How to Succeed Without Support

Achieve Your Goals Even Without Friends & Family On Board

-- By Liz Noelcke, Staff Writer

You wake up to your husband preparing a platter of fruit and a slice of whole wheat toast for breakfast. Your wife always has a healthy dinner—lean protein and fresh veggies—ready at 6 o’clock. Your co-workers have teamed up to start a healthy lunch club. You have countless friends ready to workout at a moment’s notice. A personal trainer is programmed into the speed dial on your cell phone. Encouragement abounds. This is a healthy living utopia. If you find support is a little bit harder to come by, you’re pretty normal. However, lacking spousal and friendly support can become quite detrimental to your diet plans—if you let it. A good support system is a vital element to reaching your goals. So what can you do to ensure that you are surrounded by social support? Start with your partner. Sit him down and explain the importance of your new goals; encourage her to join you on your healthy journey. If you are lucky, your favorite person will jump on board to support you, not to police your actions and make you feel bad if you slip up. Rather, your partner should share in the excitement of your progress and encourage you when the going gets tough. If, however, your spouse and family complain about the new healthy meals you are eating and scoff at the idea of a walk after dinner, you might be on your own. In this case, you’ll have to lead by example. When your family sees how much progress you are making, they will be inspired. Don’t let an unsupportive spouse sabotage your dieting goals. Just because he or she wants double portions at dinner doesn’t mean that you have to give in… you just might have to look elsewhere for support. Friends make a great support system. Consider discussing your goals, needs, and plans with a close friend. An encouraging buddy may set up a workout schedule with you and pass on that fatty dessert after dinner. If none of your friends are helping you strive towards your goals, try meeting them for a walk at a local park a few times each week. Encourage them to attend and show up yourself every time. Even if just one friend comes, you’ll have a workout buddy that will make things easier—even if just for one day. Hopefully, they’ll see your progress and want to be involved. Once the word gets out that you are staying consistent with your workouts, going to the park no matter what, they’ll come around. Another way to get support from friends is to start hosting healthy dinner parties, where everyone brings vegetables, fruits, or lean proteins, or simply share healthy recipes with one another. What happens if neither your partner nor your friends are supportive of your goals? You shouldn’t give up! Consider going to weekly classes at your gym. Often, the same people come every week, so you’ll be able to make friends who will hold you accountable for attending class too. Having classes scheduled at specific times will motivate you more to get to the gym than if you just want to hop on the treadmill sometime during the week. Ask some people in the class if they want to go lift weights once the class is over, or even meet up the next day for another workout.

• Check out support groups in your area. There are often groups of both men and women who meet on a weekly basis to discuss their progress, roadblocks, and tips for success. In this context, you’ll also be able to give support to others, which helps you feel needed and important. You’ll be able to build relationships that branch outside of the support meetings—a healthy dinner club or Sunday afternoon tennis group might emerge!
• Support yourself by keeping a journal. Whether you write down your thoughts and progress on a weekly or daily basis, you’ll have a visual just how far you’ve come. You can look back to past entries where you’ve seen success and use it as motivation for a tough week. Of course, some weeks will be good and some weeks will be a little bit harder. But by keeping a journal, you’ll be able to see an overall trend of progress. It will help you realize which workouts and food choices worked best for you and which ones didn’t. Record everything from your weight or inches lost to thoughts about how your body feels after a particularly difficult workout. Consistent journaling is a great motivator and will make goals much more attainable.
• Take advantage of SparkPeople! The Message Boards give you access to THOUSANDS of other members and the SparkPeople experts. Others out there have similar goals and experiences as you. Search the SparkPages to find someone to share the journey with. Jump onto one of the Challenge threads for that extra boost to get things rolling with the help of other people. Join a SparkTeam with similar interests, or start your own Community Journal to share your thoughts or ask questions about your program. Everyone on the message boards is there to help (and also to receive the support that you can provide)!

Just because you don’t have the support at home doesn’t mean that you should give up on your goals. The support is there; you just might have to seek it out a little bit more.

Good stuff....having a support group is key...... I think that is why this board is SO important.  Not everyone has the ability to attend a support group meeting and this place allows you to obtain much needed information, support and accountability that you would normally get. It's been a great place of inspiration for me and I hope so for others. And for me...I was VERY lucky, as my family has been VERY supportive of me during this transition.  I cannot imagine how hard it would be without them. Thanks for posting this, as support is VERY important while on this journey.....

Thanks for posting this, Nat.  There ARE a lot of folks here that don't get a huge amount of support.  Or there's the other extreme...too much.  I have a friend who thinks she's helping when she brow beats me to walk when I don't feel up to it, or she raises an eyebrow at what I may be eating in front of her, judging.  It hurts & angers me when she does that, & I've set limits with her as best I can.  The rest of the time I just ignore her & do what I KNOW to be right. Some friends & family forget that besides the obesity, we most likely have OTHER conditions that we have to deal with in a certain way & that it's a constant juggling act to meld them all together & do what needs to be done for each.  For me, even though I've lost 40+ lbs, I still have a weak heart & am tired often.  I have my good days & I have my bad days.  The trick is to not judge because likely as not you don't know the WHOLE STORY.  The only reason I put up with this friend is because I know that her intentions are pure...her methods, however, suck!!  But then that's just her way.  I am the only one that I have to answer to & I can choose to allow her to bug me no end or just put it aside & do what I know to be right.

I too have had people in my life like that . And I like you take then as they come and set my limits . As the patient or the one going through it , you are the one that truly knows your limitations and your abilities . You know your body better than anyone .  Boy do I have good and bad days .. Most good . .but it is when I have the bad days that I remember all to well where I have been .  I feel that you have done very well considering all you have been through physically . Just remember to give yourself credit for your accomplishments daily . No matter how small you think they are .. or how awesome .. pat yourself ... cuz sometimes people do not notice .. and the inner YOU .. needs that self boost .  Take care ..  Nat

Oh believe me, Nat, I take my own bows.  Felt a little weird at first, but doggone it, I'M the one that's making the numbers on that scale go down, not anybody else.  I'M the one that has to learn about this tool & make it work...it doesn't work all by itself.  So, yes, I DO recognize my accomplishments, big & small.  I am so proud of my 40 lb loss.  It may not have been as fast coming off as you bp folks, but then that's why I chose lapband (not trying to compare the two...just personal preference).  And I thank you for your kind words & your constant encouragement.  I thank everybody here for being my Ohana, for reaching out to me, for overlooking my bull-in-the-china shop personality, for accepting me as I am, with all my flaws.  You all ARE my support group because I just can't make that pilgrimage to Fair Oaks.  I know that I can come here anytime of the day or night & reach out & know that you all understand.