DEPRESSED ......that's an understatement.

I am soooooo upset ....pissed....mad....angry....sad....cranky & so on & so forth. I'll  try to stick to the facts . I spoke to the Dr office today my appt WAS on Wed @ 0900. Even though i have great insurance & i wk @ the hosp i would have my surgery & Aetna they "pay really great" & they "give you an employee discount". I still cannot pick up my other cost's right now without getting a 2nd mortgage (out of the question). My husband  is currently un-employeed. He will be going to school on the 16th of June for 1 month & will most likely pick up a job fairly quickly ( truck driver training). To add to the mix we went for a biopsy of his prostate today cause his level was not normal. (family history). My father has given a small gift to help with costs till he is employeed again  But........ i feel like i would be cursed if i dipped into it for my surgery costs . TRUST ME I AM TEMPTED . So on the back burner i go once again ....grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. I am tired of being put on the back burner . Do i sound selfish probably so . I WANTED THIS FOR ME ! @#$%^&*!@ . I am  so jealous right now i cannot stand my own self . Do i want to hang around here anyway yes but ....no for what ?. I am  just  really sad... mad....pissed...angry...jealous.... Thank you for listening .

Lee Ann - I am so sorry and to a point understand how you are feeling because when we get the date for surgery we will move heaven and earth to still meet it!! So I know how tempting all of this must feel for you!! But sadly you are having to deal with reality. What does your husband say? He must feel very bad about not working and you not being able to have surgery. But you will not feel good if your surgery gives him cause to panic over finances.  How long a delay are we talking about here? Is there any way the hospital can defer the cost of your surgery for a couple of months?  - will they let you pay by installments afterwards? - there are people who do loans for surgery - Capital One is one of those I think....... would that be an option for hospital costs........ But at the end of the day the delay may only be a few weeks and you could spend this time reading everything you need to know about this surgery so you are very well prepared.... It could be worse - your insurance could have turned you down totally - they haven't  -so defering is an option for you.... I know nothing I say will make this any better but I do feel for you - I swear! Jackie

Thank you & No he is not upset he didn't want me to have it in the  1st place, he said  do whatever I want. He is fit as a fiddle great shape & works out all the time not 1 oz of fat soaking wet . He told me if i wanted dip in the $$$ go ahead. We didn't dip to finance his school & i won't dip for surgery. We barely got a loan for his school let alone another loan for this . I guess i should take this as a sign ...hellllllllll i dont know what to think at this point . I do want his biopsy to be normal i am not upset about that being in my way just a tad . I just have so many emotions going on right now i could just .........just ....... fill in the blank. I am ticked that it all boils down to $$$$ They would let me set up a payment plan for the hosp & surgeon expenses  but........... the out of pocket expenses that the insurance doesn't cover is what will get me . The $50 co pay to the  surgeon each time i see him , any pre op testing (if any)  the nutrition class $290.00 ....the non refundable  2nd appt @ $250.00. Thank you for trying to help i could just chew nails right now & not fingernails.

I'm sorry, LeeAnne. That would really suck. With my insurance, you get put on a 9 month to 1 year waiting list so I feel your pain on the waiting. It sucks. We are also dead broke so I feel you on that one too. I wish I could offer words of encouragement, but I have none. Stay here with us though until you can get the surgery. It's a great support system here. ((hugs))                                  Jamie

LeeAnne - i'm so very sorry for what you and your family are going through right now, you are right, it $#*)($#!  I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers, since i have no great advice to give, ok, here's a cyber ((((hug)))).  lys

I'm so sorry all this has come up right now.  BUMMER!  Feel free to &#$^$*@& vent though!  LOL.  It always makes me feel better!  Hopefully the biopsy will come back okay, your husband will get through training and find a job fast and then your wait will be over.  Until then, stick around for the fellowship!  :) HUGS!

Thanks everyone (((((HUGS))))))   I feel the love & compassion  i appreciate it.  I just need to pout really  hard  for a few days then i'll show my face again . I cannot get great support if i don't give great support. I am being put on  what they call "inactive status" meaning i don't have to go through all the steps again i can just pick up where i left off . I will keep in touch with the office i won't "stalk them" but i will let them know i am still very much interested on a bi monthy basis. I guess that part of this journey for all of us  NEVER GIVE UP .

Ok my phone buddy...first of all, take a breath.  Take two.  Two more.  Now, first off let me start by saying that I'm very proud of you for coming here & being so honest.  Venting is good...better to get that out rather than let it stew inside.  I always believe that things happen for a reason & only when they're supposed to happen, so apparently this is not  your time yet.  In the meantime, there's still plenty you can do.  Keep learning about your upcoming surgery, for it will surely come eventually.  Start journaling your food & nutrient intake NOW.  One habit I'm finding hard to break is not drinking anything with my meals....soo practice that.  Try not to take a defeatest attitude & just redirect.  Keep coming here & adding your 2 cents worth.  But whatever you do, don't give in to all the anger & frustration...that's nothing but negative energy & right now both you & hubby need positive energy.  You will get through this trying time & before long it will be a distant memory.  In the meantime pat yourself on the back for being so sensible about your financial situation.  If you've forgotten, you still have an open invitation to call me whenever, so do that.  We can commiserate together.  Your day will come, sweetie...just keep the faith.

Good am, Anything worth having/getting is worth waiting/working for in my opinion. Seems like to me there will never be the perfect time to have surgery. Something will always come up. But, that time will come. Sometimes when we ask the Heavens for something so much the answer isn't "yes" but it isn't "no" its just "not right now" and that starts to break us down. Try to turn your frustration into determination. Map out what you'd like to see happen within reason and start plugging away at it. I will pray for you and your hubs and hope that things turn around ASAP and know that its all right to be emotional and all that emotions in the ranges and that coming here you have support and encouragement. All best!

Big hugs to you.  So sorry that you are having to go through this.  Vent away as needed.