SMACK ME... Carb monster bit me!

I am 6 weeks out, and the last week carbs have snuck back in... I have been CRAZY stressed and I am having to take hormones to deal with crazy periods that won't stop, but it is NO excuse.  Last night I ate an ounce of PRETZELS!!! :-(

I have officially learned that, even with VSG, I must stay low carb to loose weight.  I have gained 2-3 lbs this week and my calories haven't made it over 800... but my carb**** 80 one day :-(  (yes, I have at least stayed accountable).  I have also learned that I can eat anything I want, not a shock, but still... I freakin had 3 chicken nuggets the other day :-(

I have been doing pretty strict low carb since March... and have lost about 100 lbs since then.

I went back to work yesterday (I'm a teacher) and I had lost 65lbs since June... The reaction was amazing and supportive (they don't know about WLS though) and SHOULD be encouragement enough to get my butt back in gear!

SO... I know the drill, back to basics... I MUST  take advantage of these early months to get this weight off... I am SO not done yet!  I am seeing how very easy it will be to gain it all back thouhg... and that should also be enough to get me back on track!

Please... any and all smacks are welcome!!!

No smacking, just this.

There are no monsters. There is no wagon.  There are only the choices we make and all we have is today to make them! (but a BIG point of mine here is we can make them TODAY for a future date!)

Hormones - can MAKE a monster :} and we have so many ways of dealing with them, but here is part of my "what I do to make it through" in reference to hormones.

I track my cycle (yaay!  More tracking!  :} )

I am not on the pill, so that makes it better/worse? (dunno) but I count the 1st day of my period day 1, and then the day I start again, that is day 1 again. 

The shortest amount of time between cycles has been 15 days, the longest 32.

So, starting on day 10, I know its coming in the next 2 weeks, so I prepare by upping my dose of Oil of EVening primrose.  I get this at Wal-Mart.  I start making SURE I have clean proteins in my foods, drink enough water, get enough rest, and take care of my self care by making sure I move purposefully every day.  I tell myself mood fluctations ARE going to come and if I get the insane munchOlas, I can accommodate by moving my protein meals to every 2-1/2 hours, instead of 3, (and making them smaller), and when I am hit by urges, cravings, whatever, by going over and over what I have asked of and answered for myself when I was on a firm foundation (not being rocked by hormones).

What do I REALLY want? 

Because the answer typically is not "to eat something that I will have an emotional payment for, both in my self flagellation and because of scale consequences" you know? 

Taking care of me, like I would take care of someone I loved like crazy, who was going to be rocked by stuff they could not control (hormones, stress) and to look forward into the situation, and set them up for success as much as I had forethought to, because in the thick of it, falling back into old habits is a pattern, and bless whoever can really, in the middle of insanity say and act on "being thin is better than anything tastes" because for me in the middle of insanity?  WEll.  that's a pile of bull****

But that's just me.  :} 

So now?  You have been an experiment of one!  You seem to not have enjoyed it, and you got to see how easy it is to go back to what you thought was not going to be so easy to do, its not a huge deal, it comes with skin, it is what it is - your mission now is just, with compassion to you - see how to best set yourself up so that next time (and there is ALWAYS a next time!) you maybe can have made your choices BEFORE you get to the point of zombie pie-hole stuffing, and the options you have given yourself will be what's closest to grab!!

Welcome back to school!  Here's a nap and a Xanax!  :} 

You are appreciated!  Be sweet to you!

Jayz.. and of course I had another thought.  :}  Seeing "long" by my post is just freaking redundant.

re - people's reactions and encouragement.

Its nice but don't get hung up on it, because that is a trap.  We have to learn to encourage ourselves and we have to learn how to talk ourselves off ledges.  People's opines of us can change multiple times during a single day, we cannot count on them to accurately reflect our worth, or how well we have done with ANYTHING consistently, every day. 

There also comes a point where if you rely on other folks for *all* of your support, folks get weary, like trying to convince someone, yes, you love them, no you are not leaving, yes the are the best thing ever, no you do not wish they were with someone else, yes you like their body now, yes you liked their body then, no how they look does not change how you feel, et cetera.

Sometimes folks who have been well meaning emotional enablers can only be that for so long - and learning to be self sufficient, emotionally is going to serve us well.  Folks *want* to be helpful, and do what they can, but they are in the middle of their very own huge monster lives too.  So, let encouragement from others be icing on your cake, but not the cake itself, you know?

You can do this! You are doing this NOW!

Thank you for helping me put things in perspective.  I am so ready to do this... I just need these nudges along the way.  I will totally have to re-read this one... a LOT.

(((hugs))) and thanks!

Like Kanga said, I will be re-reading your post repeatedly.  I actually just printed it off and will be reading it periodically until I "get it".... and I mean "get it", like I'm practicing it all the time.   So, with that being said, thank you! 

I am a mother of 5 and a husband (lol), therefore, I'm a great caregiver of everyone else but myself.  I do look to others for encouragement, reassurance, etc.  I'm taking this tool that I am about to receive and I'm going for it.  At 42 years old, I'm changing my life around and taking control of MY life. 

Thanks again for your words of wisdom Brandilynn!

Okay here is the smack oh wait a minute if I smack you .I better beat myself .Yes I think we all slip from time to time but you reconize and that is what is important.I learned I coud eat ritz and I mean alot so now I dont' take the first one,Yes I have snuck a nugget or 2 but I did peel them lol.This is a relearning tool for us and I learn everyday.My 13 yr is in athletics at school so I have 32 cheer leaders well actual vollyball basketball and the 4 other sports they play.In fact one of these girls is what pushed me over to doing something about my weight.She told my daughter your mom is as big a s a line backer{gosh kids are so honest}  I am 5-8 I swear in High school I was 5 10. I saw some when I took daughtr to the freshmen football game last nite talking about me getting a big head they all came up and told me how well I looked .The little things like that sure beats the ritz lol.Have a good one and be thankful that you see your mistake.

I had a similar thing - where I was so focused on protein - I was ignoring carbs and I ate breaded chicken - because it tasted good and had good protein but also killer carbs - once I knocked the carbs back down to less than 40 the weight loss kicked back in. Now I am way more focused on the big 4 - cals/carbs/fat/protein - using myfitnesspal helps me stay on track because I can plan menues in advance and plug things in and keep swaping items in and out to see how it changes my numbers. Good luck - you haven't fallen off the wagon - this is still a learning experience for all of us!