New Coping Techniques

 Okay, so I'm a worrier, always have been.  I've gotten to this size since becoming an army spouse mainly because it is something I feel like I can control.  Pretty much none of my life is in my control.  We have moved every 14-18 months for the last 4 years, I had to give up my good career because of it.  I love my husband and I don't want to leave him so I must put up with the moving and having no control over my external life.  That is not going to change after the surgery.  Matter of fact we are having to pull a few favors just to stay here long enough for me to get the surgery.  I'll be PCSing (moving) about 12 weeks post-op if I have the surgery in Feb. as planned.

So I'm worried.  Food (especially sugar) is what helps me deal with the anxiety of not knowing where I'll be or what situation I'll be in, 12 months from now.  I know food isn't your "friend" but it's the closest thing I have to it.  You don't put down roots and make friends when you move as often as I do.  It just hurts to much when you leave again.  So, I keep people at arms length and eat.    I won't have that anymore and I'm seriously worried about my mental health, and that of my children.  I know I don't want to be obese anymore but I realize that the stressors that got me to that point are not going to dissapear.  Ideas?  

As an Air Force wife, I can totally relate.

BUT, I can tell you that you are doing yourself NO favor by refusing to make friends. I know it hurts when we leave, I know it's painful, but you are missing out. Grant it, you might choose to never change this behavior, but a huge part of success with this surgery is behavioral modification.

You should definitely see the therapist/psychologist that is provided for FREE with Tricare Prime without a referral needed. You need to have someone to talk to, and to work out these issues.

They will help you find new coping mechanisms because I can tell you that if you tend to withdraw and turn to food, the sleeve isn't going to stop you from sucking down ho's ho's and milkshakes.

You can put down roots and make friends. You are choosing to not do it to avoid pain all while enduring way more pain and lack of support because of that choice. I did the same thing when my husband and I first married. I paid for it big time. Now, I have an amazing group of ladies that love, care, support and encourage me. I've had a couple of really close friend PCS, and I was devastated, but I realize that it is part of this life we choose to live. You have the choice on what you want more. Friendship, support or that little demon of sugar and food issues that has done nothing positive for you in the past.

I know that might not be what you want to hear, but it's how I had to really evaluate how I was living my life.

 I guess the issue is I don't trust these people.  How can I, I've met them within the last 3 months and I'm going to leave them in another 8 months.  I'm an atheist and a liberal so that doesn't get me real far in a military setting.  I usually go out and find knitting groups but it is all superficial. My closest "friends" are those I've found on the internet because I feel I can be the "real" me there.  Here I have to play the role of what a spouse should look like.  So while I know I could call 3 people right now if I needed help, not one of them could I talk to about actual feelings or issues.  That's not completely true, one of my neighbors is 5 yrs post-op from RNY and she's a lot of help with food stuff.  But again I leave in 8 months so I'll use her while I can but she won't be at my next duty station.

 It's all very superficial.  I just don't see that changing anytime soon.  I agree a therapist would be fabulous if I had any sort of child care.  There is no hourly care available here and you can only ask people to help you out so many times.  

Just like always I'll figure something out but I'm about sick and tired of being the only one there for me, well me and sugar.

I understand it's tough with all the up and leaving thing. I wish I had better advice, but I'm a firm believer if you want something bad enough, you'll make it happen. I used to think I had to play the role of the perfect military wife, and guess what I realized, nothing makes me special because of the job my husband does. I'm still Tiffany. I know tons of atheist, and liberal wives, and I love them the same as my uber conservative, bible thumping friends. I'm uber conservative with Christian roots, and we all respect each others views, and lifestyles. Our differences challenge us. Do we disagree? You betcha we do, but we also find the common ground to stand on when we need each other. I guess it's all about the area you are in, and the groups you fall into. I'm, what my friends consider, a "junior military wife". We've only been married 3.5 years, but I've embraced the lifestyle, and changes/hardships that come with it. I don't like leaving, I definitely don't like the "see ya arounds", but I can honestly state that the friendships I have formed are lifelong friendships regardless of the miles in between. Did you know sittercity.com offers free membership to military families? You could possibly find childcare that would accommodate your needs via their service: https://www.sittercity.com/register_corp_1.html?corp=dod&client=67  Also, militaryonesource.com offers free counseling sessions via the net and phone. You and your family members are entitled to many free services militaryonesource.com I have used them on numerous occasions. There is also Overeaters Anonymous meetings in most places that some patients find very helpful along with the support groups that are usually ran by the bariatric program at their MTF or local hospitals offer support groups open to all patients regardless of where/when they had surgery.

Personally, I closed myself off to the idea of meeting people and establishing friendships for the first year here. I learned my lesson the hard way when my husband was deployed, and I nearly died during my revision with only one friend here who ended up being a horrible person. My husband was not allowed to come home, my mother had to come get my son and take him back to Texas, I was left all alone, trying to recover, deal with a horrific deployment, and found myself slipping into a depressive state because I had no one, and realized it was by my choice. I'm not saying it's going to change overnight, or that you'll ever change, but from my experience, I had to do something different because the life I was leading left me more depressed and completely isolated.

Best wishes!