Greetings from SanFran!!

First off, let me say thank you with all my heart to my little Angel, Kat, for keeping you guys up to date.  Second, gosh I miss ya'll soooooo much.  So many of you have PM'd me with wishes of love & support & that just means more than you can know. I've been very hessitant about posting, partially because I hate being a whiner, partly because I haven't been feeling very supportive or sociable lately.  But then I started reading some of the latest posts & got a reminder that we ARE a family here & as one of you said, where else can you go to whine & nobody gets upset about it? or something to that effect.  I'm just not used to feeling so darned needy, ya know? I was supposed to have returned home this past Wednesday but opted to stay indefinately to help my cousin TRY to regain control of Auntie's house.  Did any of you see Oprah's show these past couple of days about the hoarder?  Well, Auntie's not quite THAT bad, but nearly.  So far I've barely made a dent in the "stuff!" The latest on Auntie is that she's no longer on a ventillator.  Sometime during last night they took her to the OR, removed the vent & put in a trach instead.  Last report is that she is not tollerating the trach well at all. As for me, well, I can feel some depression setting in.  I've been here, in Auntie's house by myself since Wednesday...nobody to talk to, surrounded by all this "stuff".  Jess had to go back home so her daughter could go back to school.  My sis, Patty, went home Wednesday.  My other cousin, MaryAnn went back to her job & apartment.  I look around at all the things accumulated in this house & I just feel so overwhelmed, like what the hell was I thinking?  It's mixed emotions because some of the stuff are true treasures, such as my great grandfather's scrapbook from the 20s & 30s.  My g'pa's scrap book too from when he was in college.  Old photos everywhere of ancestors long gone.  Photos of my Dad, which is really hard on me because we had such a stormy relationship in my adult years.  Then there's the stuff Auntie has pack ratted into this house.  Everywhere I turn, I find collectors plates.  Not just one or two, but HUNDREDS!!!!  And other stuff.  A 3 foot tall glass vase, never out of the box.  There are two bedrooms PACKED nearly to the ceiling with boxes & boxes & bags & bags of stuff that she's compulsively bought.  It saddens my heart to see this arbitrary spending & I can't help to wonder what was she trying to over compensate for?  I will probably never know the answer. Even when or if we divest this place of all the stuff, the house itself is in dire need of repair.  Paint chipping, carpet that needs to be removed, wallpaper partially stripped or just plain falling off the walls.  And there are "notes" written all over the walls & kitchen cabinets.  I just threw away 3 very large trashbags full of old emails Auntie printed out.  Why on earth would anyone save old emails?  But there they were...stacks & stacks of them!  In just the living room alone there are 14 table surfaces & each surface & draw are full of knick-knacks, pictures, & junk!!!  The house has a musty, moldy smell so I've been trying to brave the chilly temps & air out the house by leaving the doors open & using the screen doors.  Like I said, I'm just so overwhelmed.  I wish I had the money to bring Matt out here...at least I'd have some brawn to move stuff. On top of all this, I will miss having T'giving with Mike & my boys, plus I will miss Matt's birthday.  I wanna go home but I feel I'm needed more here. And so this is why I haven't been around OH much lately.  I don't want to be a downer when ya'll are so up.  I'm not very good company & I can feel myself wallering a bit which doesn't make for a very good support person for others.  I'm out of my element, as it were.  I KNOW that all this shall pass & that things will work out the way they are supposed to, but in the meantime...phew...it's all just a bit much. Before I end this, I wanted to send out some special comments to a few of you.  Judy, congrats on your upcoming move & for the 5 lb loss.  Both very good pieces of news.  Kat's Mom, even though you aren't having the surgery yet, this is still a place dedicated to weight loss, no matter what form that takes. So please do continue to come here & share, laugh, inspire, vent, whine, rejoice.  You can sit next to me on the loser's bench any day, dear lady!!  I'm proud of you for finding a way to raise the bar with your fitness.  Michael, come on boy...you've read enough posts to know that plateaus are normal.  Everybody gave you great advice & I know you will try them all.  Have faith, dear...you ain't done losing yet!!  As for the rest of you...just know that each of you are in my heart & in my thoughts more than you might realize.  Your love & friendship mean a great deal to me.  Have no fear...I will pull through this, I have no doubt.  I guess I just need to take baby steps.  Fortunately, Jess will be here sometime today & will be staying for a few days so I won't have to be alone here anymore.  I'll try to keep ya'll posted on what's the happs.  Oh, before I forget...Kat...what surgery???  Why are you having surgery??? Anyways,  hugs to all!!!!

