I forgot my surgiversary!

I guess it's just become so "normal" for me to eat the way I eat, and exercise and feel so much more healthier, and for the first time in my life (well, since 6th grade!) weigh 110 lbs...... it just wasn't in my mind!  I completely forgot this most important day - the day that changed my life! But my husband and daughter came bearing flowers, a funny card, and singing "Happy Surgiversary".... and I was in total shock!  I COULD NOT believe I had forgotten the big day - last year I  made a BIG deal about it when they forgot!   So here I am, 3 years later...... my high weight having been 280 lbs., and with both MS and Fibromyalgia I have to admit I was borderline suicidal.  I was in so much pain.  I'd be driving down the road and think, "gosh, if I hit that tree going 60 mph would my pain be over?"  Sounds awful, but my quality of life was so poor - not to mention that I have prevalant heart disease and diabetes in my family - I was sure I was going to die anyway, just a slow and painful death. When I was in 6th grade some "wise" educator had us line up, step on a scale, and she'd call out our weight to the other "wise" educator, while all the kids snickered and made fun of those of us who were overweight.  I was short... still am, but for my height, I still remember that 111 lbs. was enough to bring on the painful comments, and I had tears rolling down my face.   On April 1, I weighed myself, and stood staring at the scale with my mouth open as I saw 110.2 lbs......  I was sure there was something wrong with the scale, so I got off, and got back on.  Still 110.2.  I got on a 3rd time.  How could this even be possible?! I cannot begin to explain my gratitude - especially to God who directed me to this path - a path I was steadfastly sure I would never do.  I just KNEW if I worked hard enough at it, I could lose the weight.  I DID work hard at it.  I had been on Weigh****chers for 12 years!  My leaders, my doctors... everyone was at a loss.  I had years of food and exercise journals, and in spite of the few doctors who told me I was not being honest with the food I wrote down, I WAS honest.   As it turned out, I simply needed fewer calories (super low metabolism due to my thyroidism) than the average person to lose weight.  But if I ate too "few" calories, I'd be ravenously hungry, and then I'd eat too much. And if I didn't eat enough calories, I wasn't getting proper nutrition.  It finally came to me when we went on vacation, and for some reason I had around 600 calories a day for about a week.... when we got home I'd miraculously lost 4 lbs!  The most weight I'd lost in several years. Then as I researched my nutritional needs for MS and Fibromyalgia, I kept reading about the need for high amounts of  protein.  In fact, the diet I needed for those autoimmune diseases was almost identical to the WLS diet we are all prescribed.  I still didn't quite get it. Then my husband had a business conference in South Carolina right around the time of my birthday.  I went with him, but hid in the hotel room for fear that if any of his colleagues saw me, they'd judge him adversely for having such a hideous wife.  My husband of course, thought I was beautiful, and wanted to show me off to his co-workers - that is one of the greatest blessings of my life - a husband who loves me no matter what. After the conference, we took a little birthday trip down to Myrtle Beach.  I was miserable.  What was supposed to be fun and happy, made me upset and hate myself.  Everyone on the beach looked slim and happy.  Same at the pool.  We mostly stayed in and played cards! When we got home, I went in my closet (nice, private and quiet place!) fell on my knees and asked God if there was anything I could do, I was so desperate and sobbing.  And then He spoke to me in a way I had never experienced - and I knew that gastric bypass was the answer.  At first I argued with Him - because I knew I could do it - I could lose the weight on my own.... I had so much strength and was fully committed.  But the answer remained the same, and I knew it, and He knew it, and I could feel it burning in my heart. The  next morning I began to research gastric bypass surgery, and got scared to death and immediately changed my mind.  About 24 hrs. later, I had dealt with those emotions, remembered the experience in the closet, and began to research the requirements for surgery and local doctors.  Everything came together.... until my insurance denied me.  I was so depressed I just gave up for a few months.  But then I remembered that prayer, and I knew this was God's will for me. So I called my insurance company and asked them to FAX the requirements for the surgery to me.  Then I made a copy for every single doctor I knew, and attached a letter of my own stating my symptoms and appealed their decision.  Two weeks to the day the papers were mailed in, I was accepted. 21 months later, I repeated the same format so that I could get plastic surgery, and again, two weeks to the day I was approved for both a breast reduction and lift, and abdominoplasty.  Even my PS didn't thnk the abdominoplasty would be approved. So... here I am 3 years later.  I am more grateful than words could ever express for my weight loss, and the tremendous improvement in my health.  It has been such a blessing in my life, in more ways than I can say. What I was NOT prepared for was that there was a reason I had been overweight since I was 8 years old.  Having all the weight stripped away, and the plastic surgery finishing the job, I suddenly felt vulnerable, scared, anxious.  I realize now that the weight truly was a protection. So, now I am 110 lbs. and in therapy!  It's a new stage of recovery that I never imagined or could have predicted.  It has not been easy.  I traded one difficult thing for another.  And in some ways, the emotional part of this is much harder than being overweight.  I now have to face and deal with the pain I had been hiding from for so many years.  I was overweight because I DID NOT want to deal with these things, in some ways could NOT deal with those things - some of which I can't even remember except for little flashes of memories.   WLS is NOT the easy way out - it is a path to the truth.  We must be ready to face the truth, be willing to face our strengths and weaknesses, or we will never be permanently successful with the weight loss.  These are the things I did not know prior to surgery.  Being overweight (at least for me), had absolutely nothing to do with food.  The food was the protector, the thing that numbed my pain, the wall of protection I was building in my heart and mind, one brick at a time. So, I guess what I want to say at the 3-year mark of my WLS, is that I am grateful to God for bringing me to this point.  It still hurts, but in a different way - but He is helping me get through and strengthening me.  He puts people in my life who give me great strength and sometimes even answers.  He has shown me, so poignantly and sweetly, how much He loves me - and that I am a daughter of GOD.  And I have faith that He does not give us more than we can handle, so I keep on keeping on!  And I'd sure as heck rather do it at 110 lbs. than 280! Crystal a.k.a. Debby

