divorcing...

Did anyone have issues with their spouse after the surgery? I'm starting to wish that I didn't have the surgery. My hubby and I are separating- I asked him to leave tonight. He said that he's not happy with his life.  Has anyone else had this happen? I mean I know things were rough, but I didn't realize that he was that unhappy.  I don't know what to do. Except pray of course.  I can't believe he's going to leave 16 years of marriage and 2 kids...

Im so sorry to here this sweetie I was just asking the other week about you, wondering where you were. I cant answer your question but Im sure someone will. But knowwe are here for you to support in any way we can so please know you can come so just ask ok. Im local so if you ever just need to chat or want to go for coffee just give me a shout. Hugs to you and your in my prayers. Love the picture, you look great...

For the life of me I can not understand how guys can do that. I've been married for almost 25 years and while we have had our share of trials and tribulations, I could never see giving up my wife and children. Not for anyone or anything else.  I will be praying for you and your family. Especially for your husband who needs to realize that you and the kids are his life and only he can make it a happy one.

I am sorry you are going through this especially at the holiday season. They say that if your marriage is rocky prior to surgery it may not improve after surgery as spouses may go through their own identity crisis. No-one can advise you exactly on what you shoud do - you know what your issues are - maybe he would be interested in attending counseling with you........ he may just need space........ but if he is going to stay away  please go to an attorney and protect yourself and your kids......... Good luck - we are all here for you ....... Jackie

Good am - what a tough time for you. Prayers coming your way. Speaking personally & watching those close to me struggle with this very thing I can say that there are almost always issues BEFORE we have surgery that we may choose to overlook/sweep under the carpet. When we have surgery & are dealing with a whole other set of changes, trials, challenges etc sometimes the problems become even more highlighted.  I've struggled personally & I've watched others do the same with or without surgery. Its incredibly hard post-op in my opinion because we are experiencing so many things through different eyes literally and figuratively. I've learned that some folks cannot deal with the marked changes in their spouses/significant others when they've seen them one way for so long then they/we start dropping lb, start changing physically, emotionally, spiritually & mentally and its not easy combined with the holidays, jobs, kids, bills, everyday stressors etc. ***Thank the Lord for the tool you've been provided. Its about improving your health and please see the positives. We gain self confidence and new found strength in ourselves (albeit slowly) and we begin to be able to tackle things ourselves & sometimes others feel intimidated by us. My advice to you is to really search your heart and soul and try to take things one day at a time. Its actually pretty common for wls patients to go through this (so I've learned).  I offer to you lifting you & your family up to the Lord in prayers and asking that you do the same. Ask the Lord to guide you & your family, give you strength & keep your faith & hope strong. Its not easy, there is no simple set of answers or things that will make it all better. You'll experience every kind of emotion you didn't even know you could and probably then some. One thing I can suggest is make sure you & him are dealing with things your way as at times others mean well but sometimes "outsiders" tend to hurt a situation more than help. (Speaking personally) I wish you nothing but the best & you are in my thoughts & prayers....All best....

I am so sorry you are going through this.  It happened to my cousin but thankfully my family is doing really well through it.  I have had my hubby ask me if I really still loved him.  To which I answered of course silly then I realized he was serious.  All I could do was reasure him that he and Logan are my life and I did this so we would angain become a close family.   I needed to do it for me so we could get to this place.  I hope that makes sense.  You are in my thoughts and prayers!!! Anna

I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this.  Statistically they do say it is prevelent after surgery for separations and divorce.  As others have said a lot of times it is because there were problems before and they are more prevelent after surgery.  Other times it could be an insecurity issue because of the changes the spouse who has surgery is going through and the spouse who hasn't is worried that they might not be good enough anymore.  Prayers are coming your way.  Maybe you all could try counseling together.  If he is that unhappy with his life maybe counseling by himself might be an option also.

He said that he won't go to counseling- he doesn't want someone telling him that he's going through a midlife crisis because he thinks it's bull. Personally...I think he's having an affiar with a girl I work with...and if not with her...with someone. I just can't believe this is happening. He throwing his entire life away.

I'm so sorry for this terrible time in your life, but he in fact is not your whole life as you say, you still have your children to think about at this time as I am sure they are going to be very upset and confused by Daddy leaving also. You have to assure them that he is not leaving them, just going to live by himself or they will never get over the desertion feelings. You WILL be okay, you have undergone a lot of changes in your life and now is another major one. One day you will also find that there are more fish in the sea ,and better than cheaters too! Good Luck, Pam

I forgot to thank you all for your prayers. I need them soooo much!!! I'm so lost without him.