HONESTY

If anyone is offended by what I am about to say.... I apologize in advance. There has been something that has really concerned me lately and I feel like I need to say something.  This is not directed at anyone or any topic in particular.... just an overall communication issue. IMHO I believe it is crucial for all of us to be honest with each other when we are asking and answering questions.  Too many times I see people refer to being afraid to post because they don't want to be a "downer" or "rain on the Parade"... it really makes me uncomfortable that there is a perception that we should really only post the "good" stuff.... or that many of us who are really happy.... aren't telling the whole story. The whole story is.... There ARE ups and downs... There ARE good and bad things... There ARE struggles and joys... There ARE challenges and successes... But overall for the MAJORITY... we are a happy and positive group and our new lives are WAY BETTER than what they were!  The part that bothers me is.... even though most of us are really happy.... there are people who aren't happy or are struggling and their voices and information sharing is just as important.  If people considering the VSG are going to make a fully informed decision, everyone has to be honest and tell it like it is....  if your opinion is different from the majority.... please share it...  people need the WHOLE picture and the WHOLE story. So please... please... please... do not be afraid to be HONEST.... I think all of us deserve honesty from each other.  It is through communication and discussion we all grow and learn.... both the good stuff and the bad stuff.... it all counts! Okay... I'm stepping off of my soapbox now....

I totally agree, as someone who is still in the researching phase I don't want to only hear the upside. I've been on the net and heard people talking about vomitting and being in constant pain but at the end of the post they say 'I love my WLS!!!'... to me I don't know how to take that. I don't think I would love something that made me miserable, and I think you're right that people are afraid to be considered downers when everybody is so 'up'... I often finding myself wishing that I could get a view of WLS that had no emotion attached to it.. anyway, sorry if I"M offending anyone as well..

Lol.... here is my "honest" experience with vomiting.  I'm not in any pain, so I can't speak to that one. I don't really vomit anymore like I would when I was pregnant or had the flu.  What happens now is more like spitting up foam.  Lots of people call it the foamies.   Every single time I've had the foamies I can look back at how I ate and see what caused it.  Usually it is eating too fast, too much or not paying attention.  I've learned that I have to "concentrate" when I eat....   for example...   for the next while this is what I plan to do. - NOT eat in a restaurant with my grandchildren.... I end up being distracted and I don't always notice how much I've eaten. - NOT take one more bite of something because it tasted so good.... there will be another time to have it and it will taste just as wonderful next time. - NOT to eat on the run or in a hurry.... if I can't take the time to eat properly, I will drink instead of eating.  I do not like the FOAMIES.... I love my VSG, but I need to respect it too.... and because I respect that my body has been through a major change... I need to pay attention to the changes I need to make in order for this to work....lol..... I do NOT like the FOAMIES! So, how are you doing Elaine????  Better than when we spoke a couple of nights ago? Christine

yes Christine, I'm doing better.. I don't know why I have so much nausea but I've got a dr's appt tomorrow and I'm going to take your advice and ask for some prevacid, thanks for that by the way.. It's not puking that I mind so much, it's NAUSEA that I hate, with the burning passion of a thousand suns. bad nausea is sooooo bad. I've puked before without feeling nauseous and it doesn't bug me really, just a really chunky way to pass the time hahaha... hope you are doing well too, cheers, Elaine

Unfortunately, I don't think it is possible to look at WLS objectively. It's not like buying a car or a stereo, where you can look at gas mileage, horsepower, watts, warranty conditions, price etc., and actually come to an objective decision. The crux is that how we respond to the "downsides" is very individual, which means that my experiences, and how I perceive those experiences, is actually probably not the least bit relevant to anyone else. For instance, I might feel what I consider only minor pain that requires nothing stronger than Tylenol, while the next person perceives the pain as much worse and has to take narcotics to deal with it. That doesn't mean I am tougher, or the other person is weaker, or anything else - these things are so complex and individual and probably have to do with neurological stuff that is far beyond my pay grade.

