Romancing The Food

Keith's post about the ritual of eating these days sparked a thought, I wonder if others still do this.  Pre-op, when I was out and about, I devoted a good deal of my energy to thinking about where I was going to stop and just gorge.  The type of food, what did I feel like eating, how much could I get, etc etc.  I'd look at all the fast-food places, and even sit-down restaurants, and bounce the place against my particular "want" to see if there was a match. 

At the grocery store (one of my favorite places in the old days), I'd stroll the aisles, eyes flicking from goodie to goodie, doing the same thing.  Unlike restaurants, at the store I could pick up a bunch of stuff and then decide at home what I was going to devour first, and I did that quite often.  (Used to put lettuce and tomatoes in my cart, just so it wouldn't look like I was buying only sugar and carbs.)

I called it "romancing the food."

And do you know, I realized the other day while running errands, I STILL do that!  This old, diseased, unhealed part of my head (what Brandilyn used to call Trixxy*****) is running through the food options as I drive and look around.  And the same thing at the grocery store.  Thankfully I no longer *act* on those impulses, but they're still there. It's been about 2.5 years since surgery, but it's a little bitty birthday candle compared to the roaring Trixxy***** bonfire in my brain, haha!

Anyone relate?

I honestly don't know how I survived eating the way I used to, very much like you described, except some of the items didn't even make it from the store or restaurant to my door.

Did the Trixxy***** (love that) go away at some point postop and then come back, or has it always been there?  I'm not experiencing that at this point, but I wonder if it's common to lose it and then have it come roaring back.

Trixxy***** went to sleep for a while immediately post-op and for a few months.  People around me could be diving face-first into cake and ice cream, and she didn't stir.  She's back now, but she's in a compartment.  I can hear her, but her voice doesn't have much urgency behind it.  More like when I quit smoking - for years afterwards I still thought about all the times and cir****tances where I would light up, even though the "urge" to smoke was gone.

Ive thankfully gone the other way.

I was out shopping today (its Saturday in New Zealand) so went to a little Mexican place to get some lunch. It struck me, as I was standing looking at the menu, that here I am in my new life, reading a menu and my first thought is "I wonder which of these options is the smallest". I even looked at the kids menu.

The old me, would have been thinking the exact opposite!! "Which of these is going to be the biggest, coz I want LOTS!"

As I sat for a while and ate about 1/8th of the serving of retried beans, with cheese and salsa (with 5 corn chips....I don't subscribe to the "all carbs are the devil" approach), it was delicious. I had enough in my wee portion and I carried on my day.

I love my new reality.