Thought For The Day.....
Yesterday's discussion was focused on involving others in your journey to obtain success. But...what if you have tried and tried and they just will not become involved, does that mean that you will fail???? NO...it means that you succeed without them.
To begin with, let's talk about WHY they do not want to become involved. I suspect that there are several reasons (and if anyone has others...let’s get them down so everyone knows and understands):
The Jill's List
1. They are scared of WLS. The media does not portray this surgery as a positive method of weight loss for those who have struggled for years and who literally dieing within themselves. The lack of education certainly does not help matters. There is more information on becoming obese, and using the typical diet program out there, but little on this surgery.
2. Some are afraid of who you might become. They love us the way we are; until we become more independent and confident (weight loss has a tendency to do this to us). Some are afraid that we will become skinny and leave them. (Ya...like I want to train another man. It took me 18 years to get this one some-what on track- ha-ha).
3. It's a lifestyle change and they like their lives just the way they are. Why fix what's not broken? (Obviously they didn't see you hobbling around with all of that excess weight). They don't need to diet, but this change in your lifestyle just may have to include me....that's not fair. I don’t need to diet (yes...I heard that one back in my Weigh****chers days).
4. They may view this as another wasted effort. I mean, how many times have they been down this road with you before? To spend money on gym memberships that were wasted, diet foods that went uneaten and then dealing with the low self-esteem that comes when out attempt fails.
So...how do we succeed with the roadblock of no involvement??? Start with talking to your family and friends. Try to educate them on the surgery, be honest about the complications that could arise AND the successes that come as well. Talk to them about the changes you will be making and how they will help you live longer and have a more satisfied life with them. If this does not help....
Then lead by example. Make the changes without them. It may mean having to cook 2 meals (tip: In the beginning, I would do a lot of grilled foods, veggies and potatoes or brown rice. I buy frozen red potatoes that can be quickly heated in the microwave. I would eat meat and veggies, and they would add the potatoes. Once a week, we would do takeout pizza, I eat the toppings or cook a South Beach pizza or Boca burger, so they are eating healthier most days, but still feel satisfied by the once a week take out meal).
Start your walking program without them. Grab your mp3 player and head out the door. If you have kids, either take them with you (in a wagon if young, or on a bike), or if possible, leave with someone for 30 minutes and take the YOU time to walk and enjoy the fresh air. Show the commitment to your health. For me...after 1 1/2 years of consistent workouts, my hubby started running with me. He hates to run, but felt that this was a great opportunity for us to spend more time together. Even in the winter, we workout together when time allows.
Attend support group meetings, use the VA board or classes at the gym. This will help you with your accountability. By having to be accountable to attend a class, you will be more motivated to attend - then you will meet people with the same interest, opening the door to support. For me, I attend dance class every week. I had not gone all week (gave my body a break) and when I walked in last night was almost knocked over by the hugs of people missing me. WOW! It was a great motivation to make sure that I am there.
Support yourself by writing in a journal. Journaling is a very successful method of developing accountability. We have selective memories when it comes to eating and physical activity, journaling helps us remember how our days really went. Plus it can help us identify patterns or cycles.
Just because you do not have support in your family, does not mean that you cannot be successful....it just means that you will have to be more determined to be successful.
So....if you are one who does not have the involvement you had hoped for, how do you resolve the challenge of lack of support?
And why do you think people are unsupportive to our decision to weight loss surgery and do not want to become involved?
And why do you think people are unsupportive to our decision to weight loss surgery and do not want to become involved?
Certified Personal Trainer
"I'm tough, ambitious, and I know exactly what I want. if that makes me a bitch, okay." - Madonna
Beginning Weight: 265 Current Weight:143
So I run like a Girl....now keep up!
Good am Jill,
Another great topic for the "thought of the day!"
Lack of support:
Although I'm 5 years post-op at this point, there are still folks who are really uneducated about surgery and its benefits. Often times they hear ONLY the negatives which is what tends to happen in the media and mainstream communication avenues.
