Do you ever get tired of being strong?
I am coming out of a 13 year relationship that wasn't good... for a very long time, my entire adult life (I'm 30) I have always had to be the strong one... for myself, and everyone else too.
I have been working hard on myself the past 6 months, not just with surgery, and I am finally getting to a place where I don't feel like I have to be strong all the time... I know it is okay to ask for and accept help and support and I am trying!
The only problem is, now I'm a single mom... so, I DO have to be strong 99+% of the time! Now that I am confortable just letting go and letting someone else just hold me for awhile and I don't have that option any more... not that I ever really did before... but still.
Sigh....
Thanks for letting me vent!
I have been working hard on myself the past 6 months, not just with surgery, and I am finally getting to a place where I don't feel like I have to be strong all the time... I know it is okay to ask for and accept help and support and I am trying!
The only problem is, now I'm a single mom... so, I DO have to be strong 99+% of the time! Now that I am confortable just letting go and letting someone else just hold me for awhile and I don't have that option any more... not that I ever really did before... but still.
Sigh....
Thanks for letting me vent!
Ya know I was just saying the same thing the other day, that I am tired of always being the strong one and always being the one who has to make the tough choices and do the hard things. I wish someone else would do it for awhile. I am a single mom now too, have been for the last 4 years. Its difficult but its easier at the same time. I was in a 11 year bad marriage and its easier because most of the problems and things I needed to be strong about came from the bad marriage. I never had any support and never had help but when you are married you expect to get support and help from your partner and when you dont get it you get even more stressed out. Now I know im the only one who will take care of things so it makes it easier because there is no disappointment from someone else not doing their share. Make sense? You will do just fine, its a long road but one thats easily traveled if you keep the right attitude.
I can completely relate. I was a single mom before I married my husband, and yes, I got tired of being strong all the time. I didn't always make the best decisions as a parent, I wasn't always the greatest person, and I made some decisions in my past that while I don't regret, it really made me realize that I was doing things that were self-destructive and self-medicating with other outlets instead of admitting I needed help/support.
I think we all need a break sometimes. Since being married to my husband, being thrown into military lifestyle, stripped from my life in Texas which is where I spent all of my 30 years, had a career, long term friends, all of my family, to knowing no one except my child and husband, no job, no social outlets, least to say, I was miserable. I went without friends for a solid year here in Florida. I was petrified to make friends because I knew that the military would tear us apart. Luckily, I finally got tired of being alone, the complications that came with my revision took an extraordinary toll on me emotional and I finally realized that I needed friends. I reached out, and have found an amazingly supportive group of ladies that have cheered me on for 2 years now. While the Air Force has moved some of them away, we still communicate regularly, and if it weren't for them, I'm not sure that I'd be where I am today.
It still took me awhile to get comfortable asking for help, but one of the "senior" AF wives told me, "if you don't tell me you need me, I don't have a crystal ball, so stop thinking you are a burden and realize this is what friends do.." Today, I called her because our weedeater broke, and I need to have my yard cleaned up, my husband is leaving on a short trip for work, we're closing on a house and packing out the house, I can't weedeat, or mow the grass because of the pregnancy, my husband is not mechanically inclined enough to fix the weedeater and get it done before he leaves, and our house that we are renting is up for sale and there are people coming over to look at this week, and I need the yard weedeated and pruned up. She's sending her son over ( who is like a big brother to my 13 yr old) to weedeat. around my house. I know that is a ramble, but I had to realize that asking for help doesn't mean I'm weak or incapable or needy. It simply means that I need help, and having people that I can depend on during this crazy, hectic time makes my life easier.
My point is that asking for help is not a sign of weakness. It takes strength to know our limits, to accept that we are not super mom/wife/friend, and we must take care of ourselves before we can fully take care of anyone else.