Hi, cwmom98, you are one sweet woman and I am proud to call you my friend. Do not ever hessitate to get on here and vent and just let out what you are feeling we all do understand and have probly been where you are.  I amire your strength and endurance for all that you are doing for your Auntie. It takes a very special person to do all that you are doing and when it is all over you will feel like you really have done a great job and feel good about yourself. Just take it one day at a time and do not over do it yourself.I will keep praying for you and your family things will work itself out and just keep asking God to be there and help and he will answer.If I had the money I would come out there to help you and fix up that house and clean and get rid of the things that are not needed anymore. You are right this is a start for me and will all the great people on here. I WILL Make it. I will keep coming here and even if I never get the surgery I know that I have a place that can help me and that I can talk to. Thank you and I think I would love to sit next to you on the loser's bench. If you need to talk you can pm me and I will give you my cell number. I have Verizon and I do talk on it. We are all still there for you too. Kat will have to tell you what type of surgery and she will shortly. Love to you and your family.

Thanks for the kind words, Pat.  I can see that your little apple doesn't fall far from your tree...wink, wink. I now have your # on my cell phone so don't be surprised if you get a call...LOL.

Hiya Ann - I am soooo happy to see your post this pm!!! Sweetie I have been praying for you and thinking about you all week! I know things aren't easy for ya right now. Take things one at a time and make the best choices you can given the cir****tances. That's all you can do. I'm sorry you won't be here for turkey day and that you'll miss Matt's b-day. Know that you are loved and missed and are supported in all you do. It does take a toll on you being alone but you really are not. The Lord is there with you every step of the way and He has sent you Angels in His place in the physical. I hope you know that you are a strong, amazing woman with so much heart and soul and may we all find the strength and courage to be strong like you and keep in mind having some time to just breathe and let it all out is NECESSARY sweetie. Don't try to hold it all in. That just makes things a bit harder to deal with. Oh and I'm having surgery to get my LIFE back!! I'll fill you in a bit later via PM on aol. I have to say I have NEVER looked more forward to having surgery (with the exception of WLS) than I am this week. The Lord is with me & my docs and I'm going to be fine. Just say a few prayers for me while I'm coasting in la la land. I'll be in touch. All best, bigs hugs & lots of love.......

Oh my girlie...no fair teasing me about the surgery stuff.  Now ya got me worried even more!  But that's just because I hate surprises, good or bad.  Of course you will be in my thoughts...you all are everyday!  I'm guessing yer mama will be your angel & keep us informed as to your condition, right?  I'm sure all will go well for you, sweetie. Love ya bunches!!!!

Just wanted to tell you that you are on my mind, in my prayers & I miss you much.  Love you!!!!  Your son represented you well.

So hey there Mrs. Married Thang!!  When did you get back?  Pictures!  I NEED PICTURES!!!!  I wanna see my hay bales,..,lol! Matt said he really did enjoy himself & was glad to hook up with Kat & the gang.  And of course he said you were lovely.  BTW, he asked me "hey, how come Courtney's kids got rings & all me & Chris got was a jug of sand???  Where's MY ring??"  Thanks, C!!! I miss you too, hon.

Sweet Ann you come here and vent, cry , scream, laugh, whatever the mood strikes you! This is what we are all here for weather we all admit it or not we all have issues at some time in our lives and we all have melt downs and we need places to go and have people to understand and just be there for us. And this is your shoulder whenever you need it. And my email or phone is always open to you. I miss your smile here everyday but I understand you must do what you must. God Bless you and may he be by your side making you a stronger lady you cant get much stronger but his guidence will pull you threw those tough days your having. Your in my thoughts and prayers and we are here everyday for you. Be safe and Hope you have  a safe and some what of a Happy Holiday Hugssssss from Va to San fran.

Melinda, darling...you are forever my little cheerleader.  You have a heart bigger than the Grand Canyon & I love ya for it.  Thanks for the cheering up!!!  I needed that!

I try I love ya miss ya too!!! Hope to see ya soon.....