16 mths postop..issues coming up with how i see myself
I still skim the VSG forum..now and again. Been so busy that I don't have time to read every post like I've done in the past. I do post the daily weigh-in on the VSG maint group. I also just posted about my 16 month checkup on the maint group. Link is at the bottom of my signature check it out.
Highest Weight: 380 Consult Weight: 357 Surgery Weight: 309
Goal Weight: 220 (9/29/10) Revised Goal Range 215-220 Current Weight: 224
Plastics: Circumferential Lower Body Lift - 11/18/2011
Gynecomastia - 6/14/2012
Dawnie, You look wonderful!!! Your smile says it all. I think you are very asute and brave to recognize the need for counseling. Sometimes, our bodies have changed so much, that it takes some time for our heads to catch up. I'm doing better in that area, but I continue to have moments when I catch a glimpse of myself in a window or mirror, and just shake my head. It is difficult to believe that I am small. Others see it, so much sooner than we do, and it does take awhile for our heads to catch up.
Kudos to your husband for recognizing the need for counseling. Not very many people, especially, men, can recognize the need for counseling.
To be able to lose the amount of weight that you have, requires so many internal changes, that it is like being reborn and awakened again. WLS is such a gift and I am grateful everyday for the decision to have had WLS. What a difference a year makes.
Gail
Kudos to your husband for recognizing the need for counseling. Not very many people, especially, men, can recognize the need for counseling.
To be able to lose the amount of weight that you have, requires so many internal changes, that it is like being reborn and awakened again. WLS is such a gift and I am grateful everyday for the decision to have had WLS. What a difference a year makes.
Gail
" 
I know exactly what you mean. I'm about 6 weeks behind you, and I've been feeling very much this way this week. There are so many complex emotions to deal with after losing weight.
I walked into Hollister on Friday. I did it simply because I could. I had never been into that store in my life until a few weeks ago. Whenever I walk into stores like that, I feel like a spy. It's as though I've put on a clever costume to conceal my fat girl identity. And the entire time I find myself holding my breath, waiting on an employee to approach me and reveal my true identity.
I'm of mixed emotions on the attention I receive now. Without a doubt I receive more positive attention. And I call bull**** on anyone who tries to tell me that's only because my personality has changed or that I'm "more approachable" or "nicer" and that it's not a matter of the weight. It is a matter of the weight. Sure I've changed. But I can guarantee you why people at the grocery store talk to me more. I have a difficulty not thinking of everyone as someone who would've shunned me before. Sure, I hadn't met this person or that person. But lets' be honest, we all know how I would've most likely been treated. Attention from men makes me very self-conscious and suspicious. And recently I'll admit to wanting to grunge it down, or even put back on some weight so I don't attract attention. So I know there are definitely some issues to sort throught
I walked into Hollister on Friday. I did it simply because I could. I had never been into that store in my life until a few weeks ago. Whenever I walk into stores like that, I feel like a spy. It's as though I've put on a clever costume to conceal my fat girl identity. And the entire time I find myself holding my breath, waiting on an employee to approach me and reveal my true identity.
I'm of mixed emotions on the attention I receive now. Without a doubt I receive more positive attention. And I call bull**** on anyone who tries to tell me that's only because my personality has changed or that I'm "more approachable" or "nicer" and that it's not a matter of the weight. It is a matter of the weight. Sure I've changed. But I can guarantee you why people at the grocery store talk to me more. I have a difficulty not thinking of everyone as someone who would've shunned me before. Sure, I hadn't met this person or that person. But lets' be honest, we all know how I would've most likely been treated. Attention from men makes me very self-conscious and suspicious. And recently I'll admit to wanting to grunge it down, or even put back on some weight so I don't attract attention. So I know there are definitely some issues to sort throught
Dawn you have done a fantastic job so please always be proud of all your accomplishments & for your renewed lease on life!
Re your comments:
" I never thought my marriage would suffer because of weight loss..but..I am feeling so many things that I didn't know I'd feel...and I just need to talk it out with someone. There are so many things open to me now..that i couldn't do before. I have changed a lot..yet my husband hasn't. "
I'm not trying to read anything into this but I'll just pass along some advice that was once given to me. "The grass may look greener on the other side, but once you get there you realize it's pretty much just grass. So make sure the grass under your feet is really dead before you head over to another lawn."
I've read on these boards many times that the change we go through tends to bring relationship issues to the surface. Good relationships get stronger and struggling ones tend to get worse or just finally end. I truly hope you find the best solution for your particular situation.
