Clothes and finding my inner backbone - kinda long

For the last couple of weeks, people at work have been telling me I look like a little girl in her mother's clothes.  My pants are big, but they stay up... yes, elastic waist helps. My tops are layered as it is still winter here.

I have a co-worker who had this surgery 18 months ago and has been my mentor through this process had a discussion with me about the head catching up.  I am SO scared that I will fail and gain it all back and will need my larger size clothes again.

SO, to make a long story short - over the weekend - I cleaned out my closet.  I tried on every piece of clothes - some still had price tags on them, dry cleaning stickers on them - and they all went to Salvation Army donation center.

My dear husband took me shopping and brought me pants and tops to the changing room.  He brought back sizes that THERE IS JUST NO WAY I can wear... but guess what... THEY FIT.  I just stood there and stared in the mirror.  

Today, I'm wearing a pair of dress pants that are four - 4, yes 4 - sizes smaller than my surgery size and from a 4x-5x top to a 2x today.  YES A 2X TOP.  

Yes, I've gone in the ladies room to just look in a mirror... I do not recognize the woman in the mirror, but I am learning to love her.

Just sharing more about my journey to get it out of my head in black and white.  My inner backbone is going to get my mental game under control!   

Your post brought tears to my eyes.  I am so happy for you - that you have gone down in size, and also that you are taking a major step forward in trusting yourself that you will continue to be successful and grow as a person.  Good for you!!!!

 Thank you, momsy... I had tears in my eyes as I was writing it.  It's a big step for me.  Thank you SO much for your support.

 One of the hardest things about post-op life is being able to mentally accept such a huge change. I look through my phone at naked, full body pics I took the night before surgery and I just can't believe it. A lot of the time I think this is a temporary thing, that I'll eventually be back to looking that way. I have been overweight my whole life, since I was 9 or 10. To finally have a collarbone, small butt, obviously waist/hip line... it's so foreign. It can really mess a person up. It can be a struggle to realize THIS is what a normal human body looks/feels/moves like. I think it's something a lot of us will struggle with for several years after reaching goal, until it becomes the new normal.

It's so great you are coming to terms with what a blessing this process is.

For all of us who've been overweight, it seems like we all *know* we're fat, until we see that dreaded photo of us and saying "holy **** I didn't know I was THAT fat".......

Then we have this surgery and it takes us a loonnnnnggggg time to realize, to recognize, and to actually BELIEVE that we aren't that size anymore, that when we hold up clothes to consider trying on....and we don't, can't believe that we ARE several sizes smaller and there IS a way our asses will fit in those pants--when we clearly KNOW they won't!!

Talk about a brain f*ck. Totally.

But you're embracing the new you! ENJOY!!!!

Beautiful post, just beautiful.  You deserve this.  We have all been there and it really brings this journey home to read about your accomplishments.  Thank you so much for sharing this. 

Congratulations on your success!

Congratulations on your amazing success!!

You brought tears to my eyes as well and made my heart leap with anticipation for that moment to come into my life.

I am so thrilled for you and I am sure that your dear husband was "over the moon proud!"

I wish you continued success and many more beautiful moments.

:}

Right on my friend.  Somebody's going to love the clothes you shared with them.

I am proud on you and your backbone!