Ok gang...time for the prayer circle...

Anne I can understand your fears - heck anyone would be scared BUT you are not going anywhere so don't even be remotely thinking that way. As Melinda said we need you up and running for May 3rd and for her wedding in September!!  Besides you are way too bad to be going anywhere else ;-))) Seriously though, my love and prayers are going out there and I just know you will be fine!  So shake those worries away and tell your maker it is NOT your time!!! Good luck for tomorrow and we will be waiting to hear from Courtney! Jackie

Anne - sending you a great big hug - sounds like you need it today......Just take a deep breath and TRY to be positive.  While this is an ordeal for you to undergo, it will provide you with many long term benefits. 

You will be in my thoughts and prayers tomorrow!

Ann, your in my thoughts and prayers!  Just wanted you to know.  Everything will be fine!! Anna

Of course extra prayers will go up for you tomorrow.... and I can understand why you're stressed....but, really, I have great faith that you will be just fine.  You wouldn't DARE leave when I'm just getting to know you, now would you? Nope, I didn't think so.  So, see? You'll be fine :)  Best of luck - we'll be looking for the report!! Sarah

Ok woman hold on here You know that you are going to be ok. You are needed and wanted here and I expect to see you on May 3. Just talk to God and let him handle things. Like he say ask and yea shall recieve and seek and you will fine so get to asking sweetie. I Love you and want you here so lets start getting everything done and see you on the 3th.

Gosh...ya'll are so amazing.  Thank you for acknowledging, validating, & understanding my angst over this surgery.  Just so's you know, I've never been fearful before.  It's just that my poor little heart is so weakened now.   When I got the results of my last echo a few weeks ago, that really threw me for a loop.  I wasn't expecting to be told that there had been a 5% drop in just 8 months.  I'm still unclear as to what kind of numbers I need to be showing before I truly need a transplant.  All Dr. Farra said when I spoke to him on the phone was that he wasn't worried because I show no signs of congestive heart failure.  Well, yeah...that's why I take lasix & try to keep my salt intake down.  But still, only 20% function when a normal level is around 68 to 70%?  Something's gotta give somewhere, right?  This 20% thing is creating all sorts of trickle-down effects too.  I'm feeling more & more tired each day, my eye sight is going down hill, my memory sucks at best.  Getting this new device is NOT going to improve anything.  It's only job is to send an electrical shock if I go into cardiac arrest or if I maintain an elevated rythm known as V-tach.  It does not change the fact that my heart is dying on a daily basis & there's not a freaking thing I can do to stop it, nor did I do anything to cause it.  I contracted it by a virus.  It's just plain dumb luck & the fact that I've always been very intune to my body & recognize when something isn't right that it was even diagnosed as early as it was.  Most times it isn't found until an autopsy is being performed for some other ailment & the ME would say something like, "Oh look...this patient had cardiomyopathy."  This is not a common heart disease.  Shoot!  If I HAD to have a heart ailment, I would have picked something that can be fixed much more easily, like coronary artery disease or something.  So, as I hope you all can realize along with me, I am not feeling hystrionic or over-sensitive, & I'm not saying that any of you have made me feel that way.  Quite the contrary...ya'll have made me feel very loved & very wanted, & in my brain I'm sure you're right...I'll be ok.  But common sense must dictate to reality & the reality is that I could very easily NOT come out of this surgery.  I have an awful lot of cards stacked against me at the moment so THAT is why I'm upset.  Because as all of you have concurred WITH me, I'm just not done here yet.  And I've been living with that for many years now.  Most times I just laugh it off, pu**** to the back of my mind, & move on with my life.  I've made the necessary adjustments, as they come up, but still with the intention that I am going to keep on doing what I do as best I can.  I push the limits often & sometimes I've had to pay for that, but this thing tomorrow...this is different.  The cir****tances have changed.  I truly am not fishing for compliments nor am I trying to be the center of attention.  I just have so many special people in my life & if these next few hours really are gonna turn out to be my final ones, I don't want anyone I love or care about to think of me later & wonder if I loved or cared about them.  THAT is why I have spoken up here with ya'll.  Because you DO mean so much to me.  Because you have become extended family for me.  I want you all to know just how precious each of you are, how much I admire your courage to have endured the slings & arrows of obesity & the fight that you each have taken on to overcome the adversity.  I want to thank you for your wisdom, your example, your jokes & your tears & for trusting me enough to share such an intimate & oftentimes heartbreaking situation.  If I can only leave one legacy behind it would be to not waste a single moment of the time you have on earth.  Love unconditionally with as little judgement as is possible.  Kindness will eventually begett kindness.  Live each day as if it were your last, & don't forget to tell your loved ones that you DO love them.  Don't just assume they know already...actually SAY the words. Ok, now I'm bawlin' my eyes out here & I hate to cry.  I guess I just need to move my brain into the thought pattern of if I'm meant to be here after tomorrow, then I will be.  It's not like I can stop what is supposed to be, right?  Thy will, be done.  Why do I get the feeling that when that time does come, I'm gonna be spendin' a BUNCH of time in Purgatory...LOL!  Let me end this by saying...THANK YOU FOR BEING MY FRIEND.  I LOVE YOU.

Hi Ann you are in my prayers and thoughts too. Only good thoughts. I know what you mean about extended family. This site has been my extended family. We are all in the same boat. We know how you are feeling since we have been there are in one way or another. Keep that chin up and think happy thoughts. Hugs to ya, Gwen

Ann, I can & do relate to everything you are experiencing & feeling regarding your heart.  At 32 yrs old, I was diagnosed with moderate Mitral Valve Regurgitation & due to this, I was also diagnosed with Congestive Heartr Failure.  Horrified and terrified, I researched it, which made those bad feelings even worse.  My heart, much like yours, is dying every day.  The extra weight I tote around is making the valve leak more, which is only making the heart failure worse.  If I don't get the weight off soon, the leak will progress and I will have to have open heart surgery to either repair or replace the valve and my cardiologist and pulmonologist are not sure that I could handle that with my lung problems, my diabetes and that weight.  I had stress tests done in 2004.  The doctor saw what he thought was 3 blockages so he scheduled the catherization.  When he went in, he didn't find the blockages but moderate to severe muscle damage.  Heart muscle is not fixable.  Once it's damaged, it can not be repaired.  My ejection fraction, the # used to determine severity of CHF is 37.  Normal is 50-75.  I take 4 different types of heart medications and 240 mg of lasics a day.  Alot of my time is spent in the potty, lol.  I worry every day about my heart.  Especially when I back up with fluid and can hear the wheezing in my chest that I have nicknamed the "death rattle".   I long for the days when walking to the bathroom from the living room or even changing clothes doesn't exhaust me.  So rest assured hun, you are not in this alone.  So many people admire and love you and some can even relate personally.  If you ever wanna chat, just pm  me.  Prayers are with you hun! Hugs, Theresa

Ann- You are such a sweet soul....we love you back. Prayers for your health and heart....May God truly calm you and give you peace at just the right moment.  Love, C

I LOVE LOVE LOVE YOU! I keep coming back to read this again and again.