From your arm-chair shrink...

Ann S.
on 7/24/08 1:37 pm - Middletown, VA
Lap Band on 07/16/07 with
I'm beginning to notice a trend within our ohana...that nasty little demon known as depression.  I'm not going to name any names, other than my own, but it's becoming more & more prevalent of late.  I have a theory...we all spend so much of our time learning how to utilize our "tool" to its fullest & best advantages.  Many of you are near your wl goals, have already reached it, started plastics, or completed plastics.  In other words, most of our attention has focused on the physical aspects of this journey.  Looking back, the only time I've heard about mental health being added to the wl equation is when we were qualifying for the surgery itself.

All our attention has been focused on changing our eating habits, watching the scale numbers go down, & learning how to shop for clothes all over again.  Yet, our journey is not complete.  There are so many things that affect our MENTAL health.  It's no wonder depression can rear its ugly head.  Many of you have said that even though you've slimmed down, that you still see that obese person in the mirror.  Some of you don't know how to respond, react or even feel when you receive compliments because it's not something you are used to.  More & more, as some of you have honored me with  your trust, you have shared how vulnerable you are feeling, or how unsure you are feeling, & oh so many other symptoms of depression.  And as that depression takes hold many of you pull away from us here.

I would like to convey to ANY of you that are dealing with this demon, that it is when you are feeling most vulnerable, most unsure, most fearful, most sad, most out of your element that you NEED to come here.  It is my understanding that we come here to give AND receive support, not just when we're having surgery or when we have a wow moment, but during those rough days.  As I just told one of you recently, this friendship of ours DOES have strings attached.  Those strings are unconditional love, honesty, & respect.  I don't expect any of you to be the unwavering rock that we all come to lean on.  I don't expect any of you to be pidgeon-holed into just one personna.  I want to reach out, embrace, come to love, come to understand you, the whole individual, complete with your amazing powers as well as your faults.  This journey of ours takes so many twists & turns along the path...I want to learn from  your accomplishmets, but I also want to learn from your shortcomings...the things that you, yourself are still working on.  I want to give back as well as you have given to me.  I can't help if I don't know you need it.  This board, this ohana, is the one & only safe haven I have to come to where I feel safe & secure in knowing that I can tell you all anything & I know that I will receive good advice, lots of love, comfort if I need it, prayers if I need it.  I know that you will laugh with me (& sometimes even AT me), that you will cry with me, that you will kick me in the pants, or you will wrap me in your loving arms.

I guess what I'm trying to get across to all of you is that I don't want you to stay away when you're down in the dumps.  We all need each other in our own ways & there is no shame in coming here & asking for help.  Isn't that what family/'friends are for?  Well....isn't it?

I love you all.

Hugs!
Ann

Please help support our troops in harm's way.  Go to AnySoldier.com
Tomorrow is our future...yesterday our history...today our surprise & that's why it's called Present! 

    
SWEET Tink
on 7/24/08 10:05 pm

Ann,
You have no idea how your email , Jills email and all the out pouring yesterday affected me .
I pride myself on being strong . And when I became weak, I truly did not want anyone to know . But now , I know that I am not alone . I know that I am loved and it is an unconditional love. This is what most of us long for in life . And we have it right here .

I feel so much better today. I am not 100 % , but so much happier than yesterday.
Depression sucks .. no matter how it comes about . And when you are alone and sad , it does help to know that there is people here that care and will let you cry when you need to .

Again .. so many thanks for helping me see the light .
Love you ,
Tink

Proud Obesity Help Bariatric Life Coach
Proud Obesity Help Support Group Leader
Fighting Daily the Disease We Call Obesity !
www.obesityhelp.com/group/LifeStartsWLS08
www.vawlsevents.com
Helping Others Find Their Way to a Life They Deserve!



    
Ann S.
on 7/24/08 11:22 pm - Middletown, VA
Lap Band on 07/16/07 with
Tink, I am very happy to hear such good news.  You, & a multitude of others here, have helped me through some real challenges & certainly through crisis (Mike's issues...phew, glad that's over!).  I don't know what I would have done without all of you.  It was like you were there, beside me, through it all.  I could feel your spirits, your love, your comfort.  How could ANYONE turn away from that?  You know why some do?  Shame.  A sense of failure.  Not wanting to be a burden.  Just to name a few.  I don't know about anyone else here...I can only speak for myself, but when I say I want to help, I actually mean it.  I made a committment to myself & to all of you when I came here that I was going to do everything I can to help myself & I sooo looked forward to the day when I could give back as well as I gave.  So I guess what I'm doing, & will continue to do is, is I'm paying it forward.  Simple as that.  And I'm keeping it real.  I don't expect ya'll to agree with everything I throw out here...I don't have all the answers...I just know that we are all on the same mission & when you work as a team sometimes we have to reach down & pick one up & carrying them if needed.  Maybe if more people did that, we wouldn't have the troubles in this world that we have now.

Anyway, welcome back to the world of the giving.  Welcome home.

Hugs!
Ann

Please help support our troops in harm's way.  Go to AnySoldier.com
Tomorrow is our future...yesterday our history...today our surprise & that's why it's called Present! 

    
Pat F.
on 7/24/08 10:18 pm - Richmond, VA
Ann you are so right and we are all family and we should not keep things to ourselves to the point that we get so depressed that we feel we cannot go on. Because of all of you I am reaching out and asking for support and help when I need it.


          
Ann S.
on 7/24/08 11:26 pm - Middletown, VA
Lap Band on 07/16/07 with
I really am glad that you feel that way Pat.  And coming from a lady who hasn't had surgery.  Do you realize how important your journey is, as well?  I believe we need to encourage our non-surgery friends to come here & let them know that this is not just about wl surgery...it's called Obesity Help, not WL Surgery Help.  So thank you for being so brave.

