What I've learned about struggling (so far)...

Rotten Monkey!  He's been visiting me too.  Thanks for the insight.  I'm considering checking out an OA meeting this weekend.  I need to fix my head and jumpstart some exercise motivation.  My monkey message usually ends with "you might as well eat Ice Cream or cake, or brownies.  That monkey is just mean.

Kim, I'm not trying to push *anybody* into OA - I haven't been to a meeting in years.  But it was really helpful to me, I have to give them that.  My monkey just knows one song - "you might as well eat" - but I can ignore him if I have a lot of support.  Hugs to you!!

Great post. Sometimes my monkey feels more like a gorilla. I find that my stress triggers are alive and well.

I'm not trying to start anything, but I also have found that I read about the emotional struggles of weight on OH from women. Most of the men on OH seem to rock right through their weight loss without many stalls or the daily struggles with "bad" foods. They post that they overate occasionally, but you don't see many--if any--posts about how they ate ice cream because they were depressed or angry.

I realize males are physiologically different--muscle mass, higher resting metabolism, etc. That's not what I'm talking about. I simply mean I don't hear them talking about the emotional aspects of consumption as much. Is it a hormonal issue? Do they not eat for emotional/mental reasons? Do they just not post about that sort of thing? I just think it is curious.

About the male vs. female thing -- I think some of it is purely biological. Here's how I see it playing out:

The fat cells in women's bodies want to stay with us forever!  When we try to lose them, they scream, "No, no!  Don't let me go!  There might be a famine!  You might need me for survival in the future!" 

Whereas, I think the fat cells in men's bodies just say, "Hey Bro.  We had a great time, didn't we?  Beer, Wings, Football.  Gonna miss ya man.  So long."

As for the emotional part -- here's what my husband says (who works out like a fiend, so his weight loss has not come easy!) -- "I'm a guy.  I don't have "feelings'.  And if, by chance, I did have "feelings", I would not talk about them."  I think he is only partially joking!

Not trying to start anything either!  Weight loss is not easy for anyone!

I absolutely agree! I don't mean to downplay the men's struggle to lose weight. I just think it is interesting that you don't see this type of thought-provoking posts like you do from the women.

Okay, I have to jump in on the whole men vs. women struggle thing. So, I'm going to rant a bit, but not in anger - just in a matter of fact way. Hope that's okay!

Being a guy, I believe your view is completely off base. Man or woman, we all struggle with our weight and are "broken" when it comes to food or else we wouldn't be here. I consider myself just as "broken" when it comes to food as the rest of you.

However, I do believe what MuttLover's husband says is very true. Most men don't have "feelings" (which is BS, btw... most of us are sensitive to a fault, but won't show it for love nor money) and if or when we do have strong feelings, etc... we tend to keep it to ourselves because, hot damn, we are taught from diapers that little boys and men are strong and must persevere and bite the bullet and keep our chins up, blah, blah blah... So to admit that I struggle over eating a cookie is a weakness(which even as I type this sounds stupid as hell that I could possibly struggle over eating a cookie!)  and I have been programmed to not show my weakness. It's taken me a long time to be able to say that there are certain foods over which I have no control.

So, yes, we men have or struggles. We have bad days. We have days when a bag of chips, a bucket of wings and some beer would make us feel damn fine - reduce the stress, soothe the hurt, mend the emotional wound. And most of us were VOLUME eaters. I could pack it in like nobody else. At times it was a point of pride. So, let me tell you, three weeks after VSG Christmas dinner caused a major ass pity party on my part. But, I bite the bullet, pretended all was fine, smiled a lot and dealt with it.

Yup, most of us will keep the struggles to ourselves and have learned in life how to power through our personal struggles. I think we apply a similar strategy to the emotional aspect of weight loss. 

I'm learning that it is best for me NOT to keep those feelings in because whatever it is I'm feeling loses power once I voice it. It's very hard for me to do it IRL, but at least here on OH I know there are people who get my struggle.

Okay, rant done!

Thank you ! This is great information! One of the possibilities that I mentioned is that men may not discuss it like women do, which I think is what you are saying, so I'm not sure I was completely off base.  And I, too, often have to "fight the good fight" against an inanimate cookie, so it doesn't sound stupid at all to me. Thanks for your input. I don't view it as a rant at all--just good information about the struggles we ALL face. I really was just curious if men have those feelings. My husband may rant about his lawn mower blades, but never tells me about the temptation he faces from having ice cream in the freezer. And if I would ask him, he would look at me like I'm crazy.

Kairk jumped in before I could respond.  I am not a good explainer of men, and I *know* there are definite differences in physiology.  But I also know that men that have this same problem, have this same problem.  They just might not talk about it as much, or use the same vocabulary, but I think it's just the same old monkey.

Thanks Happy, it's great to see some of these posts too. I love seeing everyone's accomplishments because it gives me encouragement and even more positivity and excitement about joining all of you on the loser's bench but this is reality. If we didn't struggle, we all wouldn't be in the situations we are in, past, present or future. Keep up the great work and knocking down those struggles.


Thanks again,

Thank you!  You can do this.  It's *so much easier* after surgery.  But my thinking is still broken, and I can easily fall back into my old behaviors if I'm not vigilant.