Horrifying?

I didn't tell my mom about my decision to do WLS until AFTER the surgery.  I knew she would pretend to be supportive but not really be.  So I told her after.  And she surprised me with real genuine sounding support.  So I emailed her a link to my doctor plus some other information.  And she emailed me back and said the procedure was "ummm....interesting".  So I emailed back "Interesting?" and she wrote me back:

"Well, I wasn't going to say horrifying... since you just had it... LOL"

So I am angry, hurt, sad...but am I missing what she is saying or is she just being awful?  I cant tell because I am moody from the procedure still.

Good morning Missy,

Unfortunately we cannot control someone elses perception or even their reaction.  Hopefully when she sees you begin to live a more healthful life she will come around...if not, it is her problem.

You may have to distance yourself for awhile, so you do not say anything you will regret later.  Leave the nastiness to others.  Just concentrate on sipping tha****er and walking around and HEALING. 

 I wish I could just roll my eyes when my mom says weird stuff to me, and not take it so hard.  It'd be so much easier if I could take it with a grain of salt, or laugh it off.

Do you have siblings?  I have a brother, but on my dad's side.  So I have no one to joke about mom with, except very rarely one of my uncles.

You have to admit the surgery may look horrifying to some. You should never read into anything e-mailed because it is often taken not the way it is meant. I am lucky because I talk to my mom on the phone a few times a day. She was not supportive that I have the surgery because she was too afraid something would happen to me. Now that I have had it and I am alive, she is very supportive.

I don't think she meant it badly. Of course I don't know you, or your mother, or anything about your relationship...but horrifying isn't something you need to take personally. The LOL I think indicates something more along the lines of scary for a mom, nervous laughter maybe. It is, after all, pretty radical...and to a momma possibly horrifying that her baby would need to do that. Give her time. Breathe. Drink some tea. She'll change her tune (if it IS sour now) once she knows how good you are feeling and better your health is.
MC

I truly feel your pain -- i JUST got a call from my aunt, with whom I am very close.  She said she heard I had set a date.  She said was praying to Saint Jude [of lost causes, B****hat I would change my mind.  Said my problem was that I was "undisciplined."  That I was taking the easy way out.  I responded that I was taking the ONLY way out.  She said "You realize we won't be able to sit on the deck at Carmen's and finish off 2 pitchers of sangria ever again?"  I said that (1) I would be able to drink sangria again at some point and (2) did she ever think that maybe drinking an entire pitcher of sangria by oneself may not be the healthiest thing in that world? Etc. Etc.

Sometimes people aren't able to be there for us as we want and need them to be, whether they are scared for us or jealous or just plain don't understand what it means to be morbidly obese.  These people can either be those *****ally do love us, but just don't "get it."  Or they can be those toxic relationships that hurt us and ultimately have no redeeming value in our lives.  I know my aunt is the former, and I bet your mom is to.  The best thing we can do for these people is show them our success and happiness in our new lives.  THAT they will be able to understand.  

I'd tell your mom that she hurt you though...in a calm and non-confrontational way.  How is she going to learn if you never tell her!

MM

I know we all strive to get our parents approval.  But remember you had this surgery for YOU and your reasons.  Whether or not, she gives you approval doesn't matter.  If I were you, I would just leave it alone for now and after your moods get a little more stable, maybe then have a talk with her.  Tell her your reasons for having the surgery, share your success and tell her while you hope she will support you, you will have continued success even if she doesn't.

My Mother was supportive.  When she suddenly passed away September 4, I had lost 100 pounds.  I have since made it to goal and then some.  I wish she was here to see the rest of my success.  Surely your mom will be happy for you.

Brooke K

Well I commend your for at least being honest.  I told all my family members that I was having lap band because I knew after I explained the sleeve procedure to them they would call me crazy(er) because they were already on my case about having WLS period.  Only my husband and a few close friends actually know I had the sleeve.  I'm VERY outspoken and I didn't want to have to tell someone off so I chose to not be honest with them.

You may be anticipating something that is not there.   She may be hurt that you decide not to include her in your plans.    Don't push

Now is the time to take care of your health and work at loosing weight.    You made your descisions.  

You can watch all these clips on YouTube with actually surgeries.

Judy tried to get me to watch it...I said quote "NO Way that is horrible I don't want to know how they do it".

So take it for what it is.