OT... dating advice please... am I out of line?

Okay all... I need another perspective here... first, I should just say that I'm in a pretty good place right now, lots of other things going on in my life, not fixated on the boyfriend/dating deal... just in case that makes a difference...

So... he and I have been seeing eachother exclusivly for almost 2 months... not that long, I know.

He has 2 kids with 2 moms... a 12 year old he has had full custody of since she was 3, and a 4 year old who lives with his mom 2 hours away, but he still has him everyother weekend... he's a good dad.

So he and the more recent ex (mom of the 4 year old) split 2.5 years ago, but have done the on again off gain thing a few times since then... most recently they were trying again for a few months and split in October.

They still communicate a lot, not just about the kiddo, like dozens of texts a day I'd say on average, and 2 weeks ago he spent 2 nights down there so that he could see his son at hockey practice... I didn't like it, but I could kinda see how it was easier and could totally understand him wanting to see his son at hockey practice... didn't seem like 2 nights was needed, but whatever... not my call, and if that dynamic works for them, I know co-parenting is hard... he assured me he slept with his son etc...

So enter this coming weekend... he had his kiddo since Christmas eve, kept him all week because he's off work and daycare was closed for her... and this weekend is his weekend... so she asked if she could come up Friday to spend New Years with her son... he said sure, whatever.

I soooo don't get it.  He would also happily trade his son back a day earlier since he got soo much time with him... this is the longest he's had him since they split... like 9 days, and he knows that she misses him a lot.  It is clear that she wants to spend New Years not with her son, but her ex... my BF...

He offered for her to come up and spend Christmas Eve and part of the day with them and she didn't want to mess with her own plans to be with her kid... on CHRISTMAS... but now this New Years thing?  The Christmas thing I could totally understand...

He is a great guy, and I really see potential, but he is not interested in talking about this any more, and "is sorry if it makes me uncomfortable, it's not his intention" and thats it.  I feel there is too much of a relationship still there and he isn't ready to really move on... BUT... I'm new to this dating thing... maybe he's right and I am out of line?

I know what really matters at the end of the day is my feelings and what I'm comfortable with... but I would really like to hear other peoples take on the situation....

My personal opinion is you need to cut your losses now and move on and move on quickly!!!  There is never a reason this early on in a relationship that you should have to be dealing with all of this!!!

There are plenty of other guys out there...trust me!!!!

as kenny rogers sang .... "ya gotta know when to hold 'em.  ya gotta know when to fold 'em.  ya' gotta know when to walk away.  ya' gotta know when to run." ..... this is the time to run.

EXCELLENT REPLY!!!! So true! So true!!!

Not saying you want to take my advice on relationships, but this sounds like too many situations I've seen in the women-dating-women world.  Too much drama for me, and it rarely ends well.  I fear the drama more than the ending poorly. 

I totally agree with this - the boundaries are KEY but only the invested person can do it. The partner cannot make the other person set them.

which is why I also said to get out now. This is who he is, if he has boundary issues with this situation, he will have them with a lot of situations.

Anymore time will just be more fighting, arguing and being stuck dealing with it, not worth it!

Imo, they aren't finished.  Too much still there and you've only been around for a couple of months-since they last broke up.  You aren't out of line in feeling the way you feel, it just appears there is still something besides their child between them.  I agree with the others, no drama!

I have never been married or have kids but one thing I understand if you date a man with kids- as it should be- THOSE CHILDREN COME FIRST. Any man who puts a girlfriend- especially one of only 2 months ahead of his children has problems and that alone is a red flag to RUN.

Sounds like  to many problems for a 2 month investment- cut your losses now.

Your beautiful and obviously caring- you can def do better- AND DESERVE BETTER!

Thanks guys!  I just wanted to make sure I wasn't being unreasonable...

I too think there is more there... he has really solid boundaries with his daughters mom, though it is easier since she has SOOO many issues...

And I do totally understand the dynamic between the parents... I have a 4 year old and an ex husband... one thing I liked about this guy was how he could totally get the complications that go with it...  but... I don't see this issue going away... the last two girls he had relationships with had issues with his ex as well...

sigh.  I even told him early on that my gut said he was high risk... because I really liked him and I though he'd likely go back ot her... he said he'd just have to prove me wrong, because there was nothing like that left between them... oh well..........