For example, 2 weeks ago I went to dinner with friends & some fam and I ordered crab cakes, a sweet potato and what I'll call corn, black beans and onions in a bowl (blech btw to that). I ate ONE crab cake, 3 bites of sweet potato and the rest sat there until others asked "Kat are you okay?" "Aren't you going to eat?" (Some didn't know about my surgery as we attended middle school and high school together and we were coming together so 12-15 years LATER).
My sister who understands but tends to break things down quickly said "she had surgery and eats like a squirrel." Go Becca! LOL! I then explained I had WLS surgery 5 years ago, my tool still works and I cannot eat all that food. At first, some freaked out and you could tell it on their faces. I got everything from "couldn't you have dieted more?" "you weren't THAT heavy in school" and more.
I then educated these folks on the REAL deal and many were shocked, surprised, happy and still curious. Mind you these folks aren't as "obese" as I and others were/are however, their choices for eating/drinking were not great and its "their norm." I explained some keys of certain foods, how they break down in our bodies and what they do to our bodies over time and the looks I got were of "wow really tell us more!"
I did and we are now in contact to talk about healthier habits, eating and possible starting a local gathering initially once a month and hopefully more as time/schedules allow. Still there were a couple others that just couldn't come to terms with having their insides rearranged and one even said "I would never do that; messing with what God gave us."
Its a challenge still with family and some friends "oh come on can't you eat just a little bit of ice cream with us?" "you should be far enough out now where you won't get sick!" All classic examples of others not truly coming to understand the cir****tances in which we now live our lives post-op.
Moving on.....
1) Folks are scared because we DO change whether we "think" we have or haven't. Its not just physical its ALL the levels in my opinion. For me, its the 4 levels that matter most: physical, mental, emotion and spiritual. We are afforded the chances to LIVE our lives in ways we couldn't before. We become outspoken, live wires, excited, overjoyed and ready to face new and different challenges and adventures. Many folks ARE afraid of us (proof in my life for sure) and our "newness." But, they shouldn't be. They should be happy, proud, excited that we aren't dying and wasting away but now having a fighting chance to be around a bit longer. (Piggy backing off of you Jill)
2) Folks banish what they DONT understand and what scares them. They find excuses as to why we shouldn't and don't need surgery. They blame us and our choices instead of digging deeper and realizing many of us have marked health issues to contend with that prevents us from living as well as we can/could. Many will say things to cover up their real concerns and questions so we have to remind ourselves that when other react negatively they see issues within themselves they have not addressed.
3) I think that others are unsupportive because what works for THEM does not for others and they feel like they "know" what should be done to "fix" us. "Just go out and borrow money to join a gym, get the latest meds off TV, hire a personal trainer!" I also believe that for many folks they DONT have financial means to do things that others might. So, often times I see/hear/read where folks are buying this and joining that and what have you instead of being more supportive by making suggestions of more affordable options. In today's society many folks struggle to get by. They cannot pay for the latest and greatest surgeries and procedures and such.
I have learned that its not always what we "say" that gets our point across but its our actions and words matching up. Many folks "talk" about what they are doing but the results where are they? For example, one of the gals at dinner a couple weeks ago kept saying "I'm going to start working out 3 days per week this week. Well, that was this past week and I kid you not she had an excuse for EVERY DAY she couldn't get together to do so. The first was "I'm tired and it was a long day at work." The next was "Well, Mark (hubs) wants to go out to dinner." Then lastly it was "My sister wants to go shopping." Each time I reminded her its something she has to commit to even with those things going on in her life. I mentioned including her husband (who works out already) and she said "I don't want to work out with him he'll push me too hard!" WOWOWOW! EXCUSES! EXCUSES! EXCUSES! We're all out of those around here!
Kitty Kat - Lap RNY 29th Jan 03 
Blessed Momma to ♥ Kayla & Nora ♥
Sober since 25th Aug 07 www.the-butterfly-chronicles.blogspot.com
Thankful for the easy, grateful for the hard & hopeful for tomorrow.Most Active
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