I'm...dare I say it...happy! (WARNING: LONG & POSSIBLE EMOTIONAL TRIGGERS)

I am so HAPPY for you! I love that you are in my MFP family. Seeing you rock your sleeve keeps me motivated.

Honestly, we have similar pasts and it has taken me years to understand the effects abuse had on me and my weight. I once went to a therapist who tried to connect those dots for me years ago, and I was not ready to hear it at the time. Thanks for being brave enough to share.

Can I just say that you are AWESOME! 

Thank you so much!  I refuse to cower in the shadows any longer, but it took me 5 solid years of therapy to get that thru my skull.  It sucked, but it was so worth it.  No regrets, right?  

I love it. I'm so happy you're happy. In fact it makes me very happy indeed! As someone who has struggled with depression herself, I know what those black holes can look like and feel like. I'm thrilled you're doing so well!

Thanks!  Those holes are awfully black, aren't they?  I used to think I was making it up...that I didn't really feel way.  But now I can look back and understand that it was real and so is depression (and all mental illness).  I fight it everyday in some way and need to avoid triggers.  But I'm now realizing that I'm worth the fight.  

Sandra, how to even put into words how I feel about your post- your bravery, honesty and willingness to stand up about pain, associated destructive behaviors and working on recovery from all of that IS inspirational. So many with mental health problems are alone with their pain and fear retribution if discussed. I work hard with colleagues, clients, organizations to fight the stigmas. Thanks for speaking out and embrasing others to not be alone in their struggle. You are such a passionate, funny, honest and helpful person, I'm so glad to "know" you and really appreciate your encouragement!
Keep smiling- what a great place you're in, happy job, taking charge of your mind and body, healthy relationships... Life is good!
xoxo Ellyn

Man, it's 7am and I'm crying. Thanks a lot! I appreciate your kind words. When I started therapy in 2006 I made a promise to myself that I would be completely honest with my feelings, thoughts, and emotions. Hard work, but so worth it. And I refuse to give in to the stigma of mental illness and speak in hushed tones. It has served me well and I can only hope that I've helped others.

As I was reading your post, I could see myself and for a moment, I thought this is a sign for me to make some changes.  I have not had surgery yet and have been contemplating for a year.  I have researched, been scheduled and backed out.  Just out of fear of the unknown and that I can't make the changes needed.  3 years ago I lost my Dad and 2 months later I lost my mother.  My mother was everything to me.  Both were unexpected.  2 months after that I lost a childhood friend, 6 months later my daughter stole my mothers jewelry and I found out she was on drugs.  She went to rehab and I took care of my granddaughter.  I was in a deep, deep depression.  Over this time, my job suffered, couldn't concentrate, cried at work, came in late, no sleep,  I was overwhelmed.  Then my uncle became iil and had to have someone care for him, he has no children and no one else.  I had to take a few days to arrange care for him.  I was terminated from a job I had been there 8 years.  I haven't worked for a year,  I have been distraught, no self esteem.  Major depression and while I was off, wanted to do the surgery.  I said I never wanted to interview looking like this again.  But I haven't made the move to have the surgery.  Just all the preliminary stuff.  Your story gives me hope that I can move forward.   

I understand where you're coming from on the interview front. That's how I felt last summer when I was out of work. It did suck, but I just let my experience speak for itself. I interviewed them as much ( if not more) as they interviewed me. You deserve to find the right fit for you.

You've been through a lot of trauma. I hope that you are in treatment or at least thinking about it. It can be a huge help. Talking to someone is so helpful. And you are worth the effort.

Sorry about everything awful you have been thru. Congrats on doing an amazing job soo glad to hear you are happy because you deserve all the happiness in the world

Thanks, Gabbz!!! I appreciate that. We all deserve happiness. I just wish there wasn't so much muck for too many to wade through.