Balance between the losing phase and living your life.

So, I've realized (well, I knew this before, but I was hoping I was getting better at it--no such luck) that any time my routine is disrupted, my eating suffers.  When we travel, it's hard.  I try to take foods, but eating out when I travel with my family just is not avoidable, and I always seem to manage to eat something I shouldn't.

Sunday through today we went on a little mini-trip with the kids to see some big trees and the beach.  Sunday--left after lunch, doing well.  Had packed snacks for the kids as well, of course.  I stupidly and without thinking ate ONE banana chip, one chocolate covered peanut, and one Pringle.  Add up my carbs--crap, I'm basically out for the day.  So that means at dinner, while my husband has lovely house-made spinach gnocchi, my son has pizza, and my daughter has house-made pasta and sauce, I'm eating 2.5 oz of smoked salmon from a salad.  I don't particularly care for salmon, and it was salty as hell, but it was the only thing on the menu that gave me adequate protein and no carbs.  And I just sat there and felt sorry for myself, but I could kind of reconcile it because it was my fault for eating those other things, right?

Monday I vowed to do better so I could enjoy my dinner, except that did you know that a hard boiled egg has 5g of fat?  So that, combined with my rtd protein shake, combined with my only option at the cafe near the big trees where we had lunch was chicken salad, which I assume was made with full-fat mayo, pushed my fat grams for the day way up.  So that night at dinner I'm eating half a turkey burger, no bun, with mustard (and it wasn't even a particularly good turkey burger) and some wilted spinach.

By today I was pretty much over this trip.  We hit a museum on the way home, and because of long lines opted to just eat snacks instead of getting actual lunch.  Ok, I have beef jerky for myself and a low-fat cheese stick.  But we get home this afternoon and I'm just so tired and feeling sorry for myself that I couldn't actually enjoy much of anything I ate on this trip that I go and eat a few bites of carrot cake (cooking light recipe, but still, carb-o-rama).  WTF?  What is wrong with me?????  At least I'm at home and can just eat some tuna or something for dinner.

I think when we're home and I cook our meals, they are both tasty and fit into my day (I've started planning an entire week at a time so I know what my numbers will be in advance).  When we're out, the things that fit into my plan are generally not good, and I feel like I'm being punished.

I don't want to never go anywhere (my husband already suggested another trip in a few months).  I like taking my kids places and letting them experience new things, and I didn't have wls just to become a shut in.  But I also don't want every trip to every restaurant to feel like I'm being punished for being fat and having wls.  When we go to new places, I often don't know what our options will be, and we generally eat at local places, not chains.  If you have suggestions for how I can both live my life and meet my weight loss goals, I'd love to hear them.  Also, if you are in maintenance, is it easier to handle stuff like this?

Clearly, I need to plan for more wiggle room on trips or by the time I get home I just lose it (or I need to clear out temptations before we leave).  There just isn't much wiggle room in my weight-loss plan!

My plan is around 20g carbs, I try to stay close to 20g fat, 100-110g protein, and around 600 calories (though now that my protein goal is higher I do tend to be closer to 650).  When my protein goal was 80, it was much easier to stay within the fat/carb numbers.

When we go to local restaurants, I go in knowing what I can have. I usually end up getting a grilled chicken salad, eggs, roast beef, etc. I don't usually count my fats due to the fact that if I stay on plan with everything else, it keeps it in line for me. I also keep jerky on hand for those times where the family stops somewhere that doesn't have what I need. Sometimes it does feel like a punishment, but I know it's for the greater good at this point. I HAVE to make the better choices for myself. Good luck! I can't wait to see what others have to say on this, as I'm still learning myself.

Interesting.  If I'd ignored fat that 2nd day my dinner could have been much better--my carb count was great that day.  Pretty sure my RD would tell me I should choose a lean protein source (sometimes being MFP friends with your RD is not fun), but maybe I'd have avoided my crazy cake-eating fiesta (which in reality was 2 bites, but I like to be dramatic and I do need to recognize my stupid behaviors).  And in the long run it would be better to go over my fat grams than to have to re-do the carb detox like I'll be doing for the next 3 days.

You could always pack a cooler for yourself full of pre-cut chicken breast or pre-made tuna. Throw in some CarbMaster yogurts (my favorite), some string cheese, hard boiled eggs & some of your other favorites. I pack this little cooler that looks like a pretty little purse if I'm leaving the house just to go see my in laws who are only an hour away. That way I don't get stuck eating the junk they do or paying for a pricey meal that doesn't even taste good.

