DR.PHILL'S SHOW TODAY - COMING CLEAN

If anyone watched the Dr. Phill show today , you seen a young woman who suffered from Bulimia and Anorexia. This young woman went from a healthy weight of around 140 to a mere 60 pounds. While watching her, I seen myself about 6 years ago . As I too was bulimic . I would eat and eat and eat , while counting the minutes until I could vomit to rid myself of what was inside of me .

 

I heard some key words she used , such as not good enough, always to blame, my fault , her punishment . These too where the words I heard constantly . From who . My father . I would always here how being fat was my fault, that if I were good enough , I would not be so fat . Why are you so fat ? If you where just not so fat you would be beautiful . If you were not so fat you would look just like your mother . Hearing these words would set me into a tail spin of abusing my body .

 

Some nights I would eat as many as 5 sandwiches , an entire bag of chips , a 2 liter of soda . I would  feel Oh so satisfied .  Food was my comfort . I spent days where I would hide food so I could go back later to eat it all . I could not wait to rid myself of the guilt . I remember days and nights of throwing up so much that I bled from inside . Did I lose the weight?. Sometimes I would . Sometimes I gained . But food was always my comfort.

 

So , how did I manage to get weight loss surgery and not turn back into that same person. My Dad died, and when he died so did the lies and the anger. My father was both mentally and physically abusive to me .  While I spent my life trying to please him. It was at his death that I seen myself lying there in that casket . And a light bulb went off . I like to say my Angels spoke to me and said “ This is you, if you do not stop it “ You Are good enough, You are beautiful and you do matter . From that day forward , the very day we lay my Dad to rest . The binging and purging stopped .

 

I was lucky. I was able to tell those voices in my head to shut up , and the real Natalie spoke up and took back my body . Thank God for weight loss surgery . I would have never made it without it . Most of you know my story . I have lost 200 pounds without any major complications. This is why I work so hard to support others and give you the encouragement to see how truly worth it you are . I do so wish I had gotten help earlier, but here I am . I am alive and a survivor of Obesity and all that it encompasses .

 

If any of you are suffering or know someone that is suffering from this terrible disease Bulimia or Anorexia , get them help . Let them know you care . And tell them to stop listening to the lies.

 

Natalie  http://www.aplaceofhope.com/

 

Thanks Natalie,

                             I missed the show but I think what is really heart wrenching is what you went through with your father. I went through some of the same stuff emotionally as well. Thank you for sharing your story. I heard someone say once that anyone more than 50lbs overweight had a reason for it. There was an underlying cause, be it physical or emotional. You hit the nail on the head with your story and I pray that if and when we all get to our goals,we never forget what we went through and we are more tolerant of others. What do they say, be a little nicer than required because everyone is fighting their own struggles. Thanks again Natalie for sharing your story with us. You are right......you are good enough and so much more! Crystal

Thanks Crystal , I have wanted to tell this part of my life . While many look at me and think that things are so cushy .. well I am here to tell you , I fight those terrible demons still today .  While I loved my Dad , I do not miss his terrible words and his hand .  We all have our own struggles daily , it is how we choose to deal with them .  Thank you again for coming into my life . I know there are good things on the horizon for the both of us .  Thanks again for you kind words in the PM .. they mean SOOO much to me .  Much love and respect,  Tink

Tink, You are awesome, girl. God bless you. Joe

Sometimes we accept abuse from the ones we love the most. It is so freeing when we can let go of the trauma.  I didn't wastch all the show. I just caught the last 15 minutes.  Tink, I could have not written this any better. While I don't work quite as hard as you do, I believe everyone is worthy of support and encouragement in life. "This is why I work so hard to support others and give you the encouragement to see how truly worth it you are . I do so wish I had gotten help earlier, but here I am . I am alive and a survivor of Obesity and all that it encompasses ".

 much love and gratitude,

Thanks for sharing your story. Although I have not walked in your shoes, I can relate to parts of it and I'm glad that you have overcome. Thanks, Penny

I think you hit on a great point that few people get about people like us. It is often something abusive that leads us into who we are. I was just like you. I would go out of my way to be able to eat more. I would stop and get burgers for the ride home from work. I would make dinner and cook way too much so that I could eat leftovers once everyone went to bed. My abuse was a mother who I always tried to not become. My mother was super-morbidly obese. When she died she weighed at least 600 lbs. When my sister and I were kids we had to take care of her. I can remember being 9 years old and having to cook dinner for her and my sister. I started doing the laundry around then too. The house was always a wreck and there would be waste from her dogs (which she kept in cages in her room everywhere). She was manipulative and spiteful and would try to control every part of our lives. I remember she wouldn't let us go outside and play. So I ended up fat like her. I did everything I could to avoid being like her (except that I was huge too). But I always justified it by being an active fat guy. I had a successful job. I traveled. I coached my son's soccer team. But I also kept gaining weight to hide the pain. It wasn't until she died that I was able to get the courage to get out of this nightmare. Thank you for sharing your story. It touched me.

And BIG HUGS to you also for overcoming the challenges your mom put on you and your family.  You are a nothing but a HUGE success!!  (excuse the pun) I'm just sorry that your mother did not have a chance to see all that you have accomplished since surgery.  Keep up the good work, for YOU, your son and your wife.  Your future will be long with them in your new health!

Sweet Pookie,   Most people would never imagine the things that many of us have been through.  It is how we choose to DEAL with these unpleasantries of life that defines us as people.  Thank the Lord that you chose to help others and yourself rather than wallow in self-pity.  I love you.

Thank you to all that have posted .. your words have ENCOURAGED ME . While we tend sometimes to forget that there is a human being behind this keyboard .. we exsist .  I am forever grateful for you all .. Thanks for letting me tell my story with out shame . It is what has made me who I am today ..  Now through My tears .. I go to bed .. Thanking God that it is truly over ... and I have my WLS FAMILY HERE ..  NIght !  Tink