Our Gabriel

Most of the people I met in Myrtle Beach know me and Scott have a 4 year old child. Well I didn't tell you all he is not ours biologically. I worked with a girl in 2003 after my step daughter was killed in an accident. The woman did not want him. So we took him in. And fell in love with him. We felt it was Gods way of helping us deal with the loss of a child. We called him Gods bandaid. And he needed us as much as we needed him. Me and Scott want to adopt him so bad. But his mother said she is not giving up her parental rights even though we have had him since he was 11 months and before that he was in foster care for 3 months. Last week she was arrested for 2 counts of armed robbery. She is out on bail.She also has 2 other children, girls age 15 and 7 that live with a grandmother and a father. They all 3 have different fathers. She is not allowed to see them. And stays in and out of jail for failure to pay child support. Well, I went to her house yesterday because she is being evicted. And she gave me all of Gabriels pics, birth records etc. Because she had no place to put them. Then I tried to enroll him in 4k for the fall and they said no because we don't have any papers on him. So I asked her for guardianship and she said not if it takes her rights away. Let me remind you she has seen him only 3 times for about 4 hours total since last August. And only about 2 times a month since we got him. He is now 4 will be 5 in Dec. So I called our attorney. No call back yet. I am so sick of this. I don't have the money it will take to launch a battle for him. I would die for him but money is not something I have a lot of. They want 3,000. Just to start paperwork. I need someone who will do it pro bono. I think thats the word for free. HAHA....And his biological dad won't do anything either to help. He is too scared she will fight him for child support even though she dosen't have him. He is a dead beat too. And then this morning I find out she checked herself into the Dawn Center because she is so strung out on crack. What can I do? We are not kin to her or Gabriel by blood relations. She was a girl I worked with and decided she didn't want him and let us have him. She has never paid one cent to us. We have paid for everything for this baby. He is mine in my eyes. I love him and never want to see her have him to hurt him. Does anyone know what I can do. Anyone work in a lawyers office with advice? Anything...But mostly I need prayers. Ask God to do what he thinks is best for Gabriel. Please add us to pray list at churches and in your own prayers. Thank you all...Love Jennifer Vallentine

You may want to go to child Protective Services with this. You may have to become foster parents and legally foster Gabriel. I think once that happens, and she continues to prove herself an unfit mother, they will terminate her rights. If this happens, it will cost you next to nothing. HOWEVER, Child Protective Services is notorious for pushing re-unification. Which means they prefer biological family over adoptive families. They will give her a chance to straighten up and give her all the resources inthe world for FREE to get that child back. (I'm an adoptive mother who chose to go for private adoption for this reason.) They will also go after the biological dad for support and may even give him the chance to take him instead. Its kind of damned if you do and damned if you don't type thing. Because neither parent legally gave up their rights, you are in a real bind right now. you might want to call CPS and not give them too much information. Someone may be able to tell you where to start. They may even know some pro-bono attorneys. Unfortuntaly, your best bet is definitely an attorney. I know some adoptive parents actually have "fundraisers" through their churches and communities to pay legal fees etc. to adopt babies. I will definitely be praying for you. My daughter just turned 5 and if either birth parent came back for her, I would RUN LIKE THE WIND!! You guys would see me on America's Most Wanted. They would have to lock me up to separate me from her! ((((HUGS)))) Kathy

Can't you go to DSS (Department of Social Services) and talk to them about it? Tell them the story and about the mom's arrest record-crack record and I'm sure there is something they can do to help you at least get custody of him. I would think anyways but then again who knows with this messed up world we live in. I know a VERY VERY good reputable attorney in St George. He's a personal friend as well as handled many custody battles with my daughter for me. He's the BEST! He won't take your case unless he can win and he does NOT lose. If you'd like his name and # I'd be happy to pass that along just let me know. His prices fluckuates *sp* catch him on a good day and he'll do it cheap, bad day he wants FULL price. All depends really. Good luck and I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. (((HUGS)))

Jennifer- I would do what Kathy said. I don't have any other advice for you. I do want you to know that I am praying for you, your hubby and Gabriel. I hope that everything works out for you all. I know you are a blessing to that little boy. Keep us updated on whats going on!!! Melissa

Hey, I am so sorry that your family is dealing with this. We adopted our youngest son, his mother wanted us to have him, but he was directly taken into DSS custody in Oregon. You may want to start the paperwork to become foster parents, it took us a long time to become certified because of the slowness of the state. I will also ask an attorney who works in my office her advise for you. Good Luck Mary PS - I approached it with Scott's biological mother that I would always let her see him if she wanted (she hasnt ever, too strung out on meth) but that if she gave up her rights then i could protect her from having to pay child support. I learned working with her that if I presented things to her advantage, she would do it. To make it more heartbreaking, this is my stepdaughter. She daily breaks her father's heart. She is in Portland Oregon.

I'd becareful of DSS... they're not a great thing to deal with (knows from past dealings with them) but you can get legal guardien (sp) over him and she not loose her rights... maybe try to get a paralegal to draw up some papers for you.. then later down the road keep records of her arrest and everything from no visits.. no support and so on ... the paralegal's paper should help in getting him in school ... also there's always home schooling but I would really try to get full custody of him before she does come back and try to take him just out of spite... if nothing else tell her you need these papers so you can enroll him or she'll be going back to jail for him not being in school... anyway I hope everything works out for you and I'm so glad there's people out there for all these babies that people just don't want... *hugs* Stephie

I too would stay away from DSS, they have a way of turning things back around on you. Maybe if you could get her to believe that by signing over custody, it was only a temp thing (don't let it be temp though) you will be able to get him enrolled in school, (don't tell her what school though), and need it to get him medical help. Let her know she can be a part of his life forever. Tell her what you need to tell her, but you have to protect this child. Susan told me today that she sent off for information to enroll in Law school. She also wants to specialize in helping children. If we can get somethinng temp, maybe you could be one of her first cases. Really, I would go through the process to be foster parents. For one thing, you would be able to protect him better and she couldn't just come and take him. And another thing, they would pay you and this could go towards fighting for him if you have to. I am praying for you. Family is everything. Deb

Jennifer, I am so sorry you are going through this but the others gave some great advice. See is you can become Foster Parents for Gabriel. I know a couple that did that so they could adopt a child. It took a while but if it gets you what you want, then the wait is worth it. I encourage you to call the Law School at USC or the one in Charleston. They may have a program that will help you out in finding lawyer that will work with you for a reduce rate or payment plans or even free. It would be worth the phone call. I know the Business School in Cola has something like that. I wish you all the luck in the world and my thoughts and prayers are with you. You are a very special person to take on the task and you deserve to win. Julie