I ate ice cream

I wanted a treat.  I wanted to feel indulgent.  I had a great appt with my surgeon yesterday, and I think a part of me wanted to celebrate my success so far.  So I ate some ice cream.  It was good quality ice cream, and I really wanted it.  I ate very little, but definitely more than I should have.  In fact, I shouldn't have eaten it at all.  It made me feel disgusting, nauseated, tired, just awful.  I'm not a moderate person.  Even though my sleeve or maybe it was just not being used to sugar after so many months kept me in check, it was a horrible choice.  It was a lesson learned, and I have a feeling it won't be the last time I have to learn it.  Slip ups happen, I get that.  I've lost tremendous amounts of weight on my own in the past, and so I'm very aware of the journey involved.  I forgive myself, but I'm hoping I won't forget.  The one thing this procedure has taught me indirectly is that the number on the scale doesn't matter (it didn't change one bit), it's the behavior, the pattern, the choice.  I need to be different. 

It's funny because with my toddler, I'm very against food as reward because of this type of behavior.  Part of the reason I had this surgery was to help me create better habits, so that I can be an example of what you should do not what you have to fight against.  Everyone's journey is different, you have to find your own path.  This isn't mine.  I'm owning the choice I made yesterday, and moving on today and will work harder, be more diligent, so food isn't the reward. 

On a side note - what kind of crazy mentality leads someone to celebrate with food that isn't good for you when your doc says he definitely sees you being one of the people who makes it to goal and makes it there quickly?  This is a man who doesn't blow sunshine up your butt; who tells it straight and while he's kind, he's not a hand-holding, warm and fuzzy guy.  There is more therapy in my future :)

Sorry for the long post. 

I can appreciate every thing you wrote. Great post. I hope I can avoid these types of situations until I reach maintanance and then only when I plan ahead. I am guilty of mindless eating as a reward. This is not ok!

Don't apologize for posting this. That's what we are all here for. I empathize with you and agree with you "now stop that and get on with the successful behaviors you have obviously developed!" The important thing is that you and we all learn from what just happened. You are right back on track and even better than you were before with a new lesson learned. Self sabotage is a crazy dynamic.

Self sabotage.  Isn't that the truth? I didn't even look at it that way, but you are so right.  Thank you.  For now at least, I'm not spiraling down into a crazy binge so there's some progress in that.  Before the surgery, this could have prompted a two weeks free for all - who cares, I've worked so hard, this isn't that bad, let me pretend I'm an ostrich and put my head in the sand while pretending the scale doesn't exist and calories aren't real.  It won't always be this easy to pull myself up by the boot straps.  I will do better.  Thank you

Old habits are very hard to break.  I immediatley think of food as a reward for any completed task or crap thing that happens.  I have to rethink and plan accordingly.  I have decided that going out to eat in a restaurant is an ok reward or celebration, but I must order on plan!!!

Prior to VSG rich ice cream was my love.  My sleeve caused a fatal break up with ice cream and even today, 5 years later, I can only eat a little tiny bit or it will make me very sick, very fast.  It was a disfunctional relationship anyway.

I think my relationship with anything sugary is dysfunctional.  :) 

I was in a stall, finally broke it and went down a few lbs.  Then went out of town and celebrated. Came home and had gained. Felt sorry ate a twix bar. Up all night with horrible reflux.  Good reminder that hurting is not worth it. Ugh.  Mind games, great fun.  I will do better.  Thanks for the post so I could relate this morning. I needed it. 

 

Just a reminder.  I am almost four years out, there is no food, none, that I can't eat now.  I can eat quite a bit of ice cream without feeling crappy at all.  Nothing is stopping me from indulging, except me.

I wasn't specific enough. I'm fairly confident that I will be able to eat anything in the future, and that's yet another reason I absolutely need to be better and develop the good habits now. Thanks :)

No, I totally get that you get it.  My reminder was for anyone else reading this, especially pre-op, who might think that the sleeve will save them from this behavior.  In almost every case, eventually, you can eat it and eat it in large quantities.