Confession: I am not perfect

Thanks Jen!  I need the support so I came to get it.

Well Courtney you beautiful thing Im not going to post any long post here but Im right there beside you and all the rest on this. Ive had alot of stress going on and I totally slipped and backslide during the last few months though Ive not gained Ive not lost either. So I know things have got to change and I wanted you to know as well as the others your not alone Im standing right beside you all. Thanks for the post. Hugss...

Thanks Melinda.  It so helps to know that there are others right beside me and supporting me. 

Wow Great Post. I am so far from perfect too. Glad to see we are all in the same boat. I too have been feeling the holiday blues. Have not felt like doing anything. But I forced my but off the sofa to the gym. Have went one time this week two more to go so 1/3 way there for this week I guess. What helps me is to just take one thing at a time and not to look at the whole picture. Sometimes looking at everything I get so overwelmed it is just easier to do nothing. So I just do one thing and go from there. If Idon't get everything in that day that is ok. There is always tomorrow to get one more step farther.  Have a great night. Gwen

Thanks Gwen.  Words of wisdom that I needed.  I am bad about looking at everything & getting overwhelmed and shutting down.  Gym on plan for tonight so I can get 2/3 of the way there. 

Hey Court - First BIG BIG HUGS!!!! Thank you for being honest with yourself and thank you for having the courage to post it here so others, like myself can learn.  You are an inspiration.  I have tons of Crystal light flavors and some others you can try I can mail you some samples if you want, just PM me with your address.  My new favorite right now is Vitawater Black Cherry (I think that's what it is called) It has Vitamins (obvioiusly) and happy body stuff. It's very tasty.  My mom gave me a box.  Im not kidding when I say I have like 10-12 boxes of Crystal light flavors and tea flavors around the house. Im more than happy to share.... You are a strong woman and you CAN turn this around... XOXO  I think as Tink says... "Just Believe"  Amanda

Thanks Amanda.  I do have flavors I like, just was trying some new things out & it didn't work.  What I need to do is make sure I have my favs as back up as I try the new ones.  My favs are just getting a little bit boring and I need to add more variety.  Will PM you my address so that I can take advantage of your offer.

My goodness!  You go ladies!!!!  Today must be Official Confessions Day or something cuz I've been doing it too...lol.  Here goes.... Exercise:  Non-existent unless you count going up & down the stairs for bathroom visits.  As soon as I'm over this flu crap, I have a challenge for everybody that I will post in a seperate thread.  I have NOT made the call the my cardio doc for that letter to get me out of my Curves contract.  I have NOT signed up for a cardio workout at the hospital.  Plan:  get off my lazy butt, pick up the phone, make the calls....MAKE IT HAPPEN!!! Food:  My biggest problem is lack of knowledge.  I have no real idea of how many calories to consume, how much fat, how many carbs, how much protein.  Plan:  I have gone to the main OH forum where there are LOTS of banders with great advice & wisdom.  Don't worry...I'm not abandoning ya'll just because most of you are bp people...my heart still belongs here.  But I've gotten some good information that I needed.  So today I measured portions, read labels, calculated everything using FitDay (neat tool).  I managed to consume 869 calories.  The jury's still out on whether or not I made the right choices, but at least I'm asking, learning & DOING. Meds/vitamins:  Man have I been a slacker here!!  Haven't even been taking my heart meds or diabetes meds, so I've really been bad.  (how much can I blame on the flu?  just curious.)  Plan:  Do the same thing Kat's doing...use my freaking med box!  I mean, how difficult can it be?? Water:  Shooooot....non-existent today.  My fluid intake consisted of 2 cans of diet Mountain Dew & one 12-oz glass of 1% milk.  Pretty darned pathetic, I'd say.  Plan:  DRINK, DRINK, DRINK the stinking water.  Even though I take a diuretic everyday (that's a MUST), I should still be drinking water if for no other reason than for that.