Wow!  What a beautiful and truly amazing story.  Reading it, I saw myself and my life in many aspects through your journey, as I am sure so many other WLS patients will.  It touched me and made me realize some of the things that I am sure to probably go through after my surgery in 10 days.  Thank you for being so brave for us future WLS patients, as I am sure, opening up and revealing all that you did was not nor could it be easy.  You, as so many others are truly an inspiration to me and others.  Gives me a little more faith and hope that I too, can and will succeed in my journey to be healthy and thinner!  Again, thanks so much! Hugs, Theresa

Thanks Theresa, I wouldn't give up the WLS for anything, but I felt I needed to share that the work never stops.  It just changes in nature... well, sometimes, food is still a part of it!  If you truly are willing to change your life, and do all you can, you will be successful.  The surgery alone does not fix our problems! I will keep you in my prayers, and wish you all the happiness you deserve, Debby

Sending you big hugs Debby you so deserve that 110 weight and you are beautiful!!! Im glad to see you here. Thanks for sharing and Congrats on the 3 yrs anniv.!!!You have came a long ways and you will get through the rest. So keep keeping on!!! 

Good am Debby, Congratulations on your successes! What a remarkable journey.

Happy Surgerversary!  Thanks for sharing your amazing story with us - i'm so very happy for you! - Lys

Congrats on your success!!!!  What a beautiful story, great that you have a supporting family.

WOW!  You've done awesome!  I am SO happy for you!!! 

Congrats ont he weightloss and for having such a sweet family.  Sounds like your support team is top notch!

Thanks y'all for your nice thoughts and support - I forgot to mention the MOST important thing - I couldn't have made it without all of you!  You guys were the ones answering my questions, reassuring me, cheering me on, complimenting me, etc.  I love you guys! And Melinda - you're new picture is gorgeous - you are the bomb!!!  :-) Debby

Thanks Debby!! Hope you can join us the next time you would have had a great time.....