NEVER TRUST A FART,, BUT,THINK FIRST

 I've read on this site, day in and day out, to never trust a fart.. Well, this morning, 10 days post-op, I needed to go to the grocery store. Well, that's not how it really started, you see, yesterday, I had to go into my supervisors office. Due to bad practices, this supervisor has all kinds of snacks set about as free samplers. Me, not thinking, did my usual and grabbed TWO (2) LARGE PRETZEL RODS, ate them, (9 days post op) and didn't realize it until my sleeve felt like it was being unzipped. After I got home, all I could think was fluid, Popsicles, fluid, fluid, fluid. Well, the fluid did the trick. The pretzels were truly mush now. Back to this morning, I'm going through the super market, and the sleeve is acting up again, however, this time it's talking to the intestines, whom is sending signals to the bowel, telling it "he's not home, he's walking around shopping, so, whenever you guys are ready, you can send those pretzels down when you're ready, send a little air first as a signal..." Now, I'm one in-tune with my inner self and I know that if a rumble in the stomach assist a precipitating fart, make sure you're not in public and in the confines of a porcelain throne. Well, I made it home, put away the groceries, especially the new Popsicles, then did a Snagg-a-puss, exit stage left. Did I mention, I haven't moved my bowels since surgery, 10 days post-op? Once in the confines of the porcelain throne, I figured I could let the gas warning out while reading........ Now I understand why people always said, "NEVER TRUST A FART!!!!!" A true 4-flusher.. I gave new meaning to "baptizing a baby-ruth".  And I'm sure this qualifies as an NSV.  

I will remember your post when I have my surgery !

  I lost about 6lbs after that. LOL

omg, i needed that today! LOL I, too, will think of you after my surgery  well written I may add! :)

Please tell me you're a man, because frankly my husband comes out of the bathroom all proud of his accomplishments like there's going to be a judge outside the door. (sigh)

I have yet to figure out why it's so appealing to him. Unless it's that he catches up on his reading in the process.

I'm a flush and run girl myself.

donna

 Yes, I'm a man. And you're wrong, we're the judge before we come out of the door. That is the best place to catch up on reading. I'm sure most men reading this can attest to that. I guess this is our equivalent to the "applying make-up" moment..... We feel so much "gooder" afterwards. LOL. 

You're killing me... LOL.
Of COURSE you're the judge..what was I thinking????

And while you may feel so much "gooder" after... uhmmm we, with our make up, leave behind the smell of perfume not sh.... just sayin

donna

  Ok, you win.... perfume trumps sh*t..... But, mine doesn't have an odor.

Really????!!???? May I please speak to your wife, girlfriend or significant other??? We are going to need a REAL judge for this!
just sayin
donna

I'm a woman and I'm always proud of my accomplishments. You better believe I don't weigh myself until after my morning either.