What do I tell others if I don't want to tell them I am having VSG?

I have been very open about my surgery, but I don't go out of my may to advertise it.  My wife, who now weighs more than I do, feels it is important to point out that I did not lose it "in a respectible way." You can tell where our marriage going... I never lie.  The surgery is usually the second or third sentence. It is the answer to, "how did you do it?" There will always be those who judge.

Hey Willy -

Really sucks to hear about your wife.  Maybe you can encourage her to get into some therapy before the damage grows too large.  That's a really bull**** thing she's doing to you.  Does she have any interest in surgery herself?

And if that's the case ....where are you getting support from if not her? Doesn't sound like she's too supportive of what you've done to live a better life...

Had a husband that had the bypass and I warned him about what would happen once the weight dropped but noooooo..didn't believe me. Well guess what...we divorced because he thought the grass was greener on the other side and I was the one supporting him during that time! Ruggie's right...get it fixed now otherwise it won't get fixed and she's gonna find herself all by her lonesome...

Congrats on making a difference in your life...she should be grateful you'll be around alot longer now...

xoxoxoxo!!!

I am not ashamed, but I am a private person and do not like to share my business with others. No, there is not a clause that says I have to tell others. but I know when I say I will be out due to surgery, people are going to ask...that is my reason for asking the question in my initial post. I also have a vacation planned with others, that I may have to cancel, due to the timing of the Surgery, so I am going to have to those people that I am having surgery (Our cancellation will not cost them money). To those who have responded with ideas, thank you. I would love to hear from others as well who have dealt with this. :-)

hi there
i totally hear you. i feel the same way. Im just starting out my journey, and if everything goes accordingly, mu surgory will be in october and by then i will be working 7 months at my job...so being at a new job i dont even know if i can take off two weeks but i do not feel comfortable telling anyone first of all i dont know them well enugh. so dont feel so do what feels right. it s your own personal journey and you have every right to keep it a secret just as much as shouting from the top of a roof
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GOOD LUCK!

I am a very open person and I will talk about just about anything in my life. This however I wanted to keep close to my heart.
Once you tell you can't untell....
I did this for myself and didn't want to be subjected to judgment of other people. I have told a few people close to me and I actually wish I had told LESS people.
When I am asked what I did to lose the weight I just say portion control. I eat mostly protein and veggies and drink lots of water....it is the truth....just with some major sleeve assistance on the portion control part.
This is your information to do with what you wish. Do what makes YOU feel most comfortable.
Good luck!

I told my co-workers I was having surgery and brushed aside the "what for" with "nothing serious". I'm back in the office tomorrow (one week post-op) and in my Monday morning status meeting I'm just going to tell them. They can't fire me for having it and I don't want them to worry about me as I hopefully jettison a good 30 pounds before their very eyes. I have even pondered sending out a mass email to our office with the subject "Where's Morgan Disappearing To?"

I "came out" on Facebook to my friends and acquaintances and have had nothing but HUGE support. I told my family afterwards because there's uncomfortable history there about food, diet, exercise, etc. Everyone has come back with happy support. I've heard from numerous friends who had a friend or relative go through WLS and it totally changed their lives and it was awesome, etc.

Again - think about the why of not disclosing. Of course it is no one's business but your own and you absolutely have the right to demure to discuss. But you don't want to lie and you also don't want friends and co-workers to worry.

Willy, that's harsh of your wife to say that. So sorry, ugh!

As far as keeping it a secret, just say you have medical things you need to take care of. If they probe further just say it's personal. I don't see this surgery as any different than any other. It's personal and it's your decision if you want everyone to know what is cut out of you, what is left to remain, what it changed, etc. I once had to schedule some time for a very extensive "female" surgery (no, not a sex change LOL!)and I hated that everyone felt the need to know what I was going in for. It's not their business! Some people tell everyone everything but I am a very private person so I don't roll like that.

Anyway, I didn't even tell people I had surgery. I left for the surgery and the people here watching my kids when I got back from the hospital were told I just wasn't feeling well when we got back. Then I laid around and recuperated for a couple weeks. I was just "under the weather". It was actually relatively easy to hide. And I don't think people are assuming I had WLS. I was a lighter weight to begin with but people know I exercise and always have a water bottle with me and if they ask I say I eat a low calorie, low carb, low sugar diet. It's the truth and while some people think I'm lying or being dishonest I disagree.

Oh, and I still tell people about the sleeve. I just say, "my cousin just had it done and she's doing AMAZING." and that is the truth but I just don't offer that I also had it done. ha ha if people suspect I've had WLS that's fine but nobody has asked so I don't think they do.

I'm with Rheabob on this issue - and almost usually will be.  I'm always one for living life honestly and transperantly - to fully own all the decisions I make and furthermore to use them to help educate others.

The thread that Rheabob was talking about where the woman felt burnt by her coworkers not commenting on her weight loss is here.

First, this is going to be a lie of omission.  Once those pounds start just melting off you, and you tell people "oh I jus****ch what I eat and cut my carbs" - that's a lie.  If that was all it took, none of us would need the surgery in the first place.

Second, you're going to alienate and offend the intelligence of some coworkers are who are going to link amazing rapid weight with your surgery.  Right or wrong, they are going to feel untrusted and deceived. 

Third, if you came out of the closet about it, you could be the catalyst to help another coworker or their friend or wife/husband.  This was the case with me.... I was fortunate somone else was strong enough to be a spokesman for his own surgery.

So I have to ask what the real driver here is behind not telling your coworkers about your surgery?  People aren't as dumb as you think.  They'll going to eventually find out.  What are you afraid about, their judgement?

 I told people I was on a strict, medically-supervised program. They backed off. Now, I don't care, but pre-surgery, I sure did..  I am a pretty private person. My surgery was done Dec 5, so most people thought I was off doe the holidays. 

Best to you!!