Bought a bathing suit today; the experience didn't suck. Why am I afraid then?

We are In St Augustine FL today. Had to buy a bathing suit to be able to get in our hot tub without terrifying my kids, so I figured the beach would be a good place to get one in November.

I wanted something to cover my upper thighs. I didn't quite get there, but overall I am pleased with this suit. My image consultant gave me a thumbs up, too!

And, amazingly, its a size 12. I am really truly struggling to wrap my head around this size 12 business as in this is going to be the topic we discuss in my next therapy session.

Anybody else have that issue, where you have to suspend disbelief that you are a number, be it weight or clothing size? How did you get beyond it? In all seriousness, I have to get to the point of acceptance of this - fast - because I do feel this poses a threat to potentially derail me if I can't see myself at this size. I'm going to spend some time pondering this: WHY am I afraid of this number? On the surface, it may be because I have seen my sister wear this size before. I have time in the car today to think.

Here is the suit:
<a href="http://s1319.photobucket.com/albums/t679/atlgadgetgrrl/?action=view&current=null_zps973f6a67.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i1319.photobucket.com/albums/t679/atlgadgetgrrl/null_zps973f6a67.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket Pictures, Images and Photos" /></a>

Congrats on the smaller suit!

When you find the answer to your question, let me know.  I know this is something I struggle with too, as currently I'm in sizes I haven't seen in 25 years.  It's hard for me to conceptualize my size and not still see the woman who once wore a 34/36.  I still see that version of me when I look in the mirror, or when I find myself having to move between the chairs in my classroom and there's more room than there used to be for me to get by, or when I find that I'm moving through the hallways at school so much faster than I ever did.  I don't know that I'll ever not see the heaviest me, but I'm getting used to seeing the smaller me, and I like the benefits that being smaller has given me so far.  Like you, I'm having a tough time visualizing myself at where I'd like to be, but I'm going to worry about that once I get closer since I still have so much more to go.

You are doing a fabulous job!

Laurie - congrats on this awesome NSV! I keep asking my husband if I'm bigger or smaller than other women I see. When he tells me I'm smaller I don't really believe him. I'm going to my therapist again too to work on body image issues.

Thanks, Tracy! I am so glad I am not the only one who does this. My hubby and daughter had a discussion today about whether a woman looked like the old me. Hubby: she looks like you used to look except she's much bigger...
Daughter: no she looks nothing like you looked...

In pondering my current issues, when I look at my bathing suit photo I see my aunt. Perhaps that is my problem - I am not seeing myself in first person, I'm seeing someone else in just about every photo. Maybe I just need to start a photo project - 30 days of photos in various stages of clothedness. I won't post them/will spare y'all the gruesome details, but if I force myself to LOOK at them, perhaps I will start seeing myself for real. I am thinking I have to print them out and post them up on my bathroom wall or something. Time for some serious reeducation!

What do you think?

Congratulations on your size 12! Bathing suit shopping was always a nightmare for me in the past. Hopefully when I'm ready to get a new suit it will be better. I totally agree with you, it's so hard to look at myself and not see that obese person. My sister visited me last week and brought me a lot of clothes that were too big for her. I was able to fit into a few outfits the rest will have to wait a month or two from now. But even with these smaller sizes, I couldn't see myself as thinner. Guess this is something I'll have to discuss with my therapist.

Way to go on your NSV!