At least I know what's wrong with me...

You are a hero of mine, BriarRose!  I have not had steroids in a long time, but it must be pretty awful.  I want to do as well as you!

Happy, sorry you're going through this.  Being another life long member of the compulsive eaters club, I can truly relate.  I am so glad you came here to this group with what's going on for you - first for you and your recovery, and secondly for mine.  It is so easy at times through this process to convince ourselves that we are now, somehow normal when it comes to food.  But I know better deep in my gut.  I have not eaten certain foods since before surgery, not because I'm so virtuous, but because I am scared to death.  If I open certain doors, I don't think I'll be able to close them or close them quickly enough.  Then there's the secondary tier of foods that I think I can handle, because they're not in the strictly forbidden group, but guess what, they're calling out my name too, and I need to be diligent about those foods as well.  Hang in there, I know you're going to get through this and be stronger for it!  Mary  Keep coming back - it's worth it!

Thank you, Mary!!  It *is* those "second tier" foods, isn't it?  I've been off the sugar for a long time (17 years, with a 9-year relapse in the middle), and I have a healthy fear of eating it again.  It's so not pretty.

Yes, I really want to bring my compulsive overeater self to this forum, because I know I'm not the only one and I feel a little alienated from f2f OA meetings right now.  Glad you're here!

You are right on! At some point I have to come to terms with never being "normal" in the food arena. This addiction gets me by the balls and tricks me into believing that it's okay to indulge. I find myself not wanting to become conscious again, enjoying the floaty feelings of carb induced euphoria. However that monkey is never full, never satisfied, always presenting with new taste sensations. I hear "myself" in the background saying "someone has to stop this, someone has to have the strength to redirect you and be strong" as I am driving to the store to buy another bag of Lays. Tricking myself by saying its okay if i use Greek yogurt for a dip, at least I am getting my protein in! HA what self-deception. Perhaps your post is the sobering truth trying to shake me out of my comfortable denial and avoidance of the scale. I must step on that "truth tube" and face the music before I become one of the failed.

Thanks for posting! I have even avoided reading these forums but getting back to it. Helps keep me focused on what I truly want, weight loss not addiction.

Hey there Happy girl! I was just looking at your progress the other day and so impressed by you! I have posted to you before, and enjoy watching your progress from afar. Anyway, I was reading this particular poat and just wanted to say you are NOT ALONE! In fact, this comment you made I am re-posting here, because it made me laugh my ass off since I can so relate to it!

And I quote...
"Your ability to have a rational conversation with yourself in those moments are remarkable!
My answer to "Will that ------help you reach your goal?" Is usually a crazed I don't give a ****!!" unquote.

Girl I am so with you! It's such a struggle some days, and then there are days it's a walk in the park. Don't you just hate that Easter candy all of the gosh darn place? I am addicted to sugar, always have been. Surgery has been the most wonderful thing in my life, but the monkey is always there. And when I let him out of the closet he breads havoc all over my life! I have just been allowing myself some dark chocolate like on sundays. A small piece, but I have realized today that too has to stop. I am not in control, the sugar is. Today I have over eaten, not bad things, just over eaten, because the monkey keeps telling me to eat sugar! So I snack here and there to avoid the sugar. The only thing I find that has helped me in these moments is to do a liquid protein day, or at least part of a day. For some reason it helps put the monkey back in the cage and allows me to be back in control.

The surgery fixed a lot of problems, but I still see I have issues that I will always be dealing with.
Hang in there, thanks for posting, you are helping me with your journey. And by the way, you look amazing! You have lost so much and are really doing well. As I near goal weight I fear maintenance! But I am never giving up, I never want to go back, I feel too good!

Hugs to you, tomorrow will be great!

Thank you!  Thank goodness for all of us and being here for each other.  I had a good day today, food-wise, and I'm looking forward to that good day tomorrow.  (((Hugs)))

I think we are all too quick to kick our own asses when we do slip up, but do we give ourselves credit for all the times we walk by all that damn candy in every store in the damn world? I've said it before, but too many American holidays are focused on candy! I try to actually tell myself, out loud, but not in the store, Good for you, not buying candy, not eating your son's French fries, stopping after two mini cupcakes for your 50th birthday, etc.

Let's love and support our good choices!

Yes, Beth - you're right!  Let's celebrate those victories, too!!

Happy,

I just wanted to say thank you for posting about your struggles.  I, too, am a food addict and sometimes the cravings are so overwhelming that I don't know what to do with those feelings.  Reading your posts, and the great responses you received, will forever be a help to me.  I just wanted to say thanks and I'm glad you are feeling stronger and better today (I saw your most recent post). 

You are truly an inspiration!

Lisa,

Thank you.  I am only doing what other people have told me to do if I want to get better.  I want to be at a more normal weight and I want peace of mind around food.  I make a lot of mistakes, and it's so tempting through the anonymity of the internet to just show my best side.   

I am broken in the same ways that so many of us here are.  I know we can get better, though, if we're willing to face these issues honestly. 

If it were easy, we wouldn't need surgery.  Sitting with those cravings is very, very hard.  I think we have to reach out to other people when it feels too much for us.  Glad your here, and hugs to you!!