Hugs!!! ... Craig
Re your comments:
" I never thought my marriage would suffer because of weight loss..but..I am feeling so many things that I didn't know I'd feel...and I just need to talk it out with someone. There are so many things open to me now..that i couldn't do before. I have changed a lot..yet my husband hasn't. "
I'm not trying to read anything into this but I'll just pass along some advice that was once given to me. "The grass may look greener on the other side, but once you get there you realize it's pretty much just grass. So make sure the grass under your feet is really dead before you head over to another lawn."
I've read on these boards many times that the change we go through tends to bring relationship issues to the surface. Good relationships get stronger and struggling ones tend to get worse or just finally end. I truly hope you find the best solution for your particular situation.
Hugs!!! ... Craig
Heaviest:406 | Surgical Weight:366 | Current Weight:290 | Goal Weight:250
Craig..thank you for your comments. I really love the part you wrote...'make sure the grass under your feet is really dead before you head over to another lawn'...that is brilliant.
Just to add some info to my story..(guess i might as well..heck..maybe someone here has been through it..). My husband and I have always had a great marriage. We have our 12th anniversary coming up. We never argue..and he is extremely supportive..good husband..good father. I do love him very much. This is why i am seeking counseling..because it's not him having issues w/our marriage..it's me. I am just trying to figure out who I am again..at this new weight..and what i want out of life.
My husband has some side effects from medications he takes..and basically we haven't had sex for 2 yrs..until just a few mths ago (hell yes to the little blue pill). I am really wanting sex..and to be intimate..but as you can see..that is an issue. Plus he is always stressed from his job..and we just don't do anything together..as far as leaving the house. I have had thoughts about leaving him..to find someone who shares the same interests..can have sex when we want..etc...BUTTTTT...i also know my husband stood by me during me being so heavy..and never uttered a bad word about me..always loving. I would never leave him just because of the sex issue..he hates that too. I just want to talk to someone..see if what i'm feeling is a temporary thing..because of all these changes..and work my way through it..I do not want to leave him..i want us to work..i guess we just need to work..to make it work
Thank you for caring enough to comment....I do appreciate it!
Just to add some info to my story..(guess i might as well..heck..maybe someone here has been through it..). My husband and I have always had a great marriage. We have our 12th anniversary coming up. We never argue..and he is extremely supportive..good husband..good father. I do love him very much. This is why i am seeking counseling..because it's not him having issues w/our marriage..it's me. I am just trying to figure out who I am again..at this new weight..and what i want out of life.
My husband has some side effects from medications he takes..and basically we haven't had sex for 2 yrs..until just a few mths ago (hell yes to the little blue pill). I am really wanting sex..and to be intimate..but as you can see..that is an issue. Plus he is always stressed from his job..and we just don't do anything together..as far as leaving the house. I have had thoughts about leaving him..to find someone who shares the same interests..can have sex when we want..etc...BUTTTTT...i also know my husband stood by me during me being so heavy..and never uttered a bad word about me..always loving. I would never leave him just because of the sex issue..he hates that too. I just want to talk to someone..see if what i'm feeling is a temporary thing..because of all these changes..and work my way through it..I do not want to leave him..i want us to work..i guess we just need to work..to make it work
Thank you for caring enough to comment....I do appreciate it!
Dawn,
I applaud your frankness and your bravery for sharing something so personal in a public forum. I've been reading posts on here from many people going through similar problems and I have a feeling that both the hormonal changes our bodies are going through as a result of the weight loss, along with breaking free of our obesity prisons.. have a great deal to do with this. This common theme appears all too often for it to be a coincidence.
My Readers Digest advice would be that since you still love your hubby and he still loves you that the foundation is strong then. Now all you have to do is put what your going through into a framework that your hubby can understand and not be offended. Tell him how much your relationship means to you. Tell him how much more alive you feel now that you have broken out of obesity. Tell him you feel as though you were freed from a long term incarceration and now you just want to join life and do all the stuff that being overweight held you BOTH back from enjoying.
My hope is that he understands and is excited to join you in your new and more active lifestyle. It doesn't have to go from zero to 100% overnight. You guys can start by going on bike rides together or walking around a duck pond and feeding the ducks on Sunday. Maybe go to a club for dinner and dancing (not sure if that's something you guys like). But you get the idea. Trade off a few days or eves when you normally are watching old re-runs of Two & a Half Men for something new that you couldn't do before because you were too big, too tired, too embarrassed, etc.
I'm no marriage counselor but I have been married most of my adult life (to two different woman).