So do you eat your food in the restaurant while they eat restaurant food?  Are most restaurants ok with that?

Or do you eat in the car/hotel and then just sit and sip water while everyone else eats? 

What do you do for trips that are multiple days when you won't necessarily have access to a fridge, microwave, etc.?

I've managed to bring other food and drinks into restaurants. Even in my early days. I went into a restaurant with a HUGE bottle of crystal light. I just explained that I had bariatric surgery and, at the time, couldn't have anything they served. (Mexican restaurant when I was 5 days out) I've also brought yogurt into a Denny's when we were on the road for Christmas. Again, I explained that my diet has big time specifics. I asked what they had for soups, and when they told me what they had, I kindly declined and asked if it was ok to break out some of my greek. They were completely ok with it and encouraged me. They even brought me some water with lemon to go when we were done.

Elina posted the other day about asking ahead of time to speak with a chef at the restaurants and have them fix something that you CAN have.

I know it sounds a bit neurotic, but try to plan your food stops. Look up the places you're going to and see what restaurants are in the area. It's never a problem to speak to a manager to talk about your food issues and what you need. Most of the time, they're more than willing to accomodate. If they're rude and won't help or at least kindly tell you that they can't, they really don't need your money. :)

I travel a lot and eat out a lot. It is a challenge indeed - especially with international travel where you can't pre plan your snacks and the foods you need may just not even be available or culturally inappropriate or worse - rice may be so much a part of the food culture that NOT eating it would be insulting...it is hard and I feel for you. Its only by trial and error that you will be able to find that balance and what will work for you. For sure, don't avoid travel. It is so enriching and offers such potential for growth that it would be a pity to deprive yourself and the family of it. Just do the best you can one meal at a time.

First - Hugs!!!

Second - definitely don't feel like you should be punished at restaurants...if there's nothing on the menu that appeals to you, ask them to make you something that fits into your plan.  I also have some fall backs that I order - shrimp (fajitas, stir fry, etc), grilled/baked chicken (sauce on the side), fish (usually seared tuna or tilapia - I'm not a huge salmon fan, but sometimes salmon).      

Third - You don't have to be perfect every day.  You just have to be able to get back on track.  The biggest thing that I've learned on this journey is that one bad meal/day doesn't need to derail me.  In the past, I would feel so guilty for a bad meal or day that I would get depressed/stressed, which would lead to more poor decisions, etc.  The stress of trying to be perfect is probably not helping your weight loss...

Fourth - Hugs!!!!

I am only 5 weeks post-op but the few times I have been out I'll just grab my little bag of pre-cut chicken & eat that in the restaurant with my family. I'm a very plain eater so I don't need much else or any flavors or anything like that.

I imagine a road trip for a couple of days at a time is much more difficult but in my purse like freezer bag I pack 2 or 3 of those blue frozen plasti**** things. They stay cold for 2 days. I bought them at Fred Meyer. They're wonderful. Obviously if you're without a fridge or freezer than that's going to be harder to do.

I have just sat with my husband & my son while they eat dinner at a restaurant & I'll just sit there drinking water. It doesn't really bother me that much, however, most restaurants can grill a chicken breast or a piece of salmon with some broccoli for me.

Luckily, my guys love Subway so when we go there I'll just get a couple pieces of turkey & I'm good to go.

Here's the deal... it's a lifestyle change. I'm a foodie, majorly. We go to all kinds of interesting places to eat. Instead of feeling sorry for yourself for what you can't eat, celebrate what you CAN eat. I almost always share with my daughter, we usually get a fish, beef or chicken dish with veggies. If it's a sandwich place, I just eat the insides. There's always a way.

I also don't count fat. Well, I do, but it's not a goal number. Honestly, I don't eat anything too fatty (calories), but I'm also not convinced that going that low in fat is good for your body. I tend to stick to good fats just because that's what I like.

Trips and fun don't have to revolve around food. The food is just something you have to do to live, especially if you are in a place that is just "eh, whatever". If it's a nice restaurant, that's a whole other thing - we went out to a high end place recently and I splurged on steak tartare with a few crostini, amazing seared scallops and even had dessert (a lemon custard merigue). I'm still, technically, in losing phase, but those amazing 3 hour $200 dinners are something my husband and I adore doing. I planned for it. Didn't fit into my regular plan, but it was a plan. LOL

My point is that we do have figure our way through this thing while still living. You can absolutely eat out and lose. We eat out a lot, just make good choices. You don't have to live on dry chicken breast. LOL!