Some thoughts for all the newbies & pre ops

Okay after some discussion at my support group the other night & Kat's wonderful thought of the day,  I wanted to discuss some of my early strategies & experiences with some of you who are new out of surgery or getting ready for surgery soon.  These are some things that don't always get mentioned. I did all my research & was a member on the board & ready for surgery.  Then freaked out the last few days before surgery.  Mainly because of being afraid of so many changes & of failing.  If I hadn't been more afraid of people calling me chicken, I probably would have changed my mind at the last minute.  Then after coming home from the hospital, I still went through a tough time.  My emotions were haywire, I was so down and just miserable.  I would just sit & cry at home about how miserable I thought my life was.  I felt so horrible because I didn't feel normal.  I had to schedule my day around my drinking, eating, vitamins, etc.  I couldn't just pick up & go.  When I did eat, I had to special prepare my pureed foods & eat so slowly, when I was with other people, they were done way before me & had to sit & wait on me.  It was just so frustrating.  I couldn't lift anything, so I couldn't take out my own trash, get my own groceries, hold ny nieces & nephews.  I had to figure out how to make things better. My first step, I called my stepmom, who has also had surgery (several years before me) and talked to her about my surgery related feelings.  She explained to me about how the crazy emotions were so normal.  Hormones levels are higher, mood is affected by anesthia, your body has been through trama, etc.  Her advice was to focus on the positives.  Yes I was unhappy with my life, but I started making decisions & changes to make it better & just needed to be patient.  While talking to her I mentioned feeling so miserable because of feeling different and why did no one ever mention those feelings, her response, because once you move into regular foods, start losing weight & feeling better, those feelings fade.  Also connecting more with people here on the board and realizing there were lots more people out there just like me, with the same issues, was such a major help. Next step, realizing that the changes were necessary.  I figured out how to schedule my day.  Packed things to go if need be.  Started engaging my family in specific conversations at the dinner table so that they would be talking thus eating slower & paced more towards me.  It worked so well they didn't even realize what was going on.  Next step, relying on friends & family to help me out.  I was single then & lived by myself.  I was able to get some friends to stop by every other day & help me with things I couldn't do.  Friends or family would go with me to the grocery store in order to help me out.  This was hard for me because I am very indepent.  One friend reminded me that I do a lot to help others and now was giving them a chance to help me. As for those nieces & nephews, I didn't want to have to cut my fun times with them.  So again I had to make some changes.  I showed them all the binder around my belly, told them it was a big bandaid because I had a big boo boo.  Because of my boo boo, I couldn't hold them.  So when they wanted to be held, or such, I reminded them of my big boo boo and asked if we could hold hands instead.  That way I was able to still connect with them, didn't have to push them away.  Now that I have more energy and can run around and chase them all, it is so amazing and such a blessing. So I am not really sure why I needed to go through all of this today but I did.  I know there are quite a few of you just out of surgery or getting ready for surgery.  Please remember that there are so many of us here that have been where you are.  No matter how silly what you are thinking or feeling may seem, I bet one of us has thought or felt the same.  We are here for you!!!!

I am SO grateful/thankful to you for sharing this with me/us. I cannot tell you how much it means we are great connections to and for one another. I hope others read this and really and truly read it again and even again and really take your message in . I'm 5 years post-op and frankly don't know many folks this far out. Most are 2, 3 and 4 years and I feel like there are times when I am missing the boat with regards to how I've progressed. But, then I come here, read, learn, post, reply and try to give my best to everyone and remind myself that I too have come along a tremendous amount and I sometimes sell myself short of it all. I still have times when I cannot believe all that has happened and still other times when I am like WHOA! Courtney, I love you and thank you for EVERYTHING.

You have come far & deserve to be very proud of yourself.  Love you!!!!!!

Thank you for posting, I am still deciding, but I want to know ALL of it, the ups and downs. Thank you again!

Take all the time you need.  I researched for almost a year before I was ready to do my surgery.  I lurked on the boards for a long time just reading people's stories and seeing how their journey's went.  I suggest doing the same so you can make the best decision for yourself.  We are here is you have questions.

Thanks Courtney, That is so helpful to know how you really felt soon after surgey. I was wondering if what sometimes is posted is more the long term feelings. I have to say I am scared! What if me having this surgery kills me and I leave my little one and Husband behind. I have to keep telling my self if I keep living with my weight@ 400lbs I will most likley die anyway. I would rather (God forbid) die trying to make my life better than just sitting by watching it fade away. Thanks for sharing your true fears and feelings. Lanette

I had never had any surgery before this & was scared also.  Being scared is normal.   I think by looking at it the way you are, trying to make your life better.  You are thinking positively.  I had always been told that the risk of surgery itself is relatively small.  We are here for you Lanette.

OOOOOOOOOOOOO BOY was I frightened! I truly was a ball of nerves. But funny MYSTERISOUSLY enough I was ALOT calmer the day of than I thought I would be. I have had a few surgery's before but it's scary all the same ESP when you have 2 lil boy's at home that need you to pull through! I took a few minutes and decided to write them SMALL CHEERFUL notes about how wonderful they are. About how much I loved them and was proud of them, I shared a moment from there baby day's that made me smile and I told them that there was never anyhting that they could do that would ever make me love them less. Once I had that letter written and my tear's stopped falling I put them away and put one foot infront of the other and made it through and didnt need those notes...but I put them in their baby book's instead :) The pain was SOOOOOOOOOO minimal from what I expected it to be. The day's in the hospital are kinda blurry from the drug's and the recovery period WHIPPED right on passed me. Everything goes through something different and Im not saying that your EXP will be the same as mine, or worse or better but it is possible that the nerves arent needed and the best way to get through is just sheer determintation! I cried and cried with my husband in the OR waiting room, the rest of my family gave me the tearful goodbye's, or see ya soon's before we went in there but....I woke up...and the day's have all been brighter since! Good luck to you! Brandi~

Court...you are SO thoughtful! I know I just had my surgery ( 3 weeks ago today ) but I almost feel like it was months ago because those iffy feeling's and feeling's of frustration feel like they were so long ago. As with anything your body and your mind cope...and after a while you dont even remember there being a change .... I have a much brighter future because of my decision to have this surgery and because Im working the program one day at a time and not letting it become overwhelming to me. Im thankful for everyone on this board no matter how many different opinions there are, there is heart and love and caring behind each one and that's all that truly matter's! Jill, Court, Tink,Autumn and MIssy ( and ton's of other's Im sure ) have really been instrumental in helping me through the rough day's and I appreciate you all for it! Brandi~

Brandi, so glad that you are moving right along & feeling great.  3 weeks out already, that is amazing!!!!!!!