgery. There can be a bit of a jealous tendenct there. Conciously or unconciously. I think you should talk to her. Not necessarily about the haircut, but her feelings regarding the surgery. She could be afraid of the change in you. She could be feeling less secure. WOMEN NEED TO BE TOLD OFTEN HOW MUCH THEY ARE LOVED AND APPRECIATED. I know that for myself after surgery, some of my focus that was normally spent on my husband, and children was being spent on me!!! Maybe, that is what is going on her and she is trying to get your attention. I think your best bet is to just talk to your lovely wife (I saw her pic and artwork...she is wonderful). Good luck. I applaude you for making an effort to figure out your wife's feeling!!!!! You da man!!!!! I don't know if this helped at all, just trying to see how I might feel. Melissa

Melissa, Thank you for the comments. Yes, I could do a better job of talking to her about her feelings about how these changes are effecting us. I may be making things up in my head worse than they are. Plus, although I think I did tell her that I loved her and appreciated her in my life back in June of 1998, she may be due for a reminder.

It could just be the change in weather. I want to cut all my hair off too, and my hair isn't that long and I look HORRIBLE with short hair. It's just that yesterday was such a beautiful day and springtime always makes me want to make some changes. In my house, with my appearance, etc. I was not allowed to cut my hair growing up. When I was allowed to do that, it was FREEING!!! I felt liberated. Weird. I know. Maybe she does want a change to better her self esteem because of your changes. OR MAYBE she just wants a new hairdo. Honestly, I think you are overanalyzing it. But I do agree with Cari, call for help if she shaves it all off! Kathy

Kathy, Thank you for the comments. Yes, after reading a few of these post I may be overanalyzing a simple haircut. She may be looking for a change due to the weather or freedom from the blow drier ritual. I will be much more concerned if she comes home today clean shaven, it maybe a real clue-by-four to my head about her feelings. Herb

Oh Herb, I think it's wonderful that you are putting so much thought into your wife's feelings and mind frame. I'm not sure if this is a warning sign but it is definitely a sign that she wants to change and move to another phase in her own life. I would let her know that you support her in any decision she makes just as she supported you in your WLS. I would ask her why she wants to cut her hair though. I had really long hair but cut it off as short as Halle Berry because I felt it made me look alot older than what I really was and it took away from my natural glow. I thought by cutting it that people could see me and not my hair. It kind of back-fired when I gained all my weight cause people kept saying "oh, you have such a pretty face" like I was a darn smiley face or something . Don't sweat the haircut though, maybe she wants you to be attracted to her in a whole new way, maybe she is trying to make herself more hot like her new hot husband. Just talk to her and make sure she is doing this because she wants to, not because she thinks she has to, in order to keep up with you or be attractive in your eyes. Once you have established her reason for cutting it, go from there but you have to get the true answer right from the source and that's your lovely wife Lisa. Keep in mind that anyone can change and adapt to change but only when they are ready and see fit to do so. Talk to you soon hun, hope this helps a bit. Robin

Robin, Thank you. While it may be an obvious question to ask, I never really asked her why she wants to cut her hair. I will have to see where that approach takes the conversation. Herb

My heart goes out to you Herb for trying to understand your wife. That has got be one of the hardest things in the world to do. I need to get this manual for my husband. I am the queen of changing my hair because it always makes me feel better to do it. Just talk to her about it and express your concern! She is so lucky to have you! Rachel