There is just no way of "objectively" measuring pain - or the discomfort suffered in the form of nausea, or foamies, or whatever. And it is perfectly possible for a person to feel some kind of discomfort or distress, perhaps even severe distress, but still, on balance, to be very happy about their WLS, because the emotional and physical downsides of  of obesity far outweighed the emotional and physical downsides of WLS - for them. That might not be the case for the next person, and I think there is just no way of predicting whether what is going to happen, other than based on your personal experience with other kinds of surgery or illness.

If people indeed feel afraid to be "downers," I have to say that in my opinion there is absolutely no basis for those fears. I have never once seen anyone with a negative viewpoint or a difficult story to tell get anything but support and understanding on this board, with the possible exception of one person (long story to repeat again here, but basically the person believed VSG caused mental illness).

On the whole, I do not believe people are afraid to be honest here and I think they usually are. I also think it is possible for someone who, for instance, has a low pain threshold but heard others with a high pain threshold claim that the pain was negligible and decided to have the VSG on that basis to feel like she was fooled, or that other people were not "honest," when it was simply a matter of individual perceptions.  

I have said it before but it bears repeating....thank you so much for your measured, reasoned responses, girls....I always love that there is a deep wellspring of intelligent commentary out there for whatever issue is raised....Christine, you look fabulous btw....:)  Ros-Mari, I am in complete agreement with your post as well.....I love our VSG board.....uppers, downers, warts and all....;)  Cheers!  Gail

Thanks, Gail!

You are SO correct Ros....That is ONE thing that I find Soooo "irritating", in a bit of a ironic, funny way, that in the end when deciding on surgery, EVERYONE is soooo different.  I have seen it all in almost 18mo. of being on here, and YES, people's reaction to the whole WLS, from nausea, pain, dry heaving ect...are just varied, one can only take it all in, and be prepared for it all, having thier eyes WIDE open

I come here for a lift when I need a lift...I feel that I have posted lots and lots when I have felt rotten or bad and there are always bunches of people there to lift me up and make me feel better ....I mean I usually don't have a problem posting when I am grouchy...or hurting...or sad...or out of energy. This is exactly where I come to when I am feeling out of sorts. And I post. Then usually when I am feeling really good without any worries..those are the times that I "reply" the best. But I have had bad times...I had bad reflux...I shared my reflux, I shared my chronic constipation and thank god in my situations those problems eventually got resolved... BUT there are those out there of us who experience constant problems that DONT go away or get resolved easily....THOSE people need us the most..and yes I would never want anyone to feel that they couldn't post exactly how they feel because everyone else is so up. For the most part I am very happy with my results...but I have had my moments...I was stressing so bad here about a month or so ago and even joined weigh****chers because I thought I just was not going to lose any more weight...I was sooo struggling with that...I was sooo obsessed with the stupid number on the scale...it was really a freaky time for me...and I did post some about it....but you are right...I kind of went and did my own thing and joined WW for a while going through it...and skipped posting a lot to get through this time...I did not want to drag anyone down....but I was really hurting and struggling and had no idea how to get out of that mode. It finally broke and I don't worry anymore so much about the dumb number on the scale...I am happy when it goes down..but I don't obsess anymore over every single crumb that enters my mouth anymore...I made it too much like a diet. So yeah if someone is having a hard time...TELL US...tell us you hate your sleeve if that is how you feel because it is ok to feel that way once in a while...I have felt that way before. I think we all probably have for a short time then that feeling passes. It isn't all love and happiness and sunshine and farts. There are some sucky days that go with this. All part of the journey ;-)

You have been such an inspiration to so many people, Sherri.... you are so good at putting it out there for people to read.  I'm thankful you share your challenges.  I often feel a bit guilty, because everything is such smooth sailing for me.  The "honesty" part is for me too... sometimes I don't say much, because I don't have problems and I don't have complaints.... I really don't want to give people a false impression that everything is wonderful... when for many people it takes months before their systems settle down and everything begins to go smoothly.  Are you getting any of your energy back, now that you're healing up from your extra surgeries???