Confession: I am not perfect

Okay so I have been struggling with WLS related stuff lately.  I am not perfect & have been making mistakes & it is affecting how I feel physically & mentally.  Time to change it. 1.  I have not been going to the gym like I should be.  Been using lots of excuses & not putting myself first like I should.  Result: I have not had as much energy, unhappy with my body shape, disappointed in myself for not keeping up with what I need to do.  Made it there last night & it felt good, goal is to make it in 3 times a week if not more or do more stuff at home on my own, etc. 2.  I have not been eating right.  Lots of stuff contributing here, a bit of depression maybe, holiday food excuses, laziness, not fighting my temptations, etc.  Result: feeling crappy because of too much junk in my system.  Goal is to work a lot harder on this and go back to some of my basics. 3.  I have not been as good wtih my vitamins & protein.  I am struggling with some of my vitamins for various different reasons.  I am having a hard time adjusting to the new living arrangments & getting myself on a schedule.  I keep forgetting to grab my vitamins in the morning so then I don't have them for the day so I don't take them.  As for my iron, I was still doing chewables & couldn't stomach them anymore, talked with my nut. got a new iron & now just trying to but myself back in the habit.  Now these things don't happen to me every day so I am taking some vitamins but I usually do end up missing something twice a week.  Result: feeling crappy because my body doens't have what it needs.  Goal is to get myself into habit better, will be packing up some extras to keep in my desk at work & in my purse for those incidents where I forget.   4.  I have not been doing well with my water intake.  Water is a hard thing for me & has been since the very begining.  I don't like plain water, I have to use crystal light in order to be able to get it in.  Well in an effort to be money conscious, I bought an off brand of flavor, wrong idea, I am having to force myself to get my water in & it isn't working at all.  Another thing is that I have have a hard time getting it in when I am at home on the weekends or on leave from work.  Result, feeling horrible, had a really nasty evening because of being dehydrated, very naseous, low energy, etc.  Goal work very hard to get my liquids in, trash the nasty flavors & go by my norm. Thanks for letting me fuss at myself & hold myself accountable.  It is very frustrating because I don't like feeling physically bad at all.  The mental feelings are no fun either.  I am definitely struggling with my self image, self worth, self esteem and all that self stuff.  Since my thoughts about my self effect my mood, personality, etc. this is a problem as I am being a bit of a dramatic snot at home.  Thank goodness my hubby loves me and is a patient man.