Self Worth/Self Esteem:  Ok, this was like an epiphany for me today.  I have discovered that I have been suffering from grief depression.  Ever since I got back from Ca, I've not been myself.  I realized that I was pulling away from everyone & everything & just feeling blahhh.  That's just not me, & I'm sure most of you noticed it too.  It showed in my appearance (haven't put on a single smudge of make-up for at least a week!), my surroundings (my house ain't a hospital, but not usually THIS messy), I was eating really bad stuff like chips & dip (a BUNCH OF IT at one sitting).  Of course that was before I got this flu.  And all those old guilt feelings would creep up on me afterwards which made me feel even worse so I would feed the depression again.  Still managed to not gain weight back, but certainly not seeing the scale go down either.   Plan:  Now that I've identified what the problem is, I just need to accept that I am at that age where I am going to start having to say good bye to loved ones.  Parents & friends are aging or have illnesses...death is  part of life.  But I can't allow it to stop me in my tracks.  Besides, that's not what they would want me to do.  If Amy were still here, she'd kick my butt for this.  So would Auntie.  Now Bob...he'd just tell me an Irish joke & make me laugh.  Instead of missing them so much, I need to honor their memory & get on with my life & live it to the fullest, just as they did.  They each left behind wonderful memories, love, wisdom, & inspiration.  To do less would be to dishonor their memory.   Soooo, that's MY confessions.  Who's next?  As for all ya'll, I'm here...I'm back...I ain't goin' anywhere without ya!!!  I love you all!!! Truly!

I love you!!!!!!  Thanks for taking the ride with me here on the lazy, mistake trail.  We can do this. As your situation is a bit different with the grief thing I want to tell you again, my sympathies for your loss.  Auntie will always be with you in spirit, take a chunk of her zest for life & go with it.

I am SO glad that you posted this.

One - you have been one of MY heros and sources for inspiration.  I would read your posts and think "I want to be like her".  It was you excitement that got me to try running.  When I felt like I was doing it all wrong, you were there to reassure that not only was I not alone, but not wrong, either. And Second - there are SO many people out there in the same positio, or afraid of being in the same position and consider themselves to be failures - which just compounds our feelings and desire to stuff our feelings with food in quiet.  Judging ourselves....... We have our tools, we know how to use our tools, and recognize the importance of using our tools.  But...how do we get it back on track?  To start with, recognizing that there is in fact a problem AND a desire to resolve it.  You've done that.  Next...become accountable...you've done that.  So what's next? Go back to basics.  It's hard - I know....I'm struggling with the mindless grazing - which started when my Nutritionist told me I had to eat more if I was going to run as much as I do (I burn approx 400 cal per day between running/ellipticle and weights - 5 times a week).  Eat more!!! OMG!  It became a license to graze.   Anyways........... You are NOT alone in this.  By no means.  And you are at a point in your journey where this seems to be the norm....the excitement has worn off....the newness of the weightloss has worn off.....things just seem to be ho-hum and the WOW moments are gone.  We've just got to get that excitement back.......find new WOW moments....... So...let's take it one day at a time...... Right now, I'm reading a really good book - The Success Habits of Weight Loss Surgery Patients by Colleen Cook.  She is a really good writer, adn the book is pretty good.  It has a lot regarding accountability and things that make you do ah-ha!  Lots of tips, etc.  Check into it.  It might re-energize you. I'm also reading Skinny ***** - it's really in your face about alot of nutritional things.  They hold no punches and do not beat around the bush.  Some of what's in the book I can agree with, some...well..... And also reading YOU On A Diet (Yes...I am one of those who can read many things at once and recall what I read - haha).  I swore that I would never buy another diet book, but found this one to be are very interesting as they explain how the body works and the why's behind it.  It is more scientific in nature, but written in a generalized way.   Also, my son is doing Weigh****chers right now to lose about 25 pounds, so I find myself looking at his program materials - which has reenergized me to going back to writing everything down (being accountable) no matter HOW bad the day was. These are just some ideas that I am doing right now.  Call it obsessed, but I would prefer to be obsessed at 132 than to be not obsessed at 265. There is also the 5-day pouch diet that might be helpful in getting you back on track and ref-ocused. I'm here for you!