Tired, confused & just plain blah!

My pre-op is in 11 days and my surgery is in 33.  This is something that I have planned, waited and wanted for for almost 5 yrs.  I should be happy that it is finally going to happen and that soon after I will start losing weight,  probably won't need any of my 30 pills or 4 shots a day.  But I'm not.  Since I received my date, 3 weeks ago, I have been nothing but sick.  It was double pneumonia then the hospital for 5 days and now, the cold, runny nose, sore throat is back.   The steroids that they have me on are making me want to eat EVERYTHING that is not nailed down. I am honestly trying my best to make the right choices of healthy snacks if I find that I can not resist the urge to eat.  But having the desire to eat all this stuff, when I've never really been an over eater before, is truly a bit frightening.  With my liquid pre-op diet starting soon, I am worried that the steroids will over power me, lol.  Since I have been home from the hospital, I have worked really hard to make sure my sugars stay fairly decent considering the steroids and the fact that they were 500-600 in the hospitals.  I know the importance of a good A1-C for healing after surgery.   As the days get closer, the more nervous I get.  I've done the whole "talked to God" and thought about arrangements for Cameron, just to make me more settled but now I am starting to question, not my choice to do this but my ability to do this.  I find myself thinking, at no particular time, about the liquid diet before, the protein and horrible stories of its taste and even the surgery itself.  I have spent more time in a hospital then most.  In 2005, I was admitted for a total of 281 days.  I've gone through a c-section and having part of my lung removed and never really thought twice but as this WLS day comes closer, I find myself not being as strong as I anticipated myself being.  And then there is Cameron.  I worry so much about him, both good and bad and who will be there for him if something happens during the surgery or if after the surgery things aren't so easy, who's going to be there for him to finish up the 2nd grade. I have no doubts or questions that this is what I want and what I have to have.  That's not the problem.  When I think about my life, my son's life after this surgery, I know in my heart that I am making the right choice.  I guess I just wonder how much worrying, questioning and thinking is normal.  How many go through it and what do they worry, question and think.  Maybe the 1 thing I was not so aware of was the emotional aspect of this.  Seems like my head is going 1000 mph and in 3 different directions.   I suppose that if I could be unsick for at least a few day then maybe I wouldn't feel so threatened or scared.  I hope I didn't bore any of ya'll with my whining.  But if I did, just think.  In 33 days, my surgery will be over and I will have totally new things to whine about.

((((HUGS)))) Thanks for sharing your thoughts & struggles with us. You've been through a tremendous amount of turmoil and dealing with the steroids right now is not a great thing. I know that first hand. Just them alone makes you gain weight adding to it the wanting to eat cannot be easy. Hopefully you will start feeling better and better and this will be a distant memory. Your thoughts are normal. To be concerned about your child and his future and yours is what almost all of us (I would think everyone) has dealt with in our journeys. Everyone is different with regard to their journeys and the stories and such are merely to educate and give you ideas of things that COULD happen but might not happen. Its best to arm yourself with knowledge and understanding so that you are prepared as best you can be. The emotion aspects are trying and scary but that is what support and encrouragement can do to help. Know that you are not alone and that we are here for you. Your mind going in different directions is completely normal. My thoughts & prayers are with you to get well and PLEASE know you are NOT whining but venting and you've come to the RIGHT place!

Kat... You are so sweet and compassionate.  You are right.  The steroids are playing emotional games with me right now and sometimes I think they are winning.  Thank you for allowing me to vent and for being there to listen and to try to console. Hugs, Theresa

I was so scared till like the week before my surgery!  Who would take care of my 4 girls if something happened?  Well my husband of course but who would help him out?  I breezed through the surgery.  I would do it all again every though I have not had the results I wanted!  It is scary but worth it. 

The anxiety & worry you are experiencing are so normal.  To be sick & on meds on top of the pre surgery jitters must suck.  Your life & your sons life will be better after surgery as you start to lose the weight & can enjoy so much more of life.  Keep praying, keep talking out your feelings, try to focus on the positives & remember we are here for you.

Glad to know that something I am feeling is for once "normal".  Of course, it is my luck to be sick when I need to be the healthiest I can be.  Thanks for being here to listen.  It means alot. Hugs, Theresa

33 Days from now you will walk in to a surgical suite and have a surgery that will forever change your life. It will give you back the health and body you so deserve.  Many have come to the place you are and are here today to atest to it .  I know that you have worry . Gosh I had so many thoughts. I went as far as made videos of myself telling my kids and grandkids goodbye .. just in case.  But on the day of my surgery, I told God that I was his to do with what ever after this surgery and if he blesses me with my awakeness and new chance, my life would and was all his to do with what he may.  I woke up in ICU .. and it has been the joy of each day to thank him .. and to see that all those worries were for none .  I can only ask that you take all your worries and put it into a positive light. To see yourself a year from now healthy . Like you I too was diabetic . My A1C was 14.. My feet had cracked so bad I could not walk . My diabetes nurse was so upset each time she seen me as she knew .. I would not have long if I did not get this surgery.  Slow down and enjoy these days before your surgery.  You are going to do awesome !  Hugs,  Tink

You can relate to the diabetic worries.  God, that is a horrible disease.  I am going to try my best and do what you suggest.  Let God handle me and this from now on.  He obviously knows what he's doing and I am going to put all my negative energy into good and make the most out of the time before surgery with my son, so that after surgery I can focus on getting better and healthier.  Thanks for the advice and support. Hugs, Theresa

The others have expressed, beautifully, the things that I was going to say.  I am so sorry you have been dealing with so much -- not feeling well makes fear and anxiety even worse!  I have to say, I think it is pretty normal to think about the "what ifs" when you are having major surgery of any type.  Speaking from personal experience, I certainly had concerns, but what helped me a lot was to talk about it when I was worried, and to really, really educate myself.  Even now, I read anything I can about the whole process.  I devoured books relating to WLS, and being armed with that information helped eliminate many of the initial fears/concerns I had.   I wish you a speedy recovery -- and feel free to lean on us!  ;)

Thanks for the advice.  I am doing what you suggested.  I am reading as much as I can.  Even going back through alot of old posts on here.  I did find this book that has been such a great help, "Weight loss surgery for dummies".  Although it deals with alot of pre surgery, like deciding if its right, picking a surgeon and that type.  It does cover alot of dealing with the surgery, food stages and post surgery.  I found it extremely beneficial.  Thanks again for the advice and well wishes.  All the support means alot. Hugs, Theresa