Hugs!
Ann

Please help support our troops in harm's way.  Go to AnySoldier.com
Tomorrow is our future...yesterday our history...today our surprise & that's why it's called Present! 

    
(deactivated member)
on 7/24/08 10:28 pm - Between Richmond and Charlottesville, VA
Ann, thank you so much for the inspiring words. You are so, so right! How blessed we all are to have someone like you to remind us of this. I know I am starting to get down in the dumps because I just cannot lose the last 8 pounds to get to goal (10 for my personal goal because I want to be able to say I lost 170 pounds) and I am really, really struggling with getting my exercise in. I have got to shake the feeling like a failure when I have come so far and there are so many who haven't had the same successes, much less able to get approved for the surgery. Not feeling like a failure is a new feeling for me when it comes to my weight, and having everyone here makes it a lot easier to banish those feelings and appreciate who I am and what I have.

Love and hugs!

Dawn
Ann S.
on 7/24/08 11:32 pm - Middletown, VA
Lap Band on 07/16/07 with
Good for you, Dawn, for fighting against those old tapes in your head.  Those last lbs will come off when they're supposed to.  In the meantime, saying you lost 160 lbs ain't bad either!!!  Are you kidding me?  When  you start feeling in the dumps about that again, here's a challenge...go to Lowes, grab a big cart, then go to the section where they have bags of dry concrete.  Now stack up 160 lbs of those bags, or as close as you can get to it.  Then try to pick up that load!  I daresay you CAN'T DO IT!  And yet you walked around with that hanging on your body.  We cannot dwell in what used to be...we've worked too hard to fall back into those old thoughts & feelings.  Now is the time for you to celebrate everyday.  You look at that lovely lady in the mirror & give her a sharp, sassy wink.  She needs reassurance & who better to give it to her than you, yourself.  Then come back & tell us how it felt.  I'm so proud of you, Dawn.

Hugs!
Ann

Please help support our troops in harm's way.  Go to AnySoldier.com
Tomorrow is our future...yesterday our history...today our surprise & that's why it's called Present! 

    
(deactivated member)
on 7/25/08 3:02 am - Between Richmond and Charlottesville, VA


Off to Lowe's I go!!

And you're right...it will come off if and when it is supposed to!!

Thank you for believing in me and for loving all of us!
Kitty Kat
on 7/24/08 10:43 pm - Richmond, VA
What a wonderful post Ann! Mental health issues are on the rise in the WL community and its being addressed more. Just as with addcition and WLS its finally getting some real good attention and in the coming months & years I hope that we are able to better understand it all with research and cold hard data to help us deal with mental health issues a lot better than just popping pills and shrinky dinkin'. Now mind you I'm not knocking either of those by ANY means but I'm saying there are other methods/alternatives that help with depression and one of those is coming together with a group such as ours and really leaning on one another when the toughness of Life bites.

Its incredibly important to be open to not only supporting others but reaching out for support too. Its one of the lessons I'm trying to learn and embrace myself so I know it first hand. I'm not as open as I used to be and sometimes to my own detriment so I'm a work in progress.

I hope you and yours are blessed beyond measure. :)

Kitty Kat - Lap RNY 29th Jan 03
Blessed Momma to Kayla & Nora
Sober since 25th Aug 07 
www.the-butterfly-chronicles.blogspot.com
Thankful for the easy, grateful for the hard & hopeful for tomorrow.



Ann S.
on 7/24/08 11:50 pm - Middletown, VA
Lap Band on 07/16/07 with
Kat, my girlie, you have come a long way, baby.  And you're right...mental issues are being addressed more & more.  It's one thing for the media & the health community to acknowledge the need, but it's more important that we, who are living it or know someone who is, that needs to step up & speak out.  Shrinks, medication, support groups, yoga, meditation...you're right...there are so many ways to conquer depression.  And the key to that is 1. not to give in to it, but rather become curious about it & try to pinpoint what's contributing to it, then 2. coming up with a game plan to knock it out of our way.  And something to consider as well...this depression some of us have been having may not be related to our weight at all, but rather from unresolved issues of our past that we were masking over with food.  Oprah & Dr. Phil talk about that all the time.  So maybe by coming here & either privately or publicly daring to expose our inner selves to those we trust, we can collectively figure it out.  Sometimes just being able to put a name to something can take away the fear & the hold that depression can have on us.  For instance, I am a survivor of child sexual abuse.  For years I had these "visions"...like little movies in my head of scenes from the abuse.  I thought I was completely out of my mind & Lord knows I wasn't about to tell anyone for fear that they would KNOW I was crazy.  Well, I finally sought out help & do you know what those "visions" are called?  FLASHBACKS!  Well, how cool to know that they had a real name & that I wasn't crazy.  So the next time it happened, I could just take a deep breath, tell myself ok, that was another flashback, glad that's over, & I could move on instead of being dumbstruck where I stood.  I took BACK the power that was taken away from me when I was a child.  What a relief!!

So there...I just shared publicly with ya'll a secret that really isn't a secret anymore because I don't choose to let that crap have a hold on me.  It IS conscious decision.  We can choose to waller around in depression or we can recognize it, realize it, accept that we are experiencing it, & take no shame in it, & then we can decide to either live with it or do everything we can to make it go away.  If that means sharing it here, privately, go see a shrink, take medications for awhile, or whatever, then sobeit, but at least know that you have a choice in the matter.  Depression doesn't just happen...we let it happen.  And how long it lasts is entirely up to us.  Hmmm...more food for thought?  LOL

Hugs!
Ann

Please help support our troops in harm's way.  Go to AnySoldier.com
Tomorrow is our future...yesterday our history...today our surprise & that's why it's called Present! 

    
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