Hey beautiful! First, THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! I am not alone, you are not alone, WE are not alone. I cannot tell you how much it means to me that you've posted this message this pm. I am there with you on ALL 4 of your statements & am working so hard & am determined beyond anything I knew I had in me to focus & get my life back & I have renewed hope & faith in myself AND you (and others) that we can get through all of this and the kewl part? TOGETHER! I am so blessed to call you FAMILY not just a friend & to know that I can come here & STILL get tips, tricks, learn that am NOT alone & that I have others to support me & turn to like I will continue to support you/them means the world.  1. Exercise - I don't care for gyms but my exercise has NOT been where it should. I KNOW some of it has been based on health stuff which has now (so far) been addressed, surgery is done & I'm released and ITS ON. Officially Sun (this past one) I was allowed to begin full on exercise and not this sissy "you can walk a couple blocks" CRAP. I have made a commitment to myself & God that I WILL walk & walk and exercise 5 days a week. Sun I walked 3 miles, Mon 3 miles & today 3 miles. Am I pushing it? Maybe a little but I know this I am NOT a quiter and I my body is coming alive again and I am feeling accomplished & PROUD.        THANK YOU, I LOVE YOU! 2. Eating - This has been a ROUGH situation for me. Since surgery (almost 7 weeks ago) & my whole anesthesia & meds not liking me but WORKING food has been awful. My ulcer became a MAJOR pain in the butt and so back to taking Protonix. Nothing had been tasting right or smelling right or really even settling right. I was snacking and not eating full meals & honestly some of the things I was eating didn't make sense. Finally, slowly but surely I've been focusing on the important foods & getting in more protein & what a differnce it makes. I have been working on retraining my pouch & its working well. I start with protein & focus on lots of veggies & my snacks are celery & pb, peas, butter beans, yogurt, cheese & other healthier more pouch friendly foods.     THANK YOU, I LOVE YOU! 3. Vitamins & protein - I finally have a regimen down. I have been SO great about these 2 (another commitment I've made to myself & God). I have a 7 day pill box that I fill up EVERY Sunday after I take my vits for the day. I have it sitting on my computer table in front of my monitor so I have NO excuses NOT to take them. As for protein between myself & Angels I am staying stocked up in AchievOnes and have 2-3 per day to ensure I am getting in ample protein. I LOVE them they are wonderful. I am even getting some friends hooked on them.    THANK YOU, I LOVE YOU! 4. Water/fluids - Girl you are definitely NOT alone. I cannot STAND normal water I don't care how thirsty this gal gets! I have found several things that work for me and I love Crystal Light & some knock off versions as well. My usuals are Raspberry Ice, Sunrise Orange & Green Tea with Lemon/Raspberry. Then I LOVE the Walmart version of Cherry Limeade & Target's version of Raspberry Tea. I also enjoy drinking Arizona Diet Green Tea w/ Ginseng (Splenda). I drink no less than 4-6 bottles (17.9 oz.) of these variations a day. I still have my cuppa in the am but the rest of the day its AcheivOnes & water. Its a MUST.       THANK YOU, I LOVE YOU! All of the above are MUSTS & I think of them now & this might sound dramatic but it WORKS for me. IF I do not get in what I am supposed to of ALL of these I WILL DIE. It might not happen fast but it will happen slowly like a wilting plant. I did NOT come this far to DIE. NO, I WANT TO LIVE!!!! I spent the last 2 years fighting like MAD to rid myself of a ridiculous life sucking health issue; KICKED ITS BUTT, fighting like MAD to kick my addiction with alcohol; KICKED ITS BUTT & THEN SOME, fighting like MAD to get myself & health back to where I am happy, proud and FEEL like KAT again; WORK IN PROGRESS BUT DAMN I'm DETERMINED. Kicking & screaming = Kat! There is a LOT in between that is personal but I KICKED BUTT in 2007 & I'm stronger, healthier & I have a fire lit under me & it might be hot, things won't happen over night & I have been down & depressed but I know if I keep working HARD each and every day by trying I can do ANYTHING I put my mind to. Is why I posted the getting over anxiety & depression. I 'feel' like others needed that today as well as much as I need your post this pm.  DID I MENTION I LOVE YOU? DID I MENTION YOU ARE A GEM? Not sucking up stating FACTS!

I love you too!  I am glad that I am not alone and that you (& others) are here with me.  It is hard but I know I am worth the fight.  I need to work on a few things but it wil get there. 

Courtney .  You have taken the first step in getting back on track .. ACCOUNTABILITY ..  So many of us come to WLS thinking that all we need to do is work it ... a little ..  And you know as well as I do .. this is hard stuff ... all the protein .. calories .. water .. all the stuff you mentioned .. has to be thought about daily .. and when we do falter or get slack .. it sometimes takes just what you did here to get us back on track .  I wrote something on another board , I am going to post here . It is dedicated to you .. and to others feeling low self worth and self image . I hope it will help .. I adore you .. I see such great success with you .. and you have just proven again today that  YOU GET IT ~  Take care ,  Natalie

Thanks Natalie.  I am trying and I know it takes work, I let myself slack some but now it is time to settle back on track. 

Girl you are so right and that is coming from someone who has not had surgery and I know that everything you put down protains to me as well. I need to train my stomach to not eat as much and excersie more and start taking my vit and meds like I should. Thank you for putting this out and I am proud of you for it and taking the first step to correct it. I love you for who you are and what you mean to me and others.

Thanks mom.  I knew it was time to be honest with myself & this was the best way for me to do it.  I love you too.

Life sure gets a hold of us, doesn't it?  I find myself, even this early on, struggling some days to just keep up with everything we have to do, from the water, to the supplements, to the exercise...the works! It is wonderful that you are stopping and evaluating what needs to be done and are getting back to it.  I think that for a lot of us, the hardest thing to do is to make time for ourselves...to remember that we are important, too! So keep up the great work!!!  Cindy

Thanks Cindy!  I know I needed the personal wake up & I am glad that others are here & understand what I am going through.

No say it ain't so!!! What a wonderful post, Court.I love the fact that you know what you are doing and how to fix it.  Confession can be good for the soul. We are here to support you any way we can. (((((hugs)))))