Happiness Is...

Linda, a client of mine, is a great example of someone who is good at having fun. She is the life of the party wherever she goes. Her laugh is contagious. She clearly likes people and has a giving heart.

But Linda is also a great example of someone who is unhappy in her life. She goes home alone each night feeling empty, despite all the "fun" she's had on any given day. I love Linda. I see so much in her that she herself doesn't see. And when I think of how alone she feels in this world, it breaks my heart.

Like most people, I have had times in my life when I have felt unhappy and alone. When I moved almost two years ago, I experienced those feelings -- and the long process of finding companionship and happiness in my new city has not felt fun at all.

I think Linda and I have been getting something wrong. We have not been looking for happiness so much as we have been looking for fun. And fun is not what we really want.

Here's what I see as the difference between fun and happiness:

Fun is instant gratification.  Happiness is deep satisfaction.

Fun is thin.  Happiness is being comfortable in my own skin, no matter how large or small I am.

Fun is showing off my new body.  Happiness is not having to think about (or obsess about) how my body will please, or displease, others.

Fun is a roller coaster. Happiness is someone to share it with.

Fun is lots of money so I can buy new things.  Happiness is enjoying what I have.

Fun is having lots of people to chat with.  Happiness is having a friend who will sit companionably with me in silence.

Fun is eating what I want.  Happiness is living what I want, loving who I want, and giving what I want.

Fun is sex.  Happiness is being with someone who loves me when I am too sick or too tired or too busy to have it.

Fun is goofing off.  Happiness is achieving a goal and getting to enjoy the results.

Fun is partying with friends.  Happiness is connecting with friends at an emotional level and being accepted for who I am.

Linda is busy sorting out the difference between fun and happiness in her life. By being clear about those two concepts, she is making decisions differently.

When she is making decisions, she now asks herself, "Am I doing this for fun or for happiness?"

There is nothing wrong with having fun, as long as it isn't at the expense of happiness. When Linda identifies an area where she is sacrificing happiness for fun, she is encouraging herself to make different choices.

She isn't perfect about this, but she is noticing a change in how she feels about her life, and she is making progress.

As Toni says, happiness is a process of becoming. And I add, happiness is a choice.

Your assignment:  Spend a few minutes making a "fun vs. happiness" list this week, as those concepts apply to your life. Have you got the two confused?