I think we all need a break sometimes. Since being married to my husband, being thrown into military lifestyle, stripped from my life in Texas which is where I spent all of my 30 years, had a career, long term friends, all of my family, to knowing no one except my child and husband, no job, no social outlets, least to say, I was miserable. I went without friends for a solid year here in Florida. I was petrified to make friends because I knew that the military would tear us apart. Luckily, I finally got tired of being alone, the complications that came with my revision took an extraordinary toll on me emotional and I finally realized that I needed friends. I reached out, and have found an amazingly supportive group of ladies that have cheered me on for 2 years now. While the Air Force has moved some of them away, we still communicate regularly, and if it weren't for them, I'm not sure that I'd be where I am today.
It still took me awhile to get comfortable asking for help, but one of the "senior" AF wives told me, "if you don't tell me you need me, I don't have a crystal ball, so stop thinking you are a burden and realize this is what friends do.." Today, I called her because our weedeater broke, and I need to have my yard cleaned up, my husband is leaving on a short trip for work, we're closing on a house and packing out the house, I can't weedeat, or mow the grass because of the pregnancy, my husband is not mechanically inclined enough to fix the weedeater and get it done before he leaves, and our house that we are renting is up for sale and there are people coming over to look at this week, and I need the yard weedeated and pruned up. She's sending her son over ( who is like a big brother to my 13 yr old) to weedeat. around my house. I know that is a ramble, but I had to realize that asking for help doesn't mean I'm weak or incapable or needy. It simply means that I need help, and having people that I can depend on during this crazy, hectic time makes my life easier.
My point is that asking for help is not a sign of weakness. It takes strength to know our limits, to accept that we are not super mom/wife/friend, and we must take care of ourselves before we can fully take care of anyone else.
Band to VSG revision: June 3, 2009
SW 270lbs GW 150lbs CW Losing Pregancy Weight Maintenance goal W 125-130lbs
SW 270lbs GW 150lbs CW Losing Pregancy Weight Maintenance goal W 125-130lbs
Thanks for the long resposes girls. I know that I can and will do it, that it will be hard and all of that...it's just really hard for me to really get it, of that meakes sense.... I can talk the talk, but I can't walk the walk...
I am also worried that I could tumble very easily into another serious relationship without thinking things through like i should. I am lucky, the guy I've been seeing seems to be able to take things at a very resonable pace... that is a very good thing for me.
I think I am just overwhelmed.
You guys are both so right, and great support!!!
I am also worried that I could tumble very easily into another serious relationship without thinking things through like i should. I am lucky, the guy I've been seeing seems to be able to take things at a very resonable pace... that is a very good thing for me.
I think I am just overwhelmed.
You guys are both so right, and great support!!!
I totally get that. I had my first child at 16. I was on my own by 18. I've always had no one but me to get me through. I was lucky to have a wonderful Aunt who was always there but other than that it was all me. I recall at 20 years old my daughter who was maybe 3 or 4 asking why I cried at night. It was so hard to always be "okay" to never let anyone take the wind out of my sails. There were days when I didn't want to fight anymore. It gets easier. You find a new normal and you learn that you are all you really need. The people in your life that make is worthwhile are what you have to hold on to and know that nothing worth having is easy. I was single from 18 - 23 and life was rough. I then got into a relationship that I thought was my saving grace. It has been rather lonely and tough so I am glad that I learned to rely on myself early on. I often wish things were easier or happier but this is where I am…. at least for now so I make do. I really do feel like I always have to be the strong one, I guess once you have kids being strong becomes a way of life, for their sake. I try to let them see a little of the reality of how tough life can be just so they don't have this fake sense of how life should be (always happy and perfect) but it is hard to always be "okay." Hope it gets easier and you find your new normal in all of this.
Hugs to you….
Hugs to you….
I can so relate. I feel like I have the world on my shoulders as well. I feel like I am in this by my self. I feel like I have everybody's elses back and take on everybody elses needs, wants and desires trying to please everybody. However I don't get or have the same support . Eventhough I am married, I feel like I am in this alone. I am the one that have to make the tough decisions and make all of the sacrifices. It gets taxing afterwhile. I have however discussed this with DH and he has stepped up a little bit. He still has a ways to go but I can see the changes. I just say keep praying for strength and resolution.