Ever lost a friend after your weight loss???

I spoke to a really close friend of mine today who is having her VSG done in 9 days with Dr. C. Wooohooooo! I'm so so happy for her. She was over at my house this past weekend doing protein sample taste tests. She told me she ran into another mutual friend of both of ours(and this other gal is supposedly my best friend). She decided to inform her of her upcoming surgery and my supposed best friend "went off". She started saying how Michelle(me) lost too much weight too fast. And that it is so UNHEALTHY and she doesn't agree with any WLS(yes, she's a skinny gal). Okay..........WTH?

What is so unhealthy with being in a normal BMI range? What is so unhealthy with losing what my 9 year old son weighs(86 pounds) plus another 6 pounds? If I were to piggy back him on my back, i'd truly fall over and I'd definately get my back pain back. What is so unhealthy with the way my joints, knees and ankles now feel? I'm freed from the pain and living life again. She should know, she was here at my house 2 Easters ago when my back went out and I was laid up on my couch, on vicodin with a huge ice pack on it. Not to mention we had a large Easter gathering with an egg hunt.

I've learned a lesson here......she's never been over weight, she'll never ever get it! I'm going to have to distance myself from her cause I'm so pissed, ya know? I've always been there for her thru a divorce, marriage and was there when her baby #3 was born, i coached her during labor. I was in her first wedding, we worked high school jobs together, got into trouble together, laughed and cried together. Ugggh!! I'm so glad I have all of you.

Thank you for letting me vent.........i feel better already!

aloha,

michelle

I feel so hurt and she hasn't even said one word of disapproval to me~ever! But decided she needed to talk crap behind my back. And that's the part that sucks!!!

Dang girl, Iam sooo sorry this went on!  I know its sucks right now, but Iam thinking, hey, if you are pissed, why not turn that into an education for HER?  Go for coffee, ha**** out, EDUCATE her about obesity, the rest is up to her if she wants to remain ignorant! You 2 DO have alot of "history" together, it would be a shame to not at least confront the issue, see where you 2 can go from there.  She prob. needs her "fat hating" mindset to be challenged! I know you are hurt, and Iam sure the sting of it is very painful, give it some time....

Thank you my lady in waiting! You always know the right things to say, yes the sting is painful. I'll give it some time and then call her up when I'm not fuming..........thanks Gael!

Well u can pick your battles darlin......this sounds to me that she is feeling insecure.....she doesnt know much about the surgery obviously and just maybe her being the thinnest of you 3 has been her trump card.....what empowers her in your relationship.....i think i would ask her about what she said to your friend.......and why she feels that way......if u are as tight as u say you are then its worth talking about. I can tell you something that someone that had a friend who lost a lot of weight told me once.....People get sick of hearing about the weight loss .....they dont want everything to be about ohhhhhhh i have lost so much weight or ohhhhhhhhh i fit in a size O or ohhhhhhhh whatever....this person told me that they were happy for their friend but it became such a disruption that she didnt feel important anymore. Its ok to be excited about your new body and for sure talk about it here ,but maybe u could talk about how she is feeling and ask her why she said that to your other friend. Then explain to her that besides looking great your  health is greatly improved so u can enjoy the rest of your life. I think once u have cleared the air then u should feel better and then u can tell her how much she means to you.  A good friend is hard to come by......and worth talking to. I wouldnt make it an issue about you .....let it  be about her to see where it goes.......

Thanks BMSS. Fortunately I am not the type of person to "brag" about my new size so I know that was not a disruption in the relationship. We went to dinner a few weekends ago for birthday(her DH invitued us as a surprise to her). She did comment on what little I ate(1 crabcake and some greens) and even rolled her eyes at one point. I just brushed it off. The bulk of the conversation that night was all of our kids. How so and so is doing with school, puberty, sports, etc.

You are so right, a true friend is hard to come by. I'll call her when I'm calm, cool and collected.

aloha,

michelle

Wow!  If what she said was true than you have every right to be hurt. But before you jump to any conclusions you need to get together with this gal and have a talk.  Sometimes the way things are said are not the way they were meant.  It is 2nd hand information. That is a long, long friendship to let go of on heresay. Call her when you are calmer and inviter her to go have coffee with you.   Yes I'm sure she doesn't have a clue what it was like for you when you were heavy.  But you don't have a clue what is going on in her head.  She may be very jealous or insecure now that you look so good. Talk to her.  Then decide where the friendship will go.   

Well we all said the same thing in different ways. We might be on to something here.

Thank you! I really DO think shes clueless on the whole obese issue. Education is key! I'll talk to her when I'm ready and see where it goes.

ps-your day is almost here!!! Yeeehaw!

I think a lot of people are pretty dogmatic about the concept of losing weight slowly (2lbs per week), and have no idea why that is quoted (and quoted and QUOTED) and to whom that advice is given. Perhaps she's just concerned that you fell outside that guideline (even though she may have never thought about WHY that guideline is appropriate for people using conventional weight loss tactics, and WHY that would not necessarily apply to you) and has formed her opinion based on that? Either that, or she's just a B**CH :-)  Hang in there!

LOL.....I was LMAO when I read your message a second time. Only that second time i saw the 2nd to the last line. Teeeeheeee!

Hmmmm......I thinks I may have fallen' off HER guideline. She's never seen me this small. Not even when I met her back in the 9th grade.

Thank you!!!