Violated

I just wanted to publicly let everyone know, opposed to emailing everyone, regarding my absence around the boards and such. I found out recently that my ex-husband has been looming the Internet reading all my blogs and online material. HI JAY! He just googled my email address and found all these places I've signed up for. He says he won't do it anymore, but I don't believe that.  We are going through a divorce and while none of the material on here that I write is that personal, I don't like the fact that he dug around for it. Everything that I say on here, I would say it in person to him too. I just feel icky. He told me he read my online journal [that I've been doing for over 5 years] and he spent 6 hours going all the way through it. I know that I have zero expectation of privacy putting my info on the net, but com'n...if I really wanted him to know, i would've linked him to the journal. Everything that I put in there, I told him in person, but I guess it didn't set in till he read it online. I don't even link that journal out to my friends locally. That is my place to vent everything I'm thinking on the inside. If some stranger in Canada wants to read it, I don't care. I just didn't like the way he went about it. My advice to those that are nosey, don't go diggin because you might not like what you find. Be prepared. I guess the reason I'm writing this is because now I don't feel like sharing much on the net. I've had to put a lock-down on my journal, my Myspace is friends only, and now I'm going to probably put my profile on here for friends only and that just sucks because I come here to give back what I've been given. I have experience to lend to the Pre-ops and questions for those that are further along than me or to share with people who are with me. I've made some dear friends here and I just hate this feeling. The separation papers are signed. There is nothing he can use here against me. Its all out there now. We're having an uncontested divorce. He's not angry with me. I just don't trust him. I rarely trust anyone fully as it is, now its worse.  I guess I'm venting and explaining as a whole. So basically, if you want to see pics and be more in touch with me, you'll have to add me as a friend on MySpace because that is the only place that I know is completely locked down and where I will still share openly. I'm not going to stop reading or adding comments, just gonna be more careful as to what I write. I hate this.

Amber, I am sorry you are going through this. It would seem like you are moving on with your life but he isn't. Going through a divorce sucks as I really used to think you don't know a person until you divorce them - then their really low side comes out.... my ex did some really mean things to me that I never even thought he would be capable of!  And if I had been blogging or was on a board like this I am sure he would be glued to it - it is the lack of control they can't take.  I understand about you locking stuff down but don't let him keep you away from what you want to do and how you want to live your life - this is HIS problem and he needs to take care of it. Once he finds someone else he can care about he will move on - but may have some degree of curiosity for a long time to come.   I don't think men take to divorce all that well...... Hang in there and know we are all on your side!! Jackie

Amber- I completely understand.....ya know!?  I hope that in time he will move on and you will feel safe again to share yourself publically again. You're wonderful....I'll certainly try to get added as a friend on myspace (if I can figure out how!...I'm a myspace newbie)....I can't lose being in touch with my date twin.   {{Hugs}}

Hey Amber - yep know EXACTLY what you are talking bout. I have chosen not to discuss much of my situation and instead simply mark my profiles private, share with those what I wish to and otherwise, not happening. I look at it like this (my situation) people who are unhappy in their lives tend to be busy bodies so I weeded my garden and now just have the flowers (for the most part) and you'll know what I want you to know. Its important to keep journaling on (I know you will - we are the same there) and I have been praying for you major. You are taking precautions to protect yourself. I am VERY disappointed in some others for the issues they have caused and therefore took the very same steps you have and my life has been plugging along beautifully WITHOUT the added drama, stress, confusion and as for my trust levels??? I have an amazing support system in place and although we all have trust issues I am finally realizing that everyone will hurt us at some point we just gotta decide who's worth it. You know I'm here for ya and you're an amazing connection, soul & person. All best....

Amber, I am sorry this is happening to you. My ex went as far as to follow me and take pictures of what I was doing. So, I too know the feeling of being violated. At least you have LeeLee to talk to and share what you can't on line. I hope we can get together soon. Cora now has a viral infection in her mouth on top of the strep throat. Poor baby. She is feeling a tad better today, so far. Take care.

30-year survivor of divorce here and I still remember the games and cheap shots.  Take care of #1 (and your #2).  Just hope to meet you someday!

Gee Amber I am so sorry that you have had to go through this.  He must have a miserable life to have to do that.  I will try to add you to myspace as I definitely get motivated by you and still would love to meet you one day.  Keep your chin up girl, you are WAY better than that man!

Oh Amber that is terrible.  It is a shame that you have to hide yourself.  Hope that things get better for you soon.

Amber, I am so sorry, as I went through the same thing with my ex....we went through a very bad divorce and I hated his snooping.  Yes, I know how it feels to be violated and that is what it is...Look me up on MySpace....I am there...Hugs, Betsy

Sorry that he's putting you through that   crap. Strange how  men like to be more connected after you are no longer together isn't it? Keep your chin up. ((((hugs))))