feeling down

 I didn't go to family christmas this year so the husband and I (no kids) just keeping it low and not really doing anything since I'm in recovery.

So basically this has nothing to do with christmas feasting, just feasting in general.

I still want to pig out...in my head. I'm on liquids right now and I know that after drinking a few sips I'm full, but I still want to, sometime in the future, fill my cheeks with food! I'm sure this is a normal thing to experience. And it also makes me know how sick I am, but I'm in the mourning stage I guess. 

I can not imagine never chomping up a whole mouthful of food again. Why does that make me sad? I watched my husband take a half of a piece of pizza in one bite and it kind of grossed me out to hear him chewing. I guess I'm just jealous. 

I really cried today for no reason really but that I don't feel good and I don't know what to do. As in I don't know what to do with myself. I feel so blah. I can't go anywhere. I can't eat  I can't even drink (I have urges to just gulp water, but I can't.) How crappy is it that when they take away that one thing you used to do when you were bored (eat), you can't be phsyically active,so I feel like i'm going out of my mind. 

When I tried doing one small thing, moving plates from cabinets to a shelf, the next day I paid for it severely in pain. So for the past 2 days I've been sitting here doing absolutely nothing. I was going to try to go to a movie tonight, but we got bad weather, snow and wind, and I didn't want to risk that I might slip and fall and have to go to the ER or something.

Sigh... i've lost 17 lbs since the week before my surgery. That fact alone isn't helping.

 I can imagine how you feel - I am 10 weeks out from surgery, but would hate to be just on liquids at this time. It feels like the whole world is pigging out on food. I was able to eat small portions of what every one else was eating, but felt a bit deprived and definitely my eyes were bigger than my stomach. Usually I would have a few drinks, but even my taste for that is kaput.
Hang in there. This time will be over really soon. Tomorrow everyone else will feel bloated and unhealthy and possibly hungover, but you will still be on track.
I remember at your stage being happy with weight loss, but it wasn't enough to really show yet, and yet I felt totally depressed and deprived around food.
This time really is the hardest to get through. Once you start some pureed food etc, you will feel much better. 
Good luck!

 Thank you for your words of support. They really helped.

hi...i see that you post alot and im glad youve found this forum to do just that...we will all be happy to help you and offer any advice and support that we can give...a few of us will also kick you in the butt when its deemed appropriate... 

everything youre feeling, most of us had it too...please dont ever feel alone...right now, you are goin' through the hardest time in this whole process...alot of people will say that the pre-op diet is the toughest and for them it may have been...but for me, it was the three or four weeks after surgery...youre missing your old friend, food...and the mental aspect of this new reality is finally kicking in...as it should...

two words of advice...1) be flexible, and 2) be patient...i know that doesnt help much and when you feel like sh*t, it doesnt make a whole lot of difference...but every day gets a little bit better...it may not seem that way and some days will be just horrible, but they get fewer and further between...then the days turn into weeks...and weeks to months then youre on your way...

it helped me to battle my food depression and mourning to stay busy...i was off for two weeks from work and had a hunny-do list about a mile long...and some days i had zero energy to do anything and thats what i did...i also went for walks and it helped...its a re-charge and gives you some quiet time and a chance to think or just clear your head and re-focus...

and DONT be around when your hubs is stuffing his mug with pizza of all things!

you can do this...you will be amazed at discovering how strong you can be...you will learn so much about yourself and develop a new found self respect...

certainly DO NOT think everyones results/experience will be your own...its as individual as we all are...so relax, learn patience and roll with it, baby!    

Larry,

Thanks for this great post....I am feeling the same way and its been hard to be around all the food, I hope today goes ok

Thanks for your post. I have noticed and appreciated several of your posts on this forum. It's funny, my husband actually went into a guild spiral after he stuffed his face with pizza! (He's been eating healthy and he was having a junk food night that night.)

I may have had more pain than you because I still can't do normal things around the house, like even light housework. I can walk without pain though, and I've been doing it slowly inside my house. Today I'm going to try to go out for the first time because I need more protein shakes. I'm sure that will help with the cabin fever, and I hope I don't have pain doing it. 

{{{{{HUGS}}}}}
Take it one day at a time. Next year this time you will look back and be amazed at the journey you have been thru.

Keep posting and journaling, don't forget to walk walk walk.

Wow- you brought back some memories for me! I forgot how hard emotionally and mentally those first few weeks were- plus the hormonal mood swings on top of the food withdrawl didn't help. I watched 80 hours of FoodNetwork while I was home after surgery.

It does get easier I promise. You will feel better and adjust- I know that doesn't help much now but know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Don't sit doing nothing- you will recover faster mentally and physically if you can get a little exercise- just don't over do it again.
 

Hey girl!  I'm right here with you in Dallas, with all the snow, and just three days earlier than you on our surgery dates.  I know how you are feeling.  My family had the traditional mexican spread of tamales and stuff last night, and I swear I hated every one of them!  I know exactly how you felt when you watched hubby eat that pizza.  My husband went back for seconds, and I chastised him like he was a child.  I know it was my own envy that drove my frustration more than my concern for his wellbeing!

I have found myself wishing I would have had a bigger gorge fest in the days leading up to my surgery.  But, then I wouldn't have lost 16 pounds preop, which is, after all, the goal here.

I didn't even really eat my 1/2 cup soup last night because I no longer wanted it when I saw them gorging on yummy, cheesy stuff.  I had to have a serious talk outloud with myself.  I, like you, felt the fear of not being able to make it on the long haul.  But WE CAN!

The beauty of the sleeve is that we will be able to have foods that we enjoy again at some point in this journey, just in small, healthy portions.  I love Chey's mantra that she posted the other day "I don't eat like that anymore."  I'm trying to use it to keep myself sane during this time.

We decided that this was the right thing for us, and we need to do everything we can in the early days, weeks, and months to help our sleeve work for us and also develop healthier habits.  I don't know how long your liquid phase is, but hang in there.  I start mushy food next week, and I swear I've had unmentionable dreams about refried beans!  HA!

This too shall pass, and we will be stronger for it!  The support we have here is beyond words, so let's just know that we are strong Texas gals, and we can do it!  Just look at the results that so many people have at six months and know that come pool season, you and I can wear more comfortable and season-appropriate clothing and actually feel good about ourselves!  I haven't worn shorts in years, but I sure hope too this coming year! 

Take care, hang in there, and Merry Christmas!

Theresa

Thanks for that. Hopefully will see you at the support group.