Today's Thought......

As a mother, wife, co-worker, sister, daughter and everything else I fit into my life, I often found that Jill was the last on the priority list.  There was just never enough time left for Jill, and it wasn't anyones fauly, but Jill's. Jill was always there for the boys, because Jill had to be - DH is military.  Jill was always there to help Mom - had to be...she's the oldest.  Jill was always there to clean, cook, and shop - had to be...who else could take care of things.  Jill always volunteered for projects at work - no one else was and they needed to be done. However, since having surgery, I decided that Jill was actually much more important than all of these other titles.  Without Jill, none of these titles work.  But...how do I find Jill in all of the layers?   I had to take a step back to figure out what Jill was made up of.  What defined Jill.  I still haven't quite put my finger on it, but I'm getting there.  I allow others to help out.  I don't have to cook dinner every night.  I don't have to do laundry every day - others can help.  I don't have to be the only one to take care of my Mom - I have 2 sisters who can help.  I've decided that I don't live to work, work simply funds my play.  I have to give myself Jill time each day. I know...sounds selfish, doesn't it.  IT IS!  I knew that for this to work, that I would HAVE to be selfish every day. Do you make yourself a priority?  Do you consider youself at least to be equal to your other titles?  How do you make yourself a priority (or equal) every day? What challenges do you encounter and how do they make you feel?

Jill-- This is so true for so many of us. I am of the opinion that so many of us are like this. I think that part of this is our low sense of self-worth. I know it's a chicken or egg thing...is it our low sense of self-worth that causes us to get overweight or is it the weight that stems from the low sense. I imagine it's probably somewhere in between and they feed off each other. I spent so many years in the same cycle. I spent a decade in a really horrible marriage. My ex-wife did nothing around the house, would barely be involved with the kids, and would spend all her time at work (even though she really didn't have that difficult a job). I would bend over backwards to take care my kids and would get them involved in all sorts of after school activities. I had a very demanding job that required a ton of travel, yet I never missed a soccer game or a play at school. I would fly back all night because my ex-wife was overwhelmed with having had the boys to herself for a day. Yet I was in horrible shape. I did nothing for me and I was miserable. I sat around resenting everything and pouring food and food and food down my throat. I have had the same gestalt moment that you describe where I realized  I have to take care of me if I am to be a better father, husband, employee, and person. My ex-wife used to whine if I would take time out to exercise (basically any time where she'd have the kids), so I just stopped going. It was the path of least resistance. Now it's clear to everyone that dad needs and hour a day to work out. It may be before they wake-up; it may be after bedtime; it may be at 7 at night, but it's going to happen. Thanks for this discussion. It's good to know of your experiences.

Good am Jill, GREAT thought for the day! I've thought about this quite frequently in the last week more than I ever have. Its NOT selfish in my opinion. We HAVE to take care of ourselves before we can take care of others.  Do I make myself a priority? In the last several months I've been such a work in progress, tried avoiding rocking the boat, saw some old habits creeping back in, have taken on so much in the way of family and even some friends that I'd forgotten simple things and even started losing sight of me. None of those are good OR acceptable to me ANYMORE.  Do I consider myself equal to my other titles? No, not at this time but I have choices. They are not easy ones (some of them) but I have to make them and give Life my best shot. I have 2 girls who look up to their mom for everything. I have an example to set not just for them but for others as well. Will I falter? Of course. Is everyday perfect? Never. But, I keep getting up everyday and trying and that's important.  How do I make myself a priority everyday? I get up about a 1/2 before the girls (sometimes more) and I get my am started. I grab my cuppa, start my vitamins, grab my breakfast, my shower, post here as my way of keeping myself accountable, I say my prayers, I BREATHE and remind myself that its a "new" day with choices, chances and unknowns. I tell myself I have choices and I might not be in a peachy mood or I might be but in whatever may happen there will surely be things I cannot control in some capacity but I CAN choose how I react to things. I have to make these things happen for myself because no one else will. When my day gets rolling at least I'll have had some time to "be." Some days are rougher than others but again I have choices and I need to take the "me" each day even if its just a 1/2 hour.  What challenges do I encounter? Wow! I'm a double momma to 2 young gals ages 7 and turning 3 Fri! That says a lot right there. Then there is multi-tasking between them, working some, errands, chores, friends, family issues, stress, money etc. Other challenges are being looked to as "the go to person" when things fall apart. Folks know I work "well" under pressure. Also, I've allowed folks to depend/lean on me when really I've needed to let them lean on themselves. So, some of the "challenges" are brought on myself. So, how I am combating them? I'm re-reading Boundaries. Its a book that helps significantly with setting boundaries in every part of our lives to ensure we aren't run over. I'm being serious here its a GREAT book. It has religious themes however its a great help to me personally and I highly suggest it.  In addition, something I've learned is other folks are VERY MUCH like me with more commonality than I imagined. That is why its so important to lean on others even when I'm scared, worried, reluctant. I am who I am and I've made mistakes but I also know I'm not alone. I've been there done that with much and I'm human just like everyone else. I may not get it right all the time (Life) but I sure try.  All best.........

Just wanted to add my vote for the book Boundaries.  I had it checked out from my old church library for so long that I think they wrote it off as lost! (yeah, I know - that was bad.)  It's been a long time, but I remember it being a really excellent book.

The themes can be catered to ANYONE'S life/lifestyle and that is something I really appreciate about the book. There are a few others that I'm looking into as well suggested by friends.