I hope this helps!... Craig
I applaud your frankness and your bravery for sharing something so personal in a public forum. I've been reading posts on here from many people going through similar problems and I have a feeling that both the hormonal changes our bodies are going through as a result of the weight loss, along with breaking free of our obesity prisons.. have a great deal to do with this. This common theme appears all too often for it to be a coincidence.
My Readers Digest advice would be that since you still love your hubby and he still loves you that the foundation is strong then. Now all you have to do is put what your going through into a framework that your hubby can understand and not be offended. Tell him how much your relationship means to you. Tell him how much more alive you feel now that you have broken out of obesity. Tell him you feel as though you were freed from a long term incarceration and now you just want to join life and do all the stuff that being overweight held you BOTH back from enjoying.
My hope is that he understands and is excited to join you in your new and more active lifestyle. It doesn't have to go from zero to 100% overnight. You guys can start by going on bike rides together or walking around a duck pond and feeding the ducks on Sunday. Maybe go to a club for dinner and dancing (not sure if that's something you guys like). But you get the idea. Trade off a few days or eves when you normally are watching old re-runs of Two & a Half Men for something new that you couldn't do before because you were too big, too tired, too embarrassed, etc.
I'm no marriage counselor but I have been married most of my adult life (to two different woman).
I hope this helps!... Craig
Heaviest:406 | Surgical Weight:366 | Current Weight:290 | Goal Weight:250
Dawn, you look amazing. I remember reading your post when I was a pre op and so inspired and continue to be inspired by them. I now too am having the same issues and when I look in the mirror, still see myself at 308. I also get very uncomfortable when people call me skinny, it's almost like I don't deserve to be called that. I guess it's just something that we must all learn to take in at our own pace. You look wonderful and have always been an inspiration to me since I joined this forum. Keep up the great work. You look amazing!
If you fear nothing, then you love nothing. If you love nothing, what joy can there be in life?
VSG-3/3/2011 HW-308 SW-298 CW-152 GW-160
156LBS. LOST
You're looking pretty damned good, Dawnie. And I imagine people were checking out your figure more than anything else in the store. People are pretty simple creatures. We all enjoy looking at attractive things - for those of us of the male persuasion, that usually means attractive women. But it isn't necessarily even a sexual thing, its just that seeing something, or someone, attractive makes us feel good. Think of yourself as a beautiful sunrise. You project a lot of confidence and vitality in your photos. I know it's probably a different sort of experience for you, but if you project the same way in person, those people looking at you are probably just wondering what it is you've got that they don't have and wishing they could be more like you.
And it sounds like you have a great committed relationship, so even if you are having some problems right now, things will probably work themselves out. I hope they do...
I am reminded of a song. Probably from the 70's.
"You are a child of the universe
No less than the trees and the stars, you have a right to be here,
and whether or not it is clear to you,
No doubt the universe is unfolding as it should...."
Highest-285, Start WLS Program-267, Surgery-245, Current-196, Goal-148
Short Term Goal - Under 185 by 10/15/11
Short Term Goal - Under 185 by 10/15/11
I love your photos!
You LQQK AWESOME!
You LQQK AWESOME!
✿ L♦O♦V♦E ✿ & ✿ P♦E♦A♦C♦E ✿ღ ✿ & F♦R♦I♦E♦N♦D♦S ✿ ღ
"Keeping The Faith!" "Slim by Summer!"
HW: 250 - SW: 241 - CW: 154.7- GW: 140
1 month: 22 pounds (216) 2 months: 12.2 pounds (203.8) 3 months: 10.6 (193.2)
4 months: 9.7 lbs (183.5) 5 Months: 6 pounds (177.5 ) 6 Months: 12 lbs ( 165.5)
7 Months 7.1 lbs (158.4) 8 Months +1.6 pounds(159.8) 9 Months 2.7 pounds (157.1)
10 Months 8.1 lbs (149) 11 months +2 pounds ( 151) 1 YEAR!!! 2.6 pounds (148.4)
Hit "One-derland April 9th, 2011 (199.7)
"Half-Way Goal" April 25th, 2011 (194.8)
"Happyland 80`s" May 14, 2011 (189.6)
"Groovyland 70`s" June 20th 2011 (179.9)
" HippyDippyland 60's" July 16th (169.8)
" CQQL-land 50`s" August 25th ( 159.8)
"Normal BMI" 24.8 October 21st, 2011 (154.5) I am 5`6
"AWESOME-land 40's" Dec 1st 2011 (149)
"Century Club 100 Pounds" Dec 1st 2011 (149)
' ONE YEAR SURGIVERSARY!!!"
Two Year Surgiversary!!!"
Most Active
Recent Topics
