Newbie - am I reasonable to hope?

Not only are you not dreaming, but I think you are almost too reasonable.  Please leave a tiny hope somewhere deep down that every single one of your unspoken dreams about being thin comes true.  Mine did.  I too had two children with a c-section, among other surgeries.  I had gestational diabetes, my knees hurt, and I could go on.  I only needed to lose 97 lbs., but I did that in 6.5 months and have been maintaining ever since.  My thin dreams have all come true, yours can too.  I know it's hard to believe it, but with hard work and dedication, it can be done and it feels great.

I'm afraid to hope. I know that if they approve me for surgery I can cope with the recovery and I'll lose weight, but I've tried and failed so many times that I'm afraid to build up too many expectations. For now just getting the approval and through the surgery is my goal.

I know some of my habits will have to change and I'm totally ok with that. I'm actually incredibly compliant when I need to be. That's what kept me from the surgery last time, in a way. I was SO compliant that I lost 45# - they figured I'd lost all that was possible and looked like I could keep it off on my own.

I did well at first, although it was MUCH harder when I didn't have anyone to report to that had the power to say yes or no to me getting surgery. A bad fall that kept me from any form of exercise for a few months "helped" me eat my way back up 12#. I've tried and tried to relose it, but finally admitted that I just can't do it alone and asked to go back to the program. I should get my intake call within the next week or so and will do everything I can to be approved this time.

In the deepest part of me is a dream of being in the 140-150 range. I got there in my 20s for awhile and it was wonderful. In my real life, assuming I'm approved, my goal is that weight where weight loss and living a healthy, active life while eating small portions of a healthy diet intersect. (without being ravenously hungry all.the.time)I don't know what the number is, but I know I'll recognize it when I get there.

I was very much like you three years ego.  I could not believe that this really would happen and that this could be the true answer that has alluded me all this time.  I too was able to lose weight on my own.  I had lost close to 100 pounds six times in my life, only to see all the weight come back and bring friends. 

I spend much of this evening going back and rereading my early posts.  I was so scared that this wouldn't work.  The surgery and recovery I could deal with, but another failure terrified me.  I would like to invite you to pick a few VETs that your respect and read our stories, read our posts from  the beginning.  You will see that there are certain similarities between those of us who are successful and those that fall short. We were all nervous and scared and unsure of ourselves in the beginning, but the most successful among us are also very driven, determined and goal oriented.  Learn from our successes and our mistakes.  You can make brand new mistakes and avoid the ones we made early out.  :)

I think that if I was just starting this journey now, I would do this.  I would read others journeys and see how be succeeded. 

I think your wildest dreams can and most probably will come true.  Pick a great surgeon, a great program and eating plan, stick to it and shoot for the stars or in your case, 140 lbs.  It  can be done, it has been done, and you can do it too.  Go look at my before and after pictures on my profile, that change happened in 6.5 months.  If I could do it, you can do it.  Believe.

I'll do that, thank you.
I tend to be very focused (some might call it obsessive) and feel my most comfortable when I have a plan for everything. My main method of dealing with stressful situations is to think through how to handle the worst that could happen. Once I figure that out I calm down and deal.
I'm more than happy to learn strategies by seeing how other people have coped and what did or didn't work for them. I see some serious reading and note-taking in my near future.

Thanks again.

I had many of your hopes, especially about the raging hunger and wanting to be able to eat normal foods in smaller amounts.  This has been the best thing about the surgery, without a doubt.

I didn't focus on the thinner part at all, before surgery.  I kind of felt guilty to want the thin part, it always seemed kind of vain and not a noble enough reason to want surgery.  But afterwards, after I got out of surgery I let myself really take in that I was going to start looking a lot better!

So, I think you have expectations you will probably exceed, and you will have a lot of fun in the process. 

You do understand! I feel guilty even imagining being slender, when I got to this size one forkful at a time. In a way I'd feel less guilty if there was a self-pay option I felt comfortable using.
The clinic here is big on,"it's not your fault" which is very kind and appreciated, but there's still that underlying guilt. (they're actually quite wonderful and never judgmental)
My friend has a sign in her bathroom that says something about not letting yesterday use up today - something I need to remind myself of often.
In the going forward hopefully vein, I've stopped taking my daily NSAIDs and bought a big tube of volteran cream to use on my abused joints instead of taking the pills. My GP ordered a tonne of bloodwork and an EKG today - he's very pro surgery for me now. (I'm very fortunate to have him)
I also have the good fortune to have a friend who will be having the surgery within the next month or so. By helping her I'll also have opportunity to prepare myself mentally and emotionally for the changes that are hopefully in my own future.