Xpost: What should my hubby expect?

I posted this on the spouse message board but got no responses, so I'm posting it here in the hopes that some of your spouses will share their experiences with me.

I am pre-op, and my husband, while supportive, is not one to come to a message board or do any real research himself.

What should I tell him in terms of what to expect after my WLS, both in terms of physical stuff and emotional stuff?  Does everyone have mood swings?

What do you wish someone had told you before your spouse had WLS?

Thanks!

Sarah

i'm wondering the same thing, hubby is very supportive and wants to know everything. asks if he can come with me to my appts where we meet with surgeon. and hes done a lot of research on food, what he can make what i cant have that kind of thing. but i don't think hes looked into 'side affects' of me having surgery. like: mood swings, emotional mess, stalls, ect. so i'm wanting to know too.

I am 4 weeks post op from the sleeve.  My husband was extremely supportive and went to all appt's with me.  He does great with cooking and making sure I am getting everything I need.  I will say around 2 weeks out I had a little melt down...asking myself questions such as "why did I do this", "what this the right decision", etc.  I knew in my head that it was the best decision for me and my situation, but I still had these feelings.  These are normal.  It shocked him at first because I have always been a strong minded person and typically don't have breakdowns.  Also, I was a food addict...literally it was my crack!  So the first few weeks I had this empty feeling because I couldn't get my fix and thought my life was over because now I couldn't go out with friends anymore, I would look like a weirdo at my work lunches/dinners, etc.  We all know that isn't true, but my mind hadn't adjusted yet to what my body needed, not wanted.  My husband didn't really expect these few outburst of tears, but he was great through the whole thing.  Physically, he pushes me more that I want him to, but that's a good thing.  Since I am more strong willed typically, I don't think he fully understood the physical limitiations at first.  I also had an issue with anesthisia (sp?) so I was down and out a little longer than most.  Hope this helps!

I really really REALLY like this post. Not negative at all. 

My husband did not want me to have surgery but he is still supportive, yes there is a lot of emotional ups and down's especially while in rapid weight loss because you fat cells store hormones then once they are gone you have it all free floating but it dose get easier. On the plus side my husband really liked the fact that my sex drive really went up from what it was at my heaviest, I don't know if it is that way for everyone but if you have that going on he will be happy I am sure once you are a couple months out. What really messed with my hormones after surgery was the depo shot my husband said it made me crazy so I ended up switching to the pill and have been fine since then.

Thanks to helpful posts here on OH I could warn my husband and kids that I might be a bit emotional after the surgery.  Might ... ha!  A roller coaster is what it turned out to be.  It's better now, at nearly three weeks out, but early on I was exhausted, worried about getting liquids and protein in, and in my own wacky case feeling highly guilty for my husband having to take up so much slack with meal prep and cleanup and running errands.  Being the sweetheart he is, he tried and tried to reassure me that he wasn't feeling put upon. 

It also helped that my husband knew the fluid and protein requirements ahead of time so that he could gently coach me when I needed it.  He would get up and walk with me around the house in those early days and make it a charming little fun thing between us. 

If you'll need to do injections at home to help prevent blood clots, it would be a good idea to figure out ahead of time if you can do them yourself or if you'll need help with those.  My husband is completely skeeved by needles, but he bravely volunteered to do it if I needed him.  I had no problem with it, so he was spared.  :)

Those are the things I could think of right off the top of my head.  Hope this helps!

I don't think I had any out of the ordinary mood swings after surgery but the rapid weight loss can take a toll on some people and the changes can affect a marriage for sure.  I remember my doctor asking me if I was married.  He asked because some marriages get weaker after all this weight loss and statistically a lot of marriages fail after WLS.  He said if your marriage is strong before, it can stay stronger after.  You will definitely want to keep communications open about anything and everything you can.  Your husband will also have to readjust to the "new" you.  You might be getting more attention from other men so he needs to feel secure in your marriage.  You can help with all that and vice versa.  He will be greatly affected by all your changes too but if you both love each other then just keep building your relationship which I think couples need to do anyway.

Best of luck to you with your upcoming surgery!!!

My wife is much like your husband and did no research prior to my surgery. I had my surgery at the end of September and I can tell you the changes that I have experienced that I think have an effect on her. First and the most obvious for me is that I am far more selfish than I have ever been before. But its not necessarily a negative selfish. I am very focused on me for the first time in my life and I don't let much get in the way of that. I am constantly thinking about what I am going to eat, what I am drinking, when I am going to exercise, am I sticking to my plan, etc. It is a lot about me. That doesn't mean I forget about everything else, it just means I have different priorities right now and I am one of them. So that for sure.

You will be on an emotional roller coaster the first week or so starting about 3 days before surgery. So he should be prepared for you to be a lunatic for a while. You will be very cranky the first couple days of your pre-op diet and by the end of your post op liquids and soft stages he should expect you to also be cranky because you will be ready for some real food.

He should expect a drastic change in your social life. You will be lest tolerant of standing around while everyone else around you eats ant drinks. You will want more interesting things to do. I have managed to deal with it pretty well, but I do get bored eventually especially when the stories start to repeat.

He should expect you to lose your mind the first time you hit a stall (which happens at about 3 and 6 weeks and for me now about every other week is a stall).

He should expect you to become somewhat judgmental about what he eats. I found that while I don't say it I am very critical of what my wife and daughter eats. Only because I don't want them to have to go through what I went through.

At 3 months out my mood swings are not that bad but they still happen.

He should expect to start seeing bones and muscles and parts of your body that he may not have seen in a while. And he should be prepared for some less than grand body changes like sagging skin, sagging boobs, etc. If he's a good man he will not care.

Thank you all!  I'll read him these tonight.  He thinks that because HE isn't the one having the surgery or losing weight that this doesn't impact him beyond my recovery.  I'm trying to get him to understand that this